Page 36 of Dark Restraint
It’s not an answer, and yet at the same time, it is. I don’t know what this means. I don’t see how it can change anything. If Asterion doesn’t obey my father’s commands, then he’ll just find someone else to do it. If I don’t marry Dionysus and get the blueprints, then it won’t matter what my father wants, because Hera will demand her due. I’m still trapped.
But…maybe I’m not trapped alone? I’m terrified to even hope that’s the case.
“Thank you,” I say softly. This gift is damn near priceless, because it shows the depth of knowing that only exists between me and two other people. My brother…and Asterion. I pick up my fork again, determined to honor this. My stomach is still twisted up, but here in this room with only us, I relax enough to take a first bite. And then another. And another.
It’s phenomenal. It tastes just as good as it looks, just as good as it smells. Asterion doesn’t speak as I eat my way through the meal, but he slips out of the room right as I’m about to finish, reappearing a few moments later with a small bowl. “This isn’t technically on the menu, but I saw the chef and sous chefs trying it out, so I…convinced…him to give me one to sample.”
I stare at the chocolate dessert and have to fight not to cry. “This isn’t going to end well for us. I don’t see a path forward.”
“You don’t have to.” He sets it on the desk in front of me. “I’ll see the way for both of us.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I just am.”
What must it be like to have that kind of confidence? I’ll never know. I fight and scramble and do my best not to be helpless, but at the end of the day, I suffer at the whims of those more powerful than me. Truly, Asterion and I should be on the same page when it comes to that. He fought his way up from nothing, but even now, more powerful physically than anyone I know, he’s still my father’s man. But he’s not letting that stop him from doing what he wants. For…me.
I eat the dessert slowly, and it’s truly the best thing I’ve ever tasted. The entire dinner is. Some of that is the nature of the food itself, but a good portion of my feelings is the result of the care that went into planning this. I always knew that Asterion saw me. I just never quite understood what that meant. I’m still not sure I do.
It’s over far too quickly. I know better than to try to make it last, but I still eat slower than is wise. When I finish, Asterion takes my plate and presses a light kiss to my forehead. “Tomorrow, Ariadne. Bring the blueprints to me, and then we’ll talk about the next steps.”
I don’t tell him that I got the blueprints the morning after our disastrous meeting at his apartment. I’ve had them since yesterday, and not even I can explain why I hesitated to hand them over. It’s not because I hold some fondness for Zeus or even really care if he lives or dies. The man might play at being a king, but he’s just as much a monster as his father was. He must be for Hera to plan to kill him. Though, truth be told, she’s plenty monstrous in her own right.
“I want to get out of the city.”
Asterion crouches in front of me. He’s tall enough that we’re almost the same height. He studies my face as if memorizing it, as if for the first time in as long as I can remember, he’s not entirely sure of me. “I can get you out. Not yet—not everything is in place to make it happen—but I can do it.”
I want out with a desperation I don’t know how to grapple with. Wanting that makes me a bad person. There’s no two ways about it. “For us to get out, that means the barrier will fall.”
“The barrier was always going to fall, sweetheart. Circe made sure of that.”
He’s right, I think. And yet I can’t stop the guilt that threatens to swallow me whole. “How many people have to die for her vengeance? For my father’s ambition? If the barrier stayed up—”
“It won’t.”
I press on, pretending I didn’t hear him. “If the barrier stayed up,” I repeat, “then Circe and her army would have to give up.”
“Ariadne.” He waits for me to look at him before he continues. “You’re not that naive, so stop pretending. Even if the barrier didn’t come down, the Thirteen would keep on fucking with the people less powerful than them. You’ve been to the lower city, to the countryside. You’re a smart woman; you understand that this is not some utopian city where everyone is treated fairly. And neither was Aeaea. The world is fucked up, but it’s consistent. Powerful people do awful things to maintain their power. The barrier was destined to fall the moment Circe left and took a piece of it with her. There’s no stopping it. This shit is bigger than us. It always has been.”
I can’t tell if I want to shove his words away or hold them close to my heart in reassurance. Doing one feels just as naive as he labeled me. Doing the other feels self-serving in the extreme. If we’re just two cogs in the machine and nothing we do has any long-term consequences, then we can do anything at all. We could bring down the damn barrier and tell ourselves that it was fate.
“That’s a cop-out, Asterion.”
“Is it?” He reaches out and brushes my hair back from my face. “Look around, sweetheart. Every single person in this fucked-up world is only looking out for themselves. It’s time you do the same.”
19
The Minotaur
I can’t stop myself from following Ariadne and Dionysus back to his building. I stand in the shadows across the street for far too long, as if my presence there will do a single goddamn thing. For once, no Olympians show up to irritate me. I’m left to my own thoughts, and it’s a strange place to be.
She’s finally starting to understand that I’m not here to hurt her. I loved watching her dark eyes go all soft as she finally made peace with that reality, but there’s still a jagged piece of glass in my chest. It was easy enough to anticipate her needs and take care of them tonight, but I’m not soft. I’m pretty fucking sure that she was just being a brat in the changing room yesterday, but it’s hard to get those words out of my head. Soft. It might not get her off as hard as being bad does, but Ariadne deserves softness.
She deserves to be with someone whose hands aren’t stained with blood and death.
Which is too damn bad, because what she has is me. I just don’t want her getting the wrong idea. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend. I don’t know how to be in a fucking relationship. With Ariadne, just existing in her presence is as natural as breathing. I want to believe that won’t change, but if I really think that, then I am as naive as I labeled her.
My entire fucking life has been geared toward claiming Ariadne. It was a goalpost that kept moving through the years, Minos always pushing it out just a little farther. Part of me honestly believed it would never happen. It still hasn’t happened. But now that Ariadne is starting to understand what the fuck we are to each other, there’s a very real possibility she will leave the city with me when the barrier comes down. That she’ll choose to go without me having to twist her arm.