Page 94 of Renegade Kings
“And if they’re not?” he asked.
I thought about it for a second and we came to a stop just out of hearing distance of the last of the fighters. “Ending Arik is all that matters right now, and we need to take every advantage we can if we’re going to survive. But this land has always belonged to Nymeria, Dean. If she wants it back, then we give it back. It was never really ours to begin with.”
“And what about the people who live here?” He seemed surprised that I was willing to let it all go, but then I doubted any of us had really taken much time to think of what the future would look like.
“What people? The Spring Court was slaughtered, and I doubt the refugees that were sheltering here want it to become their permanent home. They had homes and communities before. That’s what they’re fighting for. That’s what they want to rebuild. There’s no one left to rebuild the Spring Court, but we can help them rebuild the others.”
Dean asked nothing else. He didn’t point out that I was left, that it was the home I should have wanted to rebuild. It wasn’t that I didn’t see a future for myself. I wasn’t about to throw myself into this fight and willingly meet my end just because someone made up some prophecy on the day I was born. But what was the point of a court without people to fill it with? Home didn’t have to be the place I was born. I wanted it to be where the people I loved the most were. Right now, I didn’t really care where that was.
He wrapped his arms around me as we watched the last of our people climb into the boats. We probably could have squeezed in, saved them one last trip, but it was important to me that I was here to protect them from the shore.
“Go ahead without us. We’ll cover you from the shore while you board. I’ll guide a boat back for us when you’re all safe,” I told the crewmen.
They were exhausted. They’d made numerous journeys back and forth to the shore without complaint and once more would have been asking too much. Thankfully, I didn’t need to row.
I saw their grateful faces as they took their worried gazes away from the forest, looking for any attack that could be sprung from that direction while their backs were turned. I wanted to tell them they had nothing to worry about. That Arik’s forces had yet to step foot onto Spring land. I was almost certain that I’d have known it if they had, but Dean’s question was chipping away at my mind. Arik had surprised us so many times that we needed to act as if anything was possible.
“Do you think Damon will give us some intel on what Arik is doing at the Winter Palace? Anything about his plans?” I asked Dean as we both watched the last of the boats push off from the shore.
“Damon? Yes. Whatever else is in there with him? I doubt it. At this point, we don’t even know if we can trust which one we’re talking to. We don’t know how much control this other thing has. If there’s a way, Damon will find it. I want to believe that he’s fighting to get back to us, but for now, we might need to assume that he can’t.”
I couldn’t imagine how much that must hurt him to admit. Damon had been the riding force for most of their lives, and after everything they’d been through, they were so close to getting him back, and yet so impossibly far all at the same time.
“Do you trust The Endless to fight by our side?” Dean asked as we watched them climbing the ladders onto the ships.
“They’re not The Endless anymore. They’re people, and they’re angry. I understand why they want to fight and honestly, we need them. Whether we should let them is what concerns me? I’ve seen the look in some of their eyes. I don’t think a lot of them are intending on coming back from this. It’s like they see it as their penance, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I wish we could save them from it all. They deserve the time they need to heal. Pushing them into this fight just feels wrong. It feels like something he’d do.”
I didn’t need to specify who the ‘he’ was. We both already knew.
Dean grunted in what sounded like not quite agreement, but I had a feeling he would always be too concerned with the potential threats to ever truly be able to trust someone outside of our group.
“Do you remember Ezra?” I asked instead.
The row boats were finally empty and someone from the flagship signalled to us that we were clear to take the boat. It didn’t take hardly any effort for me to guide my magic through the water and turn the boat, pulling it back towards the shore.
Dean watched in interest for a moment before he answered.
“He’s hard to forget. One of the many times you ran off to kill yourself and the first time you freed one of The Endless,” he answered wryly.
“I was hardly trying to kill myself!” I objected, not exactly thrilled with the look he gave me in return. “And yes, that’s who I’m talking about. Do you think we did the right thing by letting him go off on his own?”
“He had things he wanted to do, people he wanted to check on. It would have been wrong to keep him from that,” Dean pointed out.
I nodded, even though I wasn’t completely convinced. It seemed so strange to worry about one person when we had so many relying on us right now. Still, I couldn’t help but feel like we should have done more for Ezra, that we should have helped him. He was alone out there now, and I didn’t even dare to think of what Arik would do to Ezra if he got his hands on him once more.
The sound of the boat grounding along the sand had me shaking my head as if to free the dark thoughts, and Dean and I strode forward to climb aboard.
“You don’t have to feel guilty, you know,” Dean finally said as I used my magic to create a swell in the water and push the boat back out into the water.
I looked at him in question, not quite understanding what he was talking about. There was so much nowadays that was on my mind it could have been any number of things.
“Ezra,” Dean reminded me. “It was his choice to leave, and he deserved to have the chance to make it. The consequences are his alone.”
I tried to settle my mind into the ebb and flow of the water as my magic guided us towards Rhidian’s flagship, but it was stuck back on all the people we’d somehow become responsible for. The pressure of making the best decision to keep them safe was enough to break a person and a responsibility many wouldn’t have wanted. I wasn’t sure if I even wanted it.
It took no time at all for our boat to bump up against the hull of the ship. Dean grabbed hold of the rope ladder, holding us steady as he reached out for my hand.
“Alyssa?” When I looked up, I realised he looked worried.