Page 54 of Something New

I had a lot to do to get myself and my equipment ready for the party. I always took time to style my hair and do my makeup when I went out. It was part of my image to have a polished and put-together appearance. It took me a couple of hours to get ready. John-Michael had texted to let me know he would be a little later than he hoped, but that he was still on track to see me at the party. Jonathan texted me once it was closer to nine, saying that he was almost ready, and I took out my earbuds so that I could put them away.

I had been playing music of my own, but now that my earbuds were out, I could hear the low bumping sound of bass from the house. I knew the party was going and it was time for me to emerge from my room.

I put on the fabric mask, tying it in a knot on the back of my head before settling the larger mask on my head. I went to the mirror and gave myself a once-over before I grabbed my cameras. I hung a small one around my neck and held the larger one in my hand.

The costume was breathtaking.

Having nothing to do with me… just objectively speaking… the costume was beautiful. It made me look like a beautiful, black ballerina bird, and I did a half-turn marveling at the playful sprig of feathers on my backside. It was a marvelous costume, and I felt sick and nauseated wearing it. I would, one hundred percent, rather wear my own outfit, but there I was wearing it and wishing I didn't love it so much. I contemplated taking it off, but I knew that answering questions about it would be more effort than it was worth.

I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering how my perspective had changed so much. A few months ago, I would've been utterly impressed by coming to this party at Deadpan's house. But I stood there feeling dread, like I couldn't wait to get this trip over with. It wasn't just that I was abstaining from drugs. That added to it. It made time go by slower, and it made me take in situations in a different way—but that wasn't all of it.

I thought about all of the things that had been said since I had been at his house, and it was just dirty talk. Conversations always went to drugs, sex, or other forms of debauchery. A few months ago, I wouldn't have even noticed. That stuff would have blown right past me. As it stood, it rubbed me the wrong way.

I was a girl dressed up like a circus performer who was not at all interested in any of it. I felt like I was jumping through his hoops for money. I had laughed and gone along with all of their conversations today, and it felt so fake.

Nick had alluded to being attracted to me and wanting to spend time with me after the party, and I didn't even stop him. I just smiled and pretended I didn't hear him or vaguely agreed with things he said. I was ashamed of myself for not putting him in his place. It was my own fault.

I was so glad that the next time I would see him, he would be surrounded by all of his party guests. I was even more glad that backup was on the way. Jonathan's presence made me feel a little better, but I would be overjoyed when John-Michael finally arrived.

I was under contract to work at 9pm, and I went out there several minutes early. People were everywhere. The house was dark and transformed, and the music was so loud that it penetrated all of my senses.

I concentrated on taking photos. I quickly shed the larger mask in favor of the one that covered my eyes. It disappeared from its spot within the first ten minutes, and I didn't care. I was cynical about the whole scene by that point. I had one camera in my hands and another across my shoulder and neck, so I couldn't concentrate on the location of a mask or care that someone had taken it.

I took a lot of photos, and most of them included Nick since I knew that was what he wanted. I snapped a lot of them when he was looking at other people, but he was always aware of my presence. I knew that because he glanced at me continually and I had at least a dozen photos of him staring at the camera.

It was only nine-fifteen or nine-thirty when Nick called me over to himself. He stepped away from a group of people and looked straight at me, gesturing for me to go to him.

The music was loud and there were people everywhere, so he leaned in to speak to me. "How are they coming out?" he said.

"Great! I've got some good ones." I smiled and gave him a thumbs-up.

He gripped me by the mid-section, right at the small of my waist and tugged me inward. "I need to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"You're hot," he said, his breath heavy with fumes.

I stepped away from him, fake smiling. "Thank you," I said.

He nudged his chin at me like he wanted to say something else, and I leaned in cautiously.

"I'm a vampire."

"Cool," I said, trying not to be awkward.

"I'm high, and it's my birthday," he continued.

"That's awesome!" I said, not meaning it.

"That means I get anything I want." He licked his lips, and I smiled, but inwardly I felt disgusted.

I was amazed that a few months ago this experience would have all been so amazing to me.

"Party with me tonight, Shy. I've got some stuff for you in the bathroom right now. The best stuff."

Before I met John-Michael, I would have agreed to put down my camera and do it, but now I had no desire. I had been offered three different types of drugs since the party had started, and in the past, I would have been using by now.

"I'm working," I said, smiling and pulling farther away from him.