Page 4 of Under the Boardwalk

Groaning again, I go to the counter, grab the order, and return to work. No matter how busy it gets, my mind still drifts back to last weekend when I was brave and sassy and hopped on a ride with the guy of my dreams. It was like the makeover made me a whole new person. It was fun, but still… it wasn't me.

I’ve been avoiding the group the whole week, scared that one of them will look up and automatically see the girl from the fair. I had a wig, Frankie, my new best friend, as she informed me I was, put on me, and the makeup was spectacular. Still, while it was fun for a night, it's not something I could imagine being for me every day. I want to have fun and laugh with Riley but while being my real self, not wearing the mask of a wig and fancy outfit. I want to have an actual conversation with him, and spend hours talking about the topics we both enjoy.

Like the books he gets lost in. I noticed that we actually have the same taste in books. Mystery is my all-time favorite genre, though I occasionally sneak a few romance novels in there. Okay, more than that, but still, I love a good mystery. I can't tell you how often I've tried to work up the nerve to mention how much I enjoyed a book he was so engrossed in. Still, nothing seemed to come out every time I opened my mouth. So I did what I did best, ducked my head, refilled his drink, and went back to work.

For the next two weeks, that is how I spend my time. Avoiding everything and everyone that reminds me of Riley. That even had to include Kas and his new girlfriend, Charli. Kas and I have worked together for years, and while I wouldn't call us awfully close, I’d like to call us friends. Still, he’s way too close to that night. I remember seeing Charlis' surprised eyes and Kas’s accessing ones. I tried to keep a distance, but I’m still worried it will come out somehow.

“Oh, deary, I heard there were going to be fireworks on the boardwalk tonight to celebrate the Fourth of July. Is that true?” an elderly woman asks me as I refill her decaf coffee.

“Yes, ma’am, it's a whole show. You two party animals should grab the bench next to the mermaid fountain. If you get there at about six forty-five, the bench will be open. That's the best place to watch. Best view on the seaside.” I smile as I give away my most prized secret, but this year, I'm not really feeling the drive to celebrate, so I know I won't make it to that bench.

“Oh, what do you say, Harry? Should we go?” the older woman is nearly bouncing in her seat. I watch as the man smiles lovingly at her before answering.

“I’ll go anywhere with you, Jenny.”

I smile at the couple but have to walk away as the tears well in my eyes. I want a love like that, someone to look at me like that, someone to care. My parents love me and my brother, but they are what some might call flighty. I’ve had to take care of myself since I was a little kid as they fluttered from one love festival to another. They never made it a point to get involved in my or my brothers' lives. They loved us and supported us, yes, but showed up? No. They were always too busy with something else. I’ve been so lonely for so long.

My eyes automatically go to the corner booth. That is where Riley and his friends all sit, laughing and joking around. Riley flips the page in the latest Alexander Romano novel. I watch as Kas smiles down at Charli lovingly as she sticks her tongue out at him. He laughs when she steals a fry from his plate. Then I see Grayson lean down and kiss the tip of Harper's nose. You can tell how much he cherishes her. Why can't that be me? Why can't I be a part of that life? Am I so hard to be seen and loved?

I feel like I’m practically screaming for him to look up. Just one time, just set his eyes on me. I’m pleading with him to feel this connection like I do. How can he just ignore it? How is it not eating him alive?

I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don't even notice Jackson in the diner until I'm knocked over and the plates, mugs, and silverware scatter and break across the floor.

“Oops, better pay better attention, sis.” His laugh follows him out of the diner, but all I can feel are the eyes on me. The stares of all the people in the diner looking at me. I can't handle this. I feel my breathing increase. I can't seem to take a deep breath. I can feel the panic coming on, but I don't know what to do. I look back at the booth and notice they all look this way. Oh no, no, no, no, this can't be happening.

“It's alright, babydoll, just stand up for me.” I can barely hear Barb's voice but feel her cool hands on my arm and back as she tries to help me. “Don't you worry about any of this. Tess won't mind handling this mess, would you, dear?”

“Don't you worry one bit, Alina. It was that ass's fault. I'll get this taken care of in a jiffy.” I hear Tessa say, but I can only think about getting away from here. I nod her way, hoping she can see the thanks in my eyes because no words are making it past my tight throat.

“Come on, hun. Just a little further.” Barb soothes me as she guides me out the back door into the fresh air. She sets me down on a milk crate and rubs my back. “Deep breaths. That is, out then in. Now, now, it wasn't that bad, was it?”

My breathing slowly calms down, but my mind can't stop racing. Everyone saw me. They were all looking at me. That is so embarrassing. How am I going to go back in there and serve all those people when they are going to be asking if I’m okay? Or tell me how stupid I looked. I don't even know what will happen, which makes it all the worse.

“You ready to stop avoiding everything around you and talk about it? You know I’m all ears,” Barb says, and I startle because I forgot I wasn't the only one here for a minute.

“What do you mean?” I know exactly what she means, but I'm not ready to face this.

“You can't hide from life, baby girl. I see you day in and day out. Your eyes light up at the stories your customers tell you. I see you holding on so dearly to all those tales, but you are just existing, stuck in the life of a dreamer baby. You aren't actually living,” Barb tells me outright.

“I’m not hiding,” I automatically reply, even though we both know that's a lie. She raises an eyebrow at me, and I duck my head.

I don't mean it. It’s not like I purposely chose to be invisible; it just always seems to happen. Maybe I’m just too plain, like the color beige. No one ever chooses beige when they think of beautiful or unique colors. Colors that pop, shine, dazzle. No, I’m beige. Boring and ignored.

“You ready to tell me the truth?” she asks, waiting patiently.

“I don't want to hide, and I really don't mean to hide. It just sort of happens. I’ve gotten used to just existing, which makes it much easier not to be a target. I’m so tired of being a target for him.” My voice breaks at the end of the sentence, and I feel this fire in my bones. I’m so tired of being my brother’s punching bag and everyone else’s wallpaper.

“Then it's time to come out of that shell, baby girl. You can't live if you are always hiding in the dark. Stand up for yourself, find your voice, and find who you were born to be. Because I can tell you right now, you have more potential to be great than you do at being a wallflower. You were born to blossom, baby.”

I wipe my eyes and lift my head to her, looking into her face and seeing the truth and the strength there. She’s right. I was never meant to be a wallflower. The fun, free, carnival girl. That is who I was meant to be.

Its time to blossom.

Chapter Four

Riley

I hear the commotion and go to stand and help with whatever I can, but I didn't even see what happened. I wasn't too engrossed in my new novel to take in everything around me. Typical, I know. Still, I hate that there was a disaster. Beck is blocking me in the booth, however, and when I look over to see the waitress on the floor, his big ass head blocks my view.