Page 78 of Vicious

For the first time, despite how much I love him, I think about the cost. I think about what my life could’ve been like if I hadn’t had to spend so much of it taking care of him—if I could’ve spent more time taking care of myself.

I shove those thoughts away. “Can you still hear okay?” I ask.

“Things are a bit quieter in that ear. But better than if they hadn’t reattached the ear.” Baba shakes his head. “I just hate the staring. I hope it eventually heals well enough to no longer be so obvious.” After a few seconds he adds, “And I could do with the pain easing up, too.”

I smile weakly. “I can’t even imagine.”

As though my ass and thighs aren’t screaming in pain as I shift in the car. As though I have no idea what it’s like to feel such extreme pain.

But who knows? Maybe losing an ear is that much worse. It probably is, and the guilt gets that much stronger as I squirm. The pain helps somewhat, centering me, even though it drags my thoughts to Chase again and again.

He talks to me while I drive, but I don’t have much to say. I’m relieved when I pull up to the motel, and I get quickly out of the car. “Stay here,” I tell him. “I’ll go get us a room.” He’s too memorable looking. It’s better if I do this on my own.

The motel clerk is surprisingly perky for four in the morning, and I suspect he’s been indulging in something far from legal by the time he hands me my change with jittery hands. The key card looks like it’s been through hell, and I’m going to have to scrub my hands thoroughly after handling it.

I head out to the car and pull back around to the parking area. As I slowly breathe out, I let Baba tell me yet again how unnecessary this is, for all that I barely acknowledge his words.

The only saving grace about the room is that it has two beds, and for all that I want a shower, I’m too exhausted. The beds are small, and the bedspreads are worn thin, but three nights here will cost the same as one night at a more reputable place, and that’s what matters most.

“Let’s try to get some rest,” I wearily tell Baba as I flop down onto the bed. Pain blossoms through me with such intensity that it takes my breath away, and for a moment, all I can see is red, and all I can think of is Chase.

Baba is already lying down on the other bed. “I’m glad you’re all right, May May,” he says. “I love you.”

Tears well up in my eyes as I reply, “I love you too, Baba.”

I just wish that love didn’t require such a high price sometimes.

CHAPTER 21

Chase

The room is cold when I wake. I need to do something about the heating down here, I think, reaching out to draw May and her warmth closer to me.

Only May isn’t there.

I sit up, looking around the room. The door is wide open, and I realize I’d forgotten to lock up.

Not that I’d been chaining May up lately, and the door hasn’t been properly locked in weeks. Maybe she’s just in the other room, watching anime.

I don’t hear the TV though.

I get out of bed and rush out to the basement rec room. My heart hammers tighter.

May isn’t here. I run upstairs, shouting, “May? Ah-May? Where are you?”

Part of me knows already, but I have to search anyway. I turn my house upside down, as if May would be hiding in my closet or underneath the bed.

She’s nowhere.

Fuck.

I end up in the basement again. My phone is where I’d left it on the coffee table, along with the remains of last night’s dinner. I pick up the phone and dial Simon’s number, but it’s early in the morning, and he doesn’t pick up.

She would have gone back to him, right? That was what our whole stupid fight had been about. Her beloved Baba, whom she would do anything for, even though he’s barely worth it.

I should shower first, but I don’t want to take even those ten minutes, so I get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and head to the door. My keys and wallet are still there, although when I check the wallet, all the cash is missing.

She didn’t take the credit card. She must have known I’d be able to track that.