Page 5 of Paved Paradise
“It's not that, I promise. It's just…” I pause, trying to get my emotions under wrap before continuing, “No one has ever believed in me the way you do.”
That last part is choked out, and it's when I finally break down. Alina, my best friend, holds me through the storm and the tears. I let it all out, all the trauma, all the years of being alone, all the sleepless nights not knowing if I was safe or not. I let all of that out right there as I shake on her shoulders, and being the world's bestest of friends, she lets me. Alina doesn't try to fix it, but tells me it will be okay. No, she rubs my back as I break apart, and then she patiently waits as I put myself back together.
“You’ve got more than just me, you know,” she says softly, giving me a tentative smile before continuing, “Before you shut off your heart completely, you might want to give it a chance. And by it, I mean him. Before you argue, just know he’s a good guy who hasn't had it too easy himself. Just give the guy a chance, and if you can't do that, at least give him a break.”
Her words hit me head-on. Call me selfish all you want because I’m feeling as small as I can at the thought of what he’s been through. I never thought of it that way. I’ve had too much shit going on in my life and in my head to think about it. I guess I’ve gotten so used to only having myself, I started only thinking of myself, and that's just sad. I don't want to be a selfish person. Her comment has my interest peaked through, and by the light in her eyes, I can see she's caught on to that.
“What do you mean? He seems pretty normal to me,” I say, not meeting her eyes and not ready to admit that I have any interest whatsoever. Though, silently, I’m hoping she spills all the tea about him, but I know that's not who my bestie is.
“Nah, that's his story to tell and his burden to carry. Just know, I’ve watched that group of guys for years, and out of all of them, I can tell you with absolute certainty Beck has had it the worst. You wouldn't know it; he hides it all behind smiles and jokes, but his life has been the most tragic, in my opinion. Don't get me wrong; none of them have had it easy, especially Kas, but this town has all tried to do what they could to protect Kas. He was harder on himself than any of the rest of the town could be. Beck, though, he hides his pain behind the smile he never lets slip. If you really don't have any interest in him, just please stay clear, okay? He’s got eyes for you, love, and while I know you deserve someone as wonderful as you with just as big of a heart, I don't want to see my friends hurt… either of them.”
I keep eye contact with her, trying to see any sign of deception or lying in her words, but all I see is honesty and concern. I’m pretty sure it's for both of us, too. I give her a nod, letting her know I hear her words. Maybe it would be the best thing to stay away. I never wanted to come here, get attached to someone, and then probably up and leave one day on another adventure. It's already bad enough that I’ve let myself get attached to Al. I don't need a lover muddling the mix. I know myself; I know my heart, and I’ll get attached, but then I won't be able to protect myself.
“Alright, well, I’m heading to meet up with Riley and the gang. Want to join?” She waggles her eyebrows, and I chuckle but shake my head no.
“I got some more designs I want to finish tonight, but you should go have fun. Need me to drop you off anywhere?” I ask, cleaning my area instead of meeting her eyes.
I don't want her to see the lie on my face. Truthfully, I would love to join her and her friends, but I’m grateful for the one friend. I don't need the entire group telling Alina about all the reasons she should ditch me. I squeeze my eyes shut tight and take a deep breath, ridding myself of those thoughts. I hate the fear of acceptance that still seems to cling to me, that little flame of hope I held onto as a young girl, hoping to find anyone to love me. Foster home after foster home, I was never enough. Now, I just don't try. It hurts less. At least, that's what I try to tell myself.
I climb out of the car and wave bye to Al as she heads back through the thrift shop. I decide to head to the fabric store at the very end of the street. I don't really have the money, but I’m in a melancholy mood, and the only thing that pulls me through these is a new design. As I’m going through the alley, almost to the sidewalk, I hear a bang by the trashcans, and then something flies at me.
“AHHHH!!!!” I’m screaming and running out onto the street, trying to find my attacker, when I hit a solid chest and almost fall on my ass.
“Woah there.” I hear a familiar voice say before he swings me behind him and stands in front of me on guard, looking for the treat. I’m still trying to find my attacker as well, but now I’m climbing the man of my recent obsession like a tree.
“What the hell is going on?” he asks, looking around. It's like I was being attacked and chased one minute, and then the perp just disappeared. Just as I’m about to climb down and recover my dignity, there's another bang. I jump, and Beck again places me behind him, making sure he’s between me and the ally. Then the trashcan tips over, and out tumbles a big, fat… raccoon. Eating an apple. Hell, how am I supposed to recover from this?
Beck, the ass, clears his throat, trying to cover the laugh, but as he turns, the shit-eating grin on his face gives it away. Too bad I already decided to leave him alone for good because I could easily fall for all that charm. But Alina was right. I’m no good for him. He’s way out of my league, and looking deep into his eyes, I can see the tiredness and weariness. I don't need to add my shitastic life to his chaotic plate. So, instead, I do what I always do.
“Thanks for the whole Prince Charming, white knight slaying dragons routine, but I’m really more into the grouchy villains.”
Then I turn and quickly but gracefully flee… it's got to be better this way, right?
Chapter Four
Beck
I chuckle at the little guys scurrying back into the alley, the baby raccoon that had my girl basically mauling me. If that's what it would take to get her to stick close to me for longer than three seconds, I might set some traps and unleash them all around town. I make sure the little guy is completely gone before turning back to Frankie. I go to open my mouth and offer my protection for the rest of her life, but her words stop me in my tracks.
“Thanks for the whole Prince Charming, white knight slaying dragons routine, but I’m really more into the grouchy villains.” Then she turns and hauls ass away. Oh, hell no, not again. Growling, I take four steps and place myself right in her path. I catch her arms as she, once again, bounces off my chest.
“Keep up this Houdini act, and you’ll get just that. The grumpy is already in full swing, just missing the villain status,” I growl, placing her back but still standing between her and her destination… I think. “Where are you headed in such a hurry?”
“Just down to the fabric store,” she says, trying to skirt around me again.
“Really? That's not too far. I’ll walk with you!” I say, giving her no choice but to accept as I turn and start walking in that direction. I hear a cute little growl, and it takes everything in me not to laugh out loud. Instead, I turn and start walking backward, but I can now face her. “Come on, Schnookums, let's do some shopping.”
“Wait, what? No! You have plans! I know you do!” she shouts, but still runs to catch up with me.
“Well, I’ll be. You’ve been asking about me, Schnooks?” I know she's friends with Alina, who I’m hanging out with along with the rest of the crew, but still… I can’t not give her shit. Where's the fun in that?
“NO!” she practically screeches.
“Schnookums, I’m touched, but just know I’m an open book for you. Need just to ask.” I tell her regally, pulling the door to the fabric store open and bowing slightly. She rolls her eyes, but I don't miss the smile she tries to hide as she passes me. Yeah, she's into me, even if it's because she feels sorry for my lack of skills. For the first time in my life, the sorry doesn't leave a bitter taste in my mouth.
I follow her like the lost little puppy she has somehow turned me into through the store. At first, I can tell she's nervous at my presence, but the more she fiddles and fusses with the fabric, the less she seems to have a problem with me being here. A few more aisles, and she's asking what I think of each of her choices… and I tell her honestly.
“Well, it depends on what you are using it for. If it's curtains, then great. If it's an outfit, I think it's too busy,” I tell her, staring hard at the kitten fabric she holds up for me. When I notice she isn't saying anything, I turn my focus back her way and see her mouth almost on the floor. Smirking, I take two steps until I'm in front of her and close it for her.