Page 51 of Rebel

It will be used before the end of the year.

I have no intentions of staying in this world without either of them.

Kneeling, I brush away some fallen leaves. “Hey, sis,” I whisper, tears choking my voice. “I’m sorry I got a little bit lost.” I laugh bitterly. “I get why you became so absorbed in all of this and why you felt so alone and isolated. This life has a way of doing that, huh? I guess I forgot all the sharks circling me, but now there is blood in the water, and I’ll never forget again.”

Sitting my ass on the perfectly manicured grass, I draw my knees to my chest, wishing I could hear her voice again. Not the depressed, lost little girl on the tape she left me, but the happy voice from my memories, always singing and smiling.

She was destined for greatness, and I was meant for mediocrity, but now look at us.

“God, I miss you,” I whisper. “You would know what to do. You always did. You were so brave and confident, whereas I have to think everything through. I’m trying to be more like you, but I promise you, Willa, I’ll make them pay for what they did to you. I will never let them forget the girl they put in the ground.” I glare at the flowers. “None of these people who left these really knew you. Fuck, they didn’t even realize how badly you were struggling. They didn’t see or didn’t care, and now that you are gone, they want to play the victims. Fuck them. Fuck all of them.”

Swallowing my anger, I close my eyes for a moment and try to picture her face, but it’s been so long since I saw her in person. Gone is the black-haired, snaggle-toothed teenager, and in her place is an addict, with bones sticking through her skin and lost eyes.

They say she killed herself, but I know better.

She might have been the one to step off that bridge, but she had a helping hand.

Someone or someones drove her to that railing and watched as she plunged into the cold water they had to fish her body from.

I didn’t get the tapes until a week later, two days after they called me to tell me my sister was dead. She was the only family I had left in this world.

First my mom, and now her.

I had nothing left, and then I started to listen to her hopes, dreams, and apologies for the way we left everything all those years ago. I listened to my sister spiral deeper and deeper into depression, becoming paranoid and worried. I heard the drugs and alcohol taking hold.

I listened to my sister beg for help without anyone noticing, and then I heard her kill herself.

“I should have been here. I should have protected you,” I tell her grave, tears flowing down my face. “But I’ll protect you now. I’ll make them pay. I’ll make them all pay. I promise, and then I’ll come meet you. We’ll be together again.”

Someone put my sister in the ground.

Someone destroyed the little girl who followed me around.

No, I won’t forget the sharks circling me again, and I’ll make myself bleed until they attack.

Then I’ll drown us all until the only thing that’s left is the truth.

I didn’t bother going back to the house or replying to the hundreds of texts and calls I missed from them. I buy myself a new outfit and head straight for the management meeting that’s on the calendar this morning. I might want to wreck their lives, but that means I need to be deep enough in it to do so, so I suck it up, smile, and sit in the godawful swivel chairs, ignoring them as they gape at me.

“Morning.” I nod at Rachel and Michael.

“Beck—” Kolt begins, but I push up my sunglasses and tilt my head, offering him an equally fake smile.

“Yes, Kolton?”

He swallows as he stares at me.

“Are you okay?” Trav asks.

“Why wouldn’t she be?” Michael asks. “What did you do?”

“Oh, um . . . ,” Trav stutters.

I feel Chase staring at me as he sits beside me. Kolton’s eyes hold a million questions and even hurt, but I turn away, smiling brightly at Rachel and Michael. “They didn’t do anything. I wasn’t feeling too great, but it’s fine. So what’s on the agenda?”

“Well, we were hoping to . . .” I tune him out, nodding like I’m listening.

“Beck,” Chase whispers, leaning in. I catch Rachel glaring at us since we are interrupting, so I move my chair slightly away from his. He wraps his leg around it and pulls it back until I’m practically pressed against his side. “We need to talk about what happened.”