Page 105 of Vicious

I want to lock her up. I want to tie her up and force her to take everything I give her, apology be damned. I want to see her wrecked and begging for me.

But I don’t want to break her.

I sigh. “Ah-May… I don’t know.” I trace the line of her neck and feel her shiver. “I just want you here, with me.”

“If you really care about me, if you really love me,” she says, her voice gentle, “you need to let me be a person to you. Not a toy. I want to have a life, Chase. I’ve been going crazy living in just two rooms with nothing to do but sew and watch anime.” She lets out a little laugh. “I used to think that would be the life, you know? But I’m lonely, and I’d like to have time for friends for the first time in a long time.”

She pauses, again putting a finger over my lips when I try to speak.

“Fine, yes, I enjoy the pain. I don’t mind making this some… some BDSM thing? I don’t know much about that, obviously, but I know enough to know there are negotiations and whatever? Things you want, things I want, and we both end up happy?” She sounds less certain now, though, and her gaze slides away to the wall instead of her looking at me.

Happy.

I don’t think I’ve ever thought about the possibility of truly being happy. But being with her, letting myself enjoy things with her, is the happiest I’ve ever been. It’s the kind of life I never would have dreamed of when I was still trying to fit myself into my parents’ expectations.

A life where I’m not working all the time, where I get joy in simple things.

“I can live with that,” I say carefully. “But I want to meet any friends you make. I don’t want to be a separate part of your life.”

“You still want to control me,” she says, her face blank.

I can’t read her. But I do understand the importance of negotiations, and this might be the most delicate one I’ve ever participated in.

“I’m not like Hunter,” I say. “I don’t need to dictate what you eat and what you wear or how you breathe.” I take a deep breath. “I didn’t mean that I wanted to vet your friends. Just that, if we’re going to be a…” I struggle to find the right word, “a couple, I want us to be that. A couple. I’ll bring you to my events as my plus-one. I won’t hide you. If you aren’t my sex slave, May, then you’re my girlfriend, my partner, whatever you want to call it.”

May regards me for a long moment, and her expression softens as she listens to me. She must’ve heard what she was looking for because she slowly nods. “I’ll need things,” she says carefully. “A computer, a phone. More sewing supplies. I’ll pay you back for all of it?—”

I open my mouth to argue, and she glares daggers at me.

“I want to start a business. I’ve always wanted to, and if we’re going to do this…” She takes a deep breath. “I want to do it right.”

Something settles inside me, and I smile back at her. “A business? That’s great. Lucky for you, I know a pretty good business lawyer. And I guess, if you want to think of me as an investor in your business, that’s fine. I’ll even draw up a contract for it.”

“I’ll probably want more,” May says, her voice still cautious. “I want to be free, Chase. I want a life to live. But I want… I do want to spend time with you. I do want to—” she stutters, “to be with you. Just on terms we can both agree on. It’s called ‘consensual sex.’ Perhaps you’ve heard of it?” She recovers by the end, even arching a brow at me.

I stare at her. “Will that include consensual paddlings and consensual floggings?”

May huffs out a little laugh. “I don’t know. I guess?” Her expression goes more serious. “I want to say we should talk about things before we do them, but I’m…” She grimaces, hesitating again. “Maybe I kind of sort of like you taking control in the bedroom. I just want the option of saying no if I need to.”

“Like a safe word?” I ask with mild disdain. At her glare, I amend, “Fine, yes. You can have a safe word.”

“I’ll take that.” She takes a deep breath. “One more thing.”

I nod, although part of me wonders what else she could possibly ask of me.

“I want a cat.”

The demand is so out there that I laugh. “A cat?”

She nods firmly. “I will agree to none of this unless I get a furry feline, and if you make one comment about already having a cat, I will make you pay for it as soon as I’m healed enough to smack the shit out of you.”

I arch a brow. “Sure? We can pick one out this weekend.” I smile at her. “I like cats. They’re the perfect type of pet. Independent and self-sufficient, yet cuddly and affectionate and sometimes very needy.”

To my surprise, May blushes.

“This whole conversation, and you blush now?” I ask, amused.

She grumbles something under her breath, but all I catch is “asshole.”