Page 32 of Dark Restraint
I don’t give myself a chance to second-guess this decision. It’s child’s play to hack into the security system and put the cameras on a loop. I barely pause to grab my key and then I’m rushing down to street level, retracing my steps from the other night.
Only this time, Asterion’s waiting for me on the curb.
He doesn’t give me a chance to speak, not that I’m able to currently. Instead, he wraps an arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his jacket. Then we walk. I know our destination even before we turn the corner and stop in front of the door to his apartment. There’s no point in pretending we would end up anywhere else.
But what I didn’t expect is for him to have clothing waiting for me. He barely pauses to lock the door before he strips me out of my sweats and T-shirt in simple, efficient movements. And then he dresses me in a different pair of sweats and a different T-shirt. His clothing. It’s clean, but it still carries the scent of him.
I stare up at him, my heart in my throat. “Why?”
“It makes you feel better. Safe.”
He’s not wrong, but…I didn’t think he noticed. He’s never said anything about it before now. I used to pretend his shirts and sweatshirts ended up in my laundry by accident, that it was coincidence they never made their way back to him. I should’ve known better. Asterion notices everything.
He nudges me down onto the couch and sits next to me, draping one arm behind my back. An invitation, not a demand. I am seven different kinds of fool, because I don’t hesitate to crawl in his lap and let him wrap his arms around me. This is new. This is something we’ve never done. Before, when the walls started closing in on me and I would seek him out late at night, he wouldn’t say much at all. I’d sit on his bed while he played a handheld video game and I clutched my laptop, reading fanfic. Until the steady cadence of his breathing calmed mine and I could actually concentrate on the words I was attempting to read.
But he never touched me.
I bury my face in his throat and shudder out a breath that’s almost a sob. “This has all gone so wrong. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“I know.” He strokes a gentle hand over my hair.
“I don’t know how to feel about what keeps happening between us. About marrying Dionysus. About being a key part of the plot to kill a person, even if it will save other lives.” I cling to him harder and he responds by tightening his arms around me. It’s more difficult to speak the next bit. “I don’t know how to feel about the pregnancy or the fact that it’s gone. In another life, I would’ve been happy to have your child. But I couldn’t do it, Asterion. Not when my first thought was panic, and the fear only grew with each hour that passed.”
He presses a featherlight kiss to my forehead. “I know. You did what you had to do.”
“That’s the excuse we keep using. That we did what we had to do. That you kill people because you had to do it. That I lied and betrayed my family and country because it was something I had to do. That my brother”—again, my voice breaks—“had sex with people he never would’ve chosen with the intent to blackmail them so we can be free.”
It’s too much. I can’t stop the tears from coming or the sobs from following until I’m crying so hard I can barely breathe. And through it all, Asterion just holds me, the mountain that I can crash myself against and never have to worry about breaking.
Tomorrow, I’ll go back to fearing him.
Tomorrow, I’ll take away all these messy emotions and put one foot in front of the other just like I always have.
Tomorrow.
17
The Minotaur
Ariadne cries herself out and then falls asleep in my arms. She’s so fucking strong, but even strong people need a place and time to crumble. She’s always come to me in the past when things become too ugly in her head. It warms my heart that she did it tonight, even with everything else going on. But I can’t stop thinking about everything she said. The way the words poured out of her like poison.
I carry her into my bedroom and take a moment to strip out of my shirt that she’s soaked with her tears. Then I stretch out next to her, waiting until she instinctively finds her way to me and presses against my side.
I fucked up.
I knew shit was bad with Minos. He’s even worse at being a father than he is at being a person. He might not beat the shit out of his kids, but they both wear emotional scars with his name on them. It was my mistake for not realizing the depth of those wounds. If I had, maybe I would’ve anticipated Ariadne running to the Olympians instead of me when things got too scary. For better or worse, I’m attached to her father in her head.
Her brother didn’t help. Later, I might have more grace for him. Right now, all I know is that talking with him caused Ariadne enough distress to seek me out. As much as I love that she came to me, it hurts that she needed to in the first place.
“Only a little while longer, sweetheart.” I speak softly so I won’t wake her, the endearment slipping out as naturally as breathing. I can’t stop myself from stroking my hand down her spine and urging her a little bit closer. Someday, she’ll come to me simply because she wants to be in my presence, not because she’s fleeing worse nightmares.
I let her sleep as long as I can, but I wake her well before dawn. “It’s time to get going.” She mutters a protest and nuzzles my shoulder. Ariadne was never one to spring to wakefulness. I give her a light shake. “You’ve got to get back to your fiancé.”
That snaps her eyes open. I can practically see the moment she registers what happened—that she came to me, that she cried herself to sleep in my arms, and that she’s waking up in my bed. At least she doesn’t skitter away from me. She blinks slowly. “What time is it?”
“Four.”
“Damn. Okay. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She sits up and rubs her eyes, still puffy from crying. “I’m s—”