Page 143 of Old Habits

“You’re damn right I did!”

“Why?”

“For fake engaging my cousin, that’s why!”

“Did you miss the part where I said it was her idea?” I ask.

“No.”

“Then, why swing at me?”

“I don’t know.” He winces as he opens and closes his fist. “It felt right at the time…”

I roll my eyes and head into the kitchen to grab an ice pack from the freezer. Tucker follows me in with his head down but he keeps his distance.

“Also,” I say, tossing it at him. He flinches but manages to catch it to numb his knuckles. “It was real to me. Hell, there was a minute during the dance when it seemed real to her, too.”

“Then, what happened?” he asks.

I look at him as bile from my stomach infects my throat. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that she’s coming back, and when she does, I’m going to be here. I have to be here.”

“Will…”

“No. She lives here. Her stuff is here. She has to come home eventually. I am not leaving this house until she does.”

“Okay, but…” He discards the ice pack on the counter. “Marv sent me down here to tell you that if you don’t show up to work today, he’s gonna fire you.”

“I don’t care.”

He holds his hands in prayer. “Look, I know this shit is rough and I’m worried about her, too, but… you gotta look at the bigger picture here. You don’t have to even pick up a wrench. You’ll be on desk duty until you’re ready but you have to come in.”

I hesitate.

“I mean…” He shrugs. “You had to have known this was a possibility. It’s Jovie.”

“Fine,” I say.

Tucker heaves a thick sigh. “Thank you.”

“I’ll go get dressed.”

He holds up a hand. “I was serious about the shower thing.”

“Yeah, I know.”

I walk out of the kitchen toward my bathroom, briefly pausing in the doorway to our bedroom as I pass by it.

It’s Jovie.

Same old, sad Jovie.

I almost expect her to be in there, sleeping soundly. But she’s not. She’s out there somewhere, alone and scared, and that’s my fault. I could sit here and dwell on that for a few more days while my life crumbles to pieces but Tucker is right.

Bigger picture.

***

The pink and red ribbons are gone.