Page 75 of Catch and Cradle
The closer we get, the more clear it is he can’t be anyone but Hope’s brother. Aside from his sandy blond hair and beard—and the fact that he’s a guy—he’s basically Hope’s carbon copy.
“Brother dearest!” she shouts when we’re a couple metres away. She jogs over to hug him.
I follow along behind with my hands in my pockets and nod at the girl while Zach and Hope finish up their hug. She beams at me.
“Ma belle, you brought a friend!” she says to Hope in a French-Canadian accent.
Hope turns to me after stepping back from Zach. “Guys, this is Becca. She’s my team’s captain. Becca, this is DeeDee and my weirdo brother Zach.”
“Nice to meet you.” Zach offers me his hand. “You guys played great today.”
“I wish I could have come!” Deedee adds. She has a throaty voice that matches her smokey eye makeup and pink lipstick. “It is good to meet you, my dear. By the way, I must ask, is that your natural colour?”
Hope and I burst out laughing, and she glances between the two of us.
“I told her you would ask that,” Hope explains. “I knew you’d go crazy over hair like that.”
“It is gorgeous!” DeeDee steps to the side to get a better look at my ponytail. “And so thick! You’ll have to take it down for me later. Do you have layers? That would look so good with some nice, bouncy layers, especially with your face. Très belle.”
She lifts her hands like she’s itching to get a hold of my hair. Zach leans over to grab her arm.
“Okay there, haircutter lady. You just met the girl. Let’s not scare Hope’s friend away.”
I laugh. “No problem. I don’t really have a haircut because I never know what to do with it. I’d love some professional suggestions.”
DeeDee’s eyes light up.
“Let’s talk about it on the way there,” Zach says. “You guys have to be back in time for a team dinner, right?”
“Yeah, we actually don’t have that long,” Hope answers.
We head into the cavernous metro station, and the smell of damp concrete mixed with something metallic is so foreign in my nose. I haven’t smelt a subway system since our match in Toronto last year. Endless streams of people rush around us as Zach walks Hope and I through the process of buying tickets from one of the machines. I can hear the whoosh of departing trains and the ding-dong sound they make when they arrive.
Everything is so big and loud and alive. I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a vast, dense jungle, but instead of being afraid to step inside, I’m thrilled by the possibilities, by the sheer space in which to grow and explore and become.
“What are you smiling at?” Hope asks once we’re standing on the platform waiting for our train. Zach and DeeDee are busy looking at a big advertisement on the wall a few feet away.
“Oh, I just...” I try to wipe what I’m sure is an idiotic smile off my face, but it stays firmly in place. “It’s just exciting, isn’t it? Being out in the city like this. Sometimes I forget how small Halifax really is. Sometimes I even forget there’s a city beyond the UNS campus.”
Hope laughs. “Yeah, sometimes a whole week will go by, and I’ll realize I haven’t left the same five kilometre radius.”
That’s not going to be my life for much longer. By the middle of next year, I’ll be looking for jobs and internships. I might even end up here in Montreal. I could go anywhere. It’s the first time I’ve really, truly realized what that means, and the thought wipes the whole start of the day away. I’m not thinking about the game. I can barely even remember it. I’m thinking about this city and this girl and how much I want to take her hand and explore with her.
Hope tilts her head to the side and grins. “You’re smiling again.”
I shrug, still beaming. “I can’t help it. I’m happy.”
She moves a few inches closer and lowers her voice. “I’m always happy when you’re happy.”
I want to kiss her. I want to kiss her right here.
I nearly jump when Zach calls out, “That’s us!”
Hope and I step apart as a train zooms out of the dark tunnel and slows to a stop beside the platform. We manage to get four empty seats. Hope takes the one next to me with Zach and DeeDee across the aisle from us. Her thigh and calf are pressed against mine, but she doesn’t seem to mind that everyone can see, and neither do I. I’ve never had this feeling with a girl before: like I need everyone to know what she means to me, like I want to scream it out for the whole city to hear.
I’ve always had to keep quiet. Whether it was Lisa or Kala, there were always complications that meant I had to stifle my most important relationships. Even with Hope, I’ve been so muted and cautious, stealing moments where I can and always looking over my shoulder. I’ve been out as a lesbian since I was seventeen, but I’ve never loved out loud.
I glance at Hope as she hunches over her knees to chat with DeeDee. Her glasses slip an inch down her nose, and my hand twitches with the urge to push them back up.