Page 94 of Serenity
“Aren’t you supposed to avoid seafood?” I asked Sadie, changing the topic.
“Girl, leave me and my smoked salmon alone. These babies are developed enough not to be affected by a bit of fish. Carry on,” she waved me on.
“We haven’t had a discussion,” I confessed once my mouth was clear of food. “I want forever. That’s my end goal. Someone I can spend the rest of my life with on my terms and not society’s.”
Tori and Saint had recently celebrated a decade of love together. With pleasure, I watched them mature and grow with one another. I was much younger than them, but I remember the day my brother brought Tori to our parents’ home. Where Tori was once young and fiery, she’d relaxed in the ease of eternity with my brother. She’d relaxed in the ease of femininity. She was still fiery, but she was soft. My brother was to blame in part.
I wanted that. Craved it even. It needn’t look like what they had. They weren’t idols by far. Simply put, I wanted something of my own. I wanted that with Duke. I thought I had it with him, but having the safety and authenticity of such a connection required no skeletons of the past resurrecting themselves.
No fucking Julie or Myaquanna. Whatever the fuck her name was.
“When do you plan to call the man? You can’t make progress with him in his corner and you in yours,” Sadie offered. “You know you want to work things out. It’s obvious he does as well.”
“I know,” I sighed. “I guess it’s time, huh?”
“Girl, stop punishing that man and go give him some. I couldn’t hold out an entire week from Saint,” Tori tittered.
“Me and Supreme don’t withhold sex,” Sadie added. “You’re better than me.”
“I wasn’t withholding.”
“So what were you doing exactly? How many days did it take for you to unravel your thoughts?” Tori probed.
“Two. Maybe three.”
“See? Withholding. Couldn’t be me. I’d be helplessly sliding down—”
“Tori! Saint is my brother,” I fussed, covering my ears.
“My bad. Just know, we keeps it spicy over here. Mad or not, we fucking.”
Eyes darting between Sadie and me, Tori cleared around her mouth of vegan bites. I knew she had more to say. It was coming in three… two…
“That’s not cute what you’re doing to that man, Reni. You call yourself chatting with us for advice. Advice, I might add, that you don’t need while that man is mere feet away from his ex-wife. Couldn’t have been me. I wouldn’t have left his side. I’d be squirting up and down Gray’s halls and marking my territory. Those fucking thoughts would’ve been untangled right in bed, legs spread, head tipped, back arched…”
“Tori!”
In unison, Sadie and I scolded her with laughter. She had a point, though. The bulk of my week had been restless, depleted of sleep, and replete with need for a honey-hued, bow-legged man sporting a well-groomed beard and semi-gray goatee.
In the comfort of my home, I stripped down to nothing, showered, and stood in the foggy mirror. My cocoa frame was oiled to perfection, exactly how Duke liked it. Fucking glistening.
As the steam of the shower dissipated, I eyed the traditional barbells sported by my pierced nipples. Turning toward my jewelry box resting on my vanity, I skimmed through a host of nipple rings, locating the fourteen-carat D hoops I’d bought with Duke in mind.
After switching out the barbells for the hoops, I skipped panties, pulled on a knitted dress, a furry bucket hat, and furry ankle boots. Grabbing my wool trench and car keys, I prepped myself to brave the minutes of cold it would take to make it to my vehicle in the parking garage and warm my car.
Inside the car, I seesawed between calling Duke before I came over and simply showing up. Opting to be an adult and protect my peace, I took a deep breath and dialed his line. The heat from the AMG blasted against my cheeks, relentlessly warming me. Absently, I shifted the gear into reverse, utilizing the backup camera to maneuver from my parking spot.
Duke’s line rang out, leaving me to contemplate returning upstairs. The chill of an empty bed was unconvincing and further discouraged the thought. H.E.R.’s sweet and warm vocals careened me out of the backup plan as well.
“It’s about time we’re makin’ up.
The times you wasn’t with me wakin’ up.
Lyin’ if I said I didn’t miss your touch.
I needed to, I needed to.
Needed to distance myself from you.