Page 31 of Sinned

I nodded as I stood. I pulled my black clergy shirt off the chair and slipped it on.

“I’ll always be a priest,” I said. “But I’ll always love you more.”

* * *

As I crossed the busy city street, I moved into the shadow of the elementary school to protect myself from the sun. It was an unusually hot day even for August and I wondered if it was making up for the cool summer. Dressed in my black slacks, black clergy shirt, and clerical collar in place, the heat seared my skin through the fabric.

At the playground, children laughed and screamed as they played. I stopped in the shade to wait for a breeze and watched as the parents busied themselves with their children.

Although I wanted to go alone, Ava insisted on coming with me. She and Christopher planned to play at the park while she waited for me. As she knelt and kissed his skinned knee, then wiped her son’s tears from his chubby cheek, I wished I was there with them. She turned in my direction as if she felt my eyes on her and smiled, lighting up her face.

The breeze came and I continued along the sidewalk, in the shade of St. Peter’s Church with the rectory in my sights. As I climbed the grey stone steps of the small burgundy Greek Revival house that was St. Peter’s rectory, an elderly couple with their arms linked together pushed open the glass door. I took the door from them and opened it further.

“Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Waverly,” I said as they stepped onto the porch.

“Oh hello, Father Charles,” Mrs. Waverly said as she reached her arm up to hug me. “How are your parents doing? I haven’t seen them in church lately.”

“They’re wonderful, ma’am. Thank you for asking. They’ve been attending church at my parish, Sacred Heart.”

“Oh that’s a lovely church. Did I ever tell you that’s where Walter and I got married? That was fifty years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I waited for him to come back after the war.” She looked adoringly at her husband and smiled as he nodded and grinned back at her. “Such a shame what happened to the neighborhood though.”

“They’re trying to turn things around,” I said. “We have a close-knit parish there and I really think you’d like it. You should come to mass sometime and visit.”

She reached up and patted my cheek. “You were always such a sweet boy. We’d love to attend Sacred Heart, but St. Peter’s is more convenient for us. We can walk here.”

With nothing else to say, I nodded. It was the same thing I had heard over my years at Sacred Heart. I smiled at the Waverly couple as I realized this could be my last conversation with them. Mr. Waverly rarely spoke and Mrs. Waverly was forgetful. We had the same conversation many times, but it endeared them to me.

“Be careful walking home,” I said.

Mrs. Waverly reached up to pat my cheek again. “Such a handsome boy,” she said. “Just look at those sky blue eyes. You’ll make some young lady a happy bride one day.”

Mr. Waverly leaned closer to her so his lips almost touched her ear.

“He’s a priest, dear,” he said loudly.

Confusion contorted her face briefly, then she smiled and patted her husband’s hand.

“Of course he is,” she said as they waddled down the steps. “Remember when little Charlie was an altar boy here?”

I entered the rectory and walked through the center hall to the back room where Liam liked to work on his sermons on Wednesdays. He called the small room facing the bird feeder the perfect place for him to think.

As I approached the room, I noticed the door was open. I entered and was surprised to not find Liam there. I turned back to the front of the old house. In a room off the parlor, I found Sister Carlotta sitting at a desk, sorting through files.

Her mousy brown hair was cut boyishly short to her collar. In the years since I had gone to elementary school at St. Peter’s, Sister Carlotta hadn’t changed except for the wire framed glasses that sat on the tip of her nose.

“Good morning, Sister,” I said.

“Oh hello, Father Charles,” she said. “I didn’t hear you come in. Is there anything I can help you with?”

“I was looking for Father Liam. He’s usually here today writing.”

“Yes, yes, that’s true, but Father Dan fell sick so he asked Father Liam if he would take his place in the confessional.” She looked at the clock hanging on the wall. “He should be done any minute now.”

“Thank you,” I said.

I exited the building and looked up at the tall, dark stone Gothic building that was St. Peter’s Church. So much of my life had happened in this very church, including being ordained. I used to think that was when I stopped being a man and was only a priest, but I was wrong.

A priest shouldn't feel lust, desire, jealousy, yet I felt them all for her. She reawakened the man in me, but it was greater than that. It was more than the softness of her skin or the caress of her lips, much more.