Page 34 of Death

He nods. “Would it comfort you if I told you it could be a lot worse?”

“Worse?” I repeat. “You think I shouldn’t be upset right now just because it could be a lot worse?”

“I didn’t say that,” he says. “No, what you’re feeling right now — you have every right to be upset.”

“Thank you.”

“But...” He pauses to take a breath. “Honey, the night you were born was the worst night of my life. It shouldn’t be that way. The birth of your first child isn’t supposed to be like that. For nine months, I watched you grow. I spent every night with my hand on your mother’s stomach feeling you kick and when you came out, and the doctor had that look on his face, and I just...” He swallows hard.

My chest twinges. “Dad...”

“I want you to understand why we chose what we chose,” he says, just above a whisper. “And it’s not fair, I agree with you, but when Ari told me that he’d save you and that he’d always take care of you and give you a future full of anything you ever wanted… I had to say yes, because it gave me you. I got to hold you and feed you and clothe you. I taught you how to crawl and walk and talk. You taught me how to be patient and how to be patient some more and how to love… unconditionally. If I had to go back and make the same decision, I’d do it all over again and so would your mother. Be honest with me, baby. What would you have done?”

I pinch my eyes closed and swallow the tears away. “I understand, Dad. I do, but…”

“I’m not telling you to get over it or toughen up or anything like that,” he says. “I wouldn’t be much of a father if I did. But… what I am saying is that this man gave us twenty precious years together and for that, maybe, he deserves a chance.”

“I’m giving him a chance, Dad, but...” I go quiet, trembling at the dream still fresh in my head.

“But what?”

I quickly shake my head. “Nothing. You’re right,” I say. “I just feel under pressure, that’s all. Like I owe him something.”

“Hey...” He squeezes my shoulder. “I don’t care if he is an immortal god. He lays a hand on you, I’ll knock him out.”

I laugh. “Thanks, Dad.”