Page 77 of Catch and Cradle

“I’m so glad you came with us,” she says after another few minutes, glancing at me before going back to watching the capybaras like her life depends on it.

“Me too.”

Our hands are only a few inches apart on the rail. The longer we stand there, the closer her pinkie gets to mine.

“It’s really cool that you know so much about nature. I love hearing you talk about it.”

I love talking about it. I’ve never realized quite how much until today. I’ve never been anywhere like this, and I can’t help thinking about all the people who keep this place going, all the jobs it must take to create something that makes everyone who visits care a little more about the world around them.

That could be my job. If I could miraculously find the time to switch to a double major, I could end up working somewhere just like this.

“That means a lot.”

The side of her pinkie brushes mine. I take a breath in through my nose and cover her hand with mine. I hear her inhale too, and for a second we both stand frozen and tense, but then she shifts her hand so our fingers are woven together. My heart feels like it’s too big for my chest.

I want this. I want her. I want more—of everything. I’m starting to realize just how small my world really is, how much I’ve shrunk it down and limited myself to make sure I’m safe.

“Hope.”

We turn to meet each other’s eyes, hands still linked on the rail.

“I, um, I really like you. I’ve really liked doing this. I want you...I want you to be in more of my life.”

She blinks and whispers, “Really?”

I nod, biting my lip. Just because I want it, doesn’t mean it isn’t terrifying. I still don’t know exactly how this will work, but I’m starting to see a path, and it leads straight to her.

“I was thinking, um, you know my best friend Kala who I’ve told you about?” I pause, and she nods. “I’ve been wanting to ask you if you’d like to hang out, just the three of us. I’d love for you to meet her.”

Her whole face lights up. “Really? I would love that too. So much.”

I can do this. I can introduce her to Kala and show her our friendship really is just that. I can stop compartmentalizing and sectioning off at least one part of my life. I can let Hope in, and maybe together, we can figure out the rest.

We’re surrounded by people, but when she leans in to kiss me, I meet her halfway. Her lips press against mine just for a second, but it’s enough to make every colour in this miniature paradise gleam brighter and bolder when I open my eyes.

I don’t want to hide her away and kiss her in corners anymore. I want the real thing.

18

Hope

Jane is the only twenty year-old I know who can cook a turkey with the skill and precision of a wizened housewife. She’s even wearing the frilly gingham apron she only busts out for special culinary occasions.

Since Thanksgiving happens so early in Canada and falls during a pretty inconvenient time in our lacrosse schedule this year, the four of us decided to do a Babe Cave Friendsgiving. We’ve only been back from Montreal for a week, and we have a home game next weekend, so it just made the most sense.

“How’s the bird?” Iz asks, coming into the kitchen to join me at the table while I watch Jane work her domestic magic.

“She’s a comin’,” Jane answers as she peers through the oven door. “Gonna be right juicy.”

Iz and I have to look away from each other so we don’t burst out laughing. Jane is very serious about her turkey.

I thought about inviting Becca over tonight. She’s in Halifax for the holiday too. We’re finally getting a chance to hang out with her friend Kala tomorrow, but I figured Thanksgiving might be overkill. I also didn’t know if my housemates would find me inviting our captain over for an intimate Friendsgiving gathering to be normal or suspiciously weird. The only guest we planned on having was Jane’s boyfriend.

“Can we help with anything, Jane?” I ask.

I need the distraction. My head’s been spinning since the trip to Montreal. I know Becca wants more, but it’s hard to see how we’ll get that if she keeps on believing the whole team will fall apart if we date. I can’t imagine growing up the way she did, and I totally get the lacrosse team being a family for her. It’s a family for me too, and I just wish she knew families aren’t supposed to be conditional.

Sure, some of the team might be a little pissed at first, but I can’t imagine all the people who care about us turning their backs just because we care about each other.