Page 42 of Something New

John-Michael yelled a farewell to them, and then made eye contact with Sadie. She was adorable. He thought back to the things she had said in the classroom earlier, and he knew things would change between them tonight. He was ready for that. She had completely captivated him. He was willing to put his heart on the line.

He opened the passenger's door to his truck, and she smiled at him, but they didn't say anything until he got into the driver's seat and closed the door.

"Are you good with a burger?" he asked, regarding her from over the console.

"Yes, of course, but I didn't need to… I thought when you asked me for dinner, you meant I would just eat dinner with you and E. You didn't have to get Sara to come over."

"Do you not want to go out?"

"No, I want to."

"Okay, then, it's good."

"What about Sara and E, though? Knowing about it? I thought you were saying that E would repeat stuff."

"Yeah, and you said you were okay with that."

"Are you okay with it?" she asked.

He glanced at her. All this time, he had been making himself not look at her that way. He was giving her space and he needed to pace himself for Ethan's sake, but it had been difficult.

In order to distance himself, he hadn't really focused on Sadie physically. He would blur his vision in just the right way so that he didn't gaze at her beauty. He had made himself forget how beautiful she was and how attracted he was to her. He had been maintaining distance for so long that it gave John-Michael a jolt when he locked eyes with her.

He talked to her as they rode in the car, but he didn't reach out to hold her hand. He wanted to, but now that he had given himself permission, he didn't know where to begin. He had been around her at least ten times in the last month, and never was he this nervous.

He had reason to believe that they both knew what they were in for by this point—it was an official date. He began to wonder if burgers were enough. He asked if she wanted something fancier, and she refused, saying she had her heart set on a burger ever since he mentioned it.

They made their way to a nearby burger establishment called MoJoe's where they sat across from each other and shared a meal. It was a normal meal, but it felt monumental to John-Michael. He noticed everything about her—everything she did. He saw the way her mouth moved when she spoke. She was smiling at him and flirting with him, but she was not too nervous to eat, she ate most of her burger and fries and was still working on her shake.

John-Michael thought she was so beautiful sitting across the table from him, and he wished he could be with her for every meal she ever ate for the rest of her life. He liked her so much, and he could tell by her attentive, caring personality that she liked him too. He played it cool, physically, because he hardly knew where to begin. They talked about surface-level things and left the restaurant an hour and a half after they arrived.

They walked out together, and he held the door for her. She made her way past him, and he put his hand on her side as if to usher her out.

He felt her cold hand cover his.

It was only for a second or two, but she captured his hand on her side, keeping it there, enjoying the contact. She had done it intentionally because John-Michael felt her fingertips move, touching the back of his hand before she pulled away.

He wanted to touch her again.

He ached to reach out and touch Sadie on the way to his truck, but he didn't know how to do it. It had been too long. He was usually nonchalant with women, but this was different. He could tell that she wanted things to move forward, and that made him so pumped and excited that he was reluctant in ways he thought he would never be. He wanted her so badly by this point that he felt like he could just break her in half or crush her by accident. He wanted to tame her. He wanted her to never dance for anyone else but him. He wanted her to come home to him every night. He wanted her to be a mom to Ethan.

He was walking to his side of the truck when he had that thought, and he cringed, wondering if motherhood was too much to ask of her. She was youthful and full of life, and he loved that about her, but that very attribute gave him doubt that she would take to mom life so easily. He had hope, but he also had doubt. He couldn’t help it. Motherhood was a lot to ask.

He sat in the driver's seat and started the truck. It was cool outside and he turned on the heater and the stereo, but he didn't bother backing out. He adjusted in his seat, turning to face her. She extended her arm, and placed her hand gently onto the console, palm up. John-Michael put his hand into hers.

"Is this okay?" she asked.

It felt like heaven to him. His chest was about to explode. "Yes," he said.

She pulled on his hand, holding it closer to her chest. She had on layers of clothing, but he could feel the warmth of her body, and it made him forget to breathe. She was so adorable and it felt so insane to touch her that he could hardly think straight.

"Thank you for dinner," she said.

"You're welcome. My pleasure. That was fun."

"Hey, John-Michael?"

"Yes, Sadie?"