Page 13 of Blood Match
But even though I’ve been bracing myself, it still hurts. So damned much.
“Oh, my God.” Mom’s sobs cut through the haze, and I watch, feeling dazed, as Kara rushes to her side. They cling to each other, united in their grief. I should go to them; I know I should, but I can’t move. I’m rooted to my seat, my mind reeling.
I barely register Gran crossing the room until I feel her warm hand envelop mine. Her touch is gentle, familiar, but it can’t penetrate the numbness spreading through me.
“Rowan, dear,” she murmurs, her voice soft and full of understanding. “It’s okay to let yourself grieve.”
I shake my head, the motion sharp and uncontrolled. “I can’t,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “If I start, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop.”
Gran squeezes my hand. “That’s part of it, darling. The pain…it’s how we know how much we loved.”
A sob builds in my chest, threatening to break free. I’ve spent so long being angry, feeling left behind by Mia’s disappearance. Now, faced with the reality of her loss, I feel like I’m drowning.
“I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” I choke out, tears finally spilling over. “We fought before she left, and I never…”
Gran pulls me into her arms, and I bury my face in her shoulder, letting the tears flow freely for the first time in a year. The weight of unspoken words and missed opportunities crashes down on me as I cling to her, my body shaking with silent sobs.
Pull yourself together, Rowan!
Dad takes a deep breath as he clears his throat. The sound pulls us all back to the present, and I reluctantly pull away from Gran’s comforting embrace.
“We need to discuss the details,” Dad says softly, his voice thick with emotion. “The full moon is in three days. It’s the right time for the Starlight Vigil.”
Mom nods, wiping her eyes with a trembling hand. “You’re right, Lake. We can’t put this off any longer.”
“Three days?” Kara’s voice trembles. “That’s so soon.”
“It’s tradition, darling,” Gran explains gently. “The full moon is when our magic is strongest. It’s when we can best send Mia’s spirit to the stars.”
I swallow hard, trying to push down the lump in my throat. “Who…who should we invite?”
“The elders, of course,” Dad replies, his voice steadying as he focuses on the practicalities. “And the core members of our coven. Mia was well-loved by many.”
Mom nods, her eyes taking on a determined gleam. “I’ll handle the invitations. We’ll need to prepare the sacred grove, too. Kara, can you help with that?”
My sister nods, her posture straightening. “Of course. I’ll make sure everything’s perfect.”
I watch as Mom starts listing off tasks, her voice growing stronger with each item. It’s like she’s drawing strength from the planning, using it as a shield against the pain. I can see the same happening with Dad and Kara, their faces set in expressions of grim determination.
“Rowan,” Mom turns to me, “can you handle the refreshments for after the ceremony? Nothing too elaborate, just something simple to honor Mia’s memory.”
I nod, grateful for a task I can actually accomplish without magic. “Yeah, I can do that.”
As we continue discussing the logistics, our voices hushed and strained, I can’t help but feel a swirl of dread and relief. This is really happening. We’re saying goodbye to Mia.
And suddenly, the anger I’ve been stifling surges forward. How can we be doing this? Acting so calmly when something should be done?
They can’t get away with it! They can’t!
I can’t take it anymore. The calm acceptance, the planning – it’s too much. I leap to my feet, my whole body shaking with rage and grief.
“No!” I shout, my voice cracking. “We can’t just…we can’t just let this go!”
Everyone stares at me, shocked by my outburst. I can feel the tears streaming down my face, but I don’t care.
“Those bloodsucking monsters took her from us!” I spit out the words. “They can’t get away with this!”
My fists are clenched so tight my nails dig into my palms. The pain grounds me, fuels my anger.