Page 1 of The Summer Save

The end-of-season fan celebration was always my favorite activity. I knew nothing about sports before I met my husband. I spent every summer at my family’s vacation home since I was two or three. I didn’t remember a summer that didn’t involve Seaside. Ice cream at the ice cream shop that eventually became my job each year and the very place I met my husband. I had my first date at the beach. Summers in Seaside had always been magical. But that one, the one I thought could potentially be my last guaranteed time in Seaside, changed my life. Jonas was in Seaside for the first time, working at a hockey camp. I didn’t even know what a hockey camp was. And I sure didn’t know that the handsome man who towered over me was the next rising star in a professional Hockey League.

My best friend’s boyfriend, Michael, introduced him as a new friend who was working at the summer hockey camp. Then he babbled on about how he played center, the most fun position in the game. I took his word for it because I didn’t know what that was. The only thing I knew about hockey was it involved ice and a stick. I smiled and nodded as I scooped ice cream into the dish and handed it to Jonas. By the end of the summer, Jonas and I were inseparable. I was heading back to San Francisco for my last year at the music conservatory and hoped that would lead to a place with the orchestra—the orchestra that I had spent my entire life dreaming of playing with. My desire to play the cello with my favorite orchestra was something no one in my life understood until I met Jonas. Because he grew up wanting to play hockey with the Caribou—San Francisco’s local hockey team. The Caribou drafted him and he played on a farm team. I didn’t even know what any of that meant when we met, but by the end of the summer, I knew everything about him and his passion. And he knew me better than anyone else. We knew it would be difficult, and the odds were against us, but we were determined to make our relationship more than just a summer romance we’d look back on later in life.

Now, 35 years later, after being married to him for 30 years and raising two beautiful children, I knew hockey almost as well as I knew music. My husband went from being the star center to leaving the ice for a role with the coaching staff. He was on the coaching staff for a year before his family bought the team. My father-in-law had this great sports dream to one day own a team that he could turn over to his sons. He successfully accomplished that dream with his baseball team. When the owners of the Caribou met hard financial times, it made sense that the Kennedy family purchased the Caribou because the arena was right next to the baseball stadium. That purchase changed our life.

My husband already ate, slept, and breathed hockey during the hockey season, but he had managed to give the offseason for our family. Once ownership was on the table, our family was no longer his summer priority. He hadn’t spent a summer in Seaside since the year he retired from the ice. He came up each summer for the 4th of July weekend; sometimes, we could get him to stay for a full week, but that’s it. And now that our children were adults and had their own lives, they only spent a week or two in Seaside. Our summer home was one of my favorite places, and now it was the loneliest place I had ever been.

But that was about to change because I retired from the Symphony last fall. Technically, I stopped playing five years ago, but I took on a fundraising role with the organization to help save the youth orchestra. Once they found a long-term replacement, I stepped aside. And Jonas told me that once I did, he was ready to leave the Caribou. He had trained his temporary successor. Our son would eventually work his way into the role, but PJ wasn’t quite ready yet. Luckily, there was someone interested in the role for a few years. Tonight, as I stood in the center of the ice next to my husband, I already knew that the Kennedy Sports Group was announcing a new youth program that would fund not only sports programs but arts and music programs for low-income children in our city. Our entire family knew that announcement was happening. Jonas, myself, and our kids were the only ones who knew that he was also announcing his retirement.

After my father-in-law finished his remarks by thanking the fans for being here today and for their support during another successful season, I knew he was about to call Jonas up to the mic. My fingernails pressed into my husband’s arm, and I gently kissed his shoulder before whispering, “I am so proud of you and everything that you have accomplished in your career.”

His lips warmed my forehead before his thumb caressed my cheek. “Annie, you’ve always been my biggest supporter.” I thought this was the sign that we were on the same page and that he was ready to say goodbye to this arena. He stepped forward and stood in front of our family, friends, and fans.

And the words he said shocked me.

“Thank you, everyone, for being here today. We are so blessed to have your support and love. We know that this new youth program is going to bring opportunities to families in our community. I am honored to accept the role of director, and I cannot wait to continue the success of the Caribou while also growing this youth program. To my father and my brothers, thank you for entrusting me with this foundation.”

The crowd erupted in cheers, and our family moved toward him to hug him. The only person who remained at my side was our daughter. Amber linked her arm around mine and whispered, “Mama, when did dad decide he wasn’t retiring?”

With a smile on my face, because I knew there were cameras everywhere, I shook my head. “Your guess is as good as mine. I thought he was announcing it and that we were leaving next week to go to Seaside and start our retirement together. I’m not sure what changed or when.”

When we got home, he headed straight to the refrigerator to put away our leftovers. The family dinner after the event was a tradition. I kept the fake smile on my face all night and never mentioned retirement because I didn’t want a scene in front of everyone. He filled a water glass and offered one to me, but I declined.

“Jonas, what happened to your retirement announcement? I feel like a fool. I stood next to you this afternoon and told you how proud I was of you and all you accomplished in your career. Then, instead of announcing your retirement, you told everyone you were taking on more responsibilities. When did this even come up? When did I become someone who found out things at the same time as fans?”

His green eyes widened as he set the empty glass on the white granite island that separated us. “I thought that was something that we talked about as possibly happening. But it’s too soon. We still have too much to do.” Then he walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and didn’t mention it again. It was as if he expected the discussion to end.

I tried to talk to him about it the next day, and he told me that he was busy and we would discuss it later. I thought later would be at therapy the next afternoon. But I was the only one to show. For the last five years, we had spent time in therapy. We worked through a struggle and made promises. We stayed good on those promises, but then we slipped. We stopped making date night a priority. We accepted that a business obligation needed to happen when it was supposed to be our time. With both of our children out of the home, our nightly dinners, when they happened, were silent. Or he was scrolling through his phone or watching game day tape, and I sat with a book in hopes that the fictional characters would fill the lonely void inside.

Last year, I told him I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t feel like I was an afterthought. I couldn’t be someone that he spent time with when it was convenient. I couldn’t be someone with whom he just shared space. Sharing space was being a roommate. I didn’t want a roommate. I wanted a husband. I wanted a life partner to share my life with. I wanted someone to wake up next to and fall asleep next to. He didn’t pick up the phone the three times I called him. And he didn’t respond to the five text messages.

I came home to an empty house and a note on the counter telling me that he had a last-minute meeting to discuss fundraising for the youth program. My husband’s agreeing to spearhead the Kennedy Sports Group’s new youth program was the final straw. I asked my best friend Meredith how she knew her marriage was over, and I will never forget she said her marriage ended because she was tired of picking up someone’s laundry from the floor. She walked into their bedroom, and there was a trail of dirty laundry from the bed to the shower. It was something that happened almost every day of their marriage. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard until I realized that my marriage was over because my husband took on another responsibility at work. Or more so because I found out about it from another note on the kitchen counter. Jonas tended to say hard things in letters and leave them on the counter because he didn’t want to have a discussion with me. When he knew I was unhappy or wouldn’t agree, he left a note and avoided the conversation.

His suitcase on the bed, packed ready to go, told me he was going to the team summer camp instead of coming to Seaside. The open luggage on our king-size bed filled with clothes, suit jackets, dress shoes, and a laptop bag was nothing new. Packing Jonas’s bag or watching him pack had been part of our life since we first dated. It used to be I was sending him on the road for away games. When his time on the ice ended, I knew his hockey career was just getting started. He was always destined for more. He had been groomed for it.

I grabbed my suitcase from my walk-in closet and took it downstairs. Quickly, I wrote a note and placed it on the kitchen counter before putting my suitcase in my car and heading to Seaside.

When I pulled into our driveway and opened the three-car garage door, I wasn’t surprised to see Annie’s car wasn’t there. She mentioned she was meeting friends for lunch, and then she had an appointment. I’m sure she told me what the appointment was, but I couldn’t remember. I felt bad sending her calls to voicemail during my meeting, but I couldn’t leave the table when people were giving us donations for the youth program. Sometimes, my work had to be a priority. I knew she didn’t always agree with that, but when I was home, she had my full attention.

I kicked off my shoes at the back door. She hated when I left shoes scattered around the house, so our compromise was that I took my shoes off in the laundry room when I entered from the garage. I didn’t like wearing shoes in the house. I didn’t want to carry them upstairs when I first got home. I wanted to walk in, slide my shoes off, and leave them somewhere. I made my way to the kitchen. I filled a glass with water and drank it slowly while flipping through the pile of mail on the counter.

I had about an hour before I needed to head to the airport. My suitcase was already packed. Hopefully, Annie would be back from wherever she went this afternoon so I could see her before I left. I planned to spend the first two or three weeks at camp and then join her in Seaside. This year, it would be longer than just the week of the 4th of July. Neither of our kids would be at the summer house. Amber and Wyatt were taking their late honeymoon vacation. Technically, since he was only a couple of seasons into his career, he should have gone straight to summer camp, but he played his ass off this season and deserved some time off the ice. Plus, he made it very clear that he would always make time with his wife a priority both in the off-season and during the season when not on the road. As the GM, I wanted him focused on the team, but as her father, after watching everything she went through in a previous relationship, I was glad she found someone who prioritized her and didn’t ‘give a fuck what the management thought,’ as Wyatt put it when he and the coaching staff didn’t see eye-to-eye on only attending the second half of camp. He told us he had no intent of ever spending every week at camp. At dinner last week, Amber mentioned that she might go to Seaside once Wyatt headed to camp. She couldn’t imagine missing a summer there.

PJ was vacationing with friends for the next two weeks, and then he was heading to camp. He wouldn’t make it to Seaside this summer. I was almost positive this would be the first summer that Annie had the house to herself other than the week or two that I would be there. I was sure she’d love the quiet. I imagined she’d spend hours reading in her hammock on the porch while listening to the wind chimes the kids made when they were younger. She would walk to town each morning and then enjoy a freshly baked pastry and coffee at her favorite coffee shop. Or maybe she would wait until the afternoon and head to the ice cream shop her best friend’s family still owned. The one she worked at each summer in high school and college. The very ice cream shop we met at 35 years ago.

Just as I turned to head upstairs, I saw Annie’s stationery. The linen paper with the lavender foil monogram at the top that I bought her every year as one of her Christmas presents. I unfolded the sheet and read her words.

Meet me in Seaside. After years of therapy, promises, and disappointments, I’m giving you one summer—a chance to rediscover us in the place where our journey began. At the end of the season, we’ll determine if our marriage is still worth saving. When we return, we either come back recommitted to our life together or ready to meet with a divorce attorney.

The puck’s on your stick, darling.

Last night, when we got home from dinner with my family, I knew she was upset that I hadn’t announced my retirement. But I didn’t know why she thought I was going to. We had mentioned it in passing last summer. She talked about how she wanted to retire and was ready to leave the Symphony. She hadn’t played in the symphony in years. About seven years ago, she transitioned from being an orchestra member to working in the back office and helping organize the fundraisers. She was ready to walk away completely, and I encouraged her to do that. She organized one last fundraiser, and then she said her goodbyes. When we talked about it, I told her I could consider retiring because I had someone in mind to take over. But then this opportunity to start the youth foundation landed on my lap, and I couldn’t walk away from it. She’d always understood when I changed my mind and had never been angry about it. She’d been my constant supporter for the last 35 years. I didn’t think I needed to tell her because she’d always accepted whatever I wanted.

My ass landed with a heavy thud on the bar stool as the linen paper slipped from my fingers and floated to the ground. What am I supposed to do now?

The coaching staff and scouting team were expecting me at our summer camp. This was the time that we invited our players from all levels to come and work through clinics together. Most of our veteran players don’t spend the entire summer at our camp. They came toward the end of the summer, but our new players and anyone in our farm teams took advantage of this opportunity. I didn’t spend the entire summer there. I always went to Seaside for the 4th of July and for part of the summer festival. Although it had been a while since I’d been there for that. I hadn’t missed the first weeks of camp since I joined our coaching staff. These were non-optional weeks for me. I needed to be there at the start of camp and at the end of camp when our veteran players attended. My wife knew this. She knew how important these weeks are.

I slipped my hand into my pocket and removed my phone. That’s when I saw I not only declined 3 phone calls from her, but I ignored 5 text messages. My eyes quickly scanned the messages.