Page 32 of Renegade Queen

I could see Tank barely holding back the urge to shake the little thing from his shoulder and possibly throw a bear tantrum, in turn crushing Fizzle into the ground. Instead, he sighed before looking at me.

“You heard him.”

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to poke fun at Tank for being the little owl gryphon’s transportation, even though his wings meant he could get wherever we were going much quicker than us.

But I couldn’t get a happy emotion to start inside of me, not when I could see Dean starting to close down before my eyes. I watched as all the emotion he held on his face slowly slid away as the tension in his muscles built. He moved in front of the other two, almost like he thought he could protect them from the truth by seeing it first.

I realised then that Dean was probably the way he was because he’d trained himself to act this way. He’d been the one to try and shield his friends as much as he could, and it had cost him. I wondered if they realised it. Not to mention how loud the screaming inside Dean’s head must have gotten after all this time. Perhaps it was as loud as my own. Maybe he’d be the first person I’d ever met who could understand me because he held on to the same all-consuming pain inside.

“Touch my fur, and I’ll take your eyes out while you sleep,” I heard Fizzle snap, drawing my attention back to the present.

When I saw Ryder walking next to Tank, his hand paused mid-air as he tried to decide if it was worth infuriating the little owl gryphon; I decided it was time to step in.

“Ryder,” I called out. He turned to look at me, and the smile on his face broke my heart more than it warmed it. So much so that I couldn’t help but look away. “This should be a quick turnaround; you and the others should probably brainstorm how likely it is the general will be waiting for us back at the portal while we have the chance. You guys know him better than I do,” I said when he fell into step at my side.

My eyes didn’t move to him as I spoke. Not initially, anyway. I was transfixed by Tank’s broad shoulders accommodating Fizzle as they led the way, Dean staying close behind them. Maddox had fallen back a few steps from his friend, almost like he knew it would only piss him off if he tried to move to the front. From how he eagerly looked around, I knew he was still thinking he was about to see his brother alive. I had no idea if I should be trying to prepare him for what was about to happen rather than trying to distract Ryder.

When I eventually turned to look at Ryder, I found him frowning at me.

“He doesn’t need you to protect him,” he told me quietly, and I immediately knew he was referring to Maddox. “Let him hold onto his hope for the few moments he gets to have it. Don’t make him mourn his brother before he needs to.”

“You don’t think we should prepare him?” I asked in concern.

“He already knows what we’re about to walk up to. Just because he isn’t ready to accept it doesn’t mean he doesn’t see the logic of why it’s been so long since anyone had contact with Damon’s team. Since we were kids, Damon was this awe-inspiring figure in our lives. We didn’t place him on a pedestal; we worshipped him and did everything we could to be exactly like him. He was the only thing we saw in the shitty situation we grew up in that gave us any hope that there was more to have in life. Losing him, losing that, will shatter Maddox’s world, and he’ll need to find another reason to live. It might be right in front of him, but he needs time to truly see the possibility of what could be.”

I couldn’t look away from him then. Because I thought I knew what he was talking about, but didn’t dare say it out loud. He moved ever so slightly closer to me until his shoulder brushed against mine as I walked, and I felt something stirring inside me. Something that felt suspiciously like happiness. But it was an emotion that didn’t belong in a place like this, not when walking toward a scene that would haunt us forever.

So I nodded gently before returning to watch the others walking before us. My hand fell protectively to the hilt of my sword as I did. I doubted Fizzle would lead us somewhere where we would immediately be in danger, but that didn’t mean that whatever had taken out Damon’s unit wouldn’t still be somewhere in the area.

Now wasn’t a time to drop our guard. If anything, we should be increasing it. And while the others were about to go through something that would haunt them for the rest of their lives, the least I could do was make sure they were safe.

My magic danced across my skin in response to that need. It was something I’d never experienced before. I felt the hairs on my arms raise in response, and a shiver danced down my spine.

Being back in Nymeria was strange. Everything seemed stronger, louder. Had it always been this way? Had I forgotten what it felt like to be home? If that was what I could even call this place now.

I’d thought of Nymeria as home once before.

And then I’d lost everything.

This place was supposed to have chosen me. It was supposed to have embraced me as the one it wanted on its side.

And when I needed it the most. The land had fallen silent, denying me the power to do anything to save those I loved most.

My hand tightened on the hilt of my sword in response. I couldn’t let that happen this time.

I wouldn’t.

Chapter 15

Maddox

Maddox

This world was too quiet. The silence almost screamed at me as we followed Tank, and the strange cat creature perched on his shoulder.

My eyes kept darting to every shadow we passed, waiting to find some kind of monster waiting inside.

Waiting to devour us, waiting to keep me from finding my brother.