Page 22 of Prince of Pain
“Yeah. She self-harms a lot, and she’s asked me to cut her, but I’m worried about it. I don’t like that she hurts herself, but the thought of me being the one to do it?” I looked away, clearing my throat. “It really gets my dick hard.”
“I know what you mean, the same thing happens to me. I need to ask, but did you leave a crying girl somewhere after she tried to fight you off? Are we about to get hit with a rape charge?”
“No. She told me to choke her so that she was fighting me off. She knows I struggle to get off without something like that,” I mumbled, lifting my eyes to his. “It never used to be like this, I just liked pussy, but now I’m worried I won’t be able to finish without killing someone. What if I cut someone too deep? Or choke them and don’t let go? I blackout and it’s like the monster inside of me is in charge until I fucking come.”
“Suppressing it will make it worse. It’s okay to let it out, but you need to keep some kind of control. If you need medical help, call someone. We’ve had to stitch your mother up a few times over the years,” he chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “Maybe we should teach you to do stitches properly.”
“How is this funny?” I demanded, the humor leaving his face.
“Sorry, it’s not. If you want to keep seeing this girl, you need to sit down and have a good talk with her. Set boundaries for both of you.”
“I’m never seeing her again,” I said sharply, making him give me a strange look.
“Why not?”
“Dad, I went from cleaning up her cuts to hurting her more than she did to herself. It’s not healthy. We’re toxic together, and I told her we can’t see each other again.” I didn’t give a name, but I wondered if he knew just by my description. “She’s heavy on the drugs, and I can’t have people like that around me. I wanted to make sure she didn’t kill herself but that’s it. I need to put myself first.”
“You didn’t take anything with her?”
“No. I’ve been trying to get her clean, but she doesn't want to. She chose drugs over me, and that’s okay, but now I need to be firm and choose myself first. I can’t risk having her around.”
Pride shone in his eyes, and he ruffled my hair.
“You’re so strong, Ry. Seriously, you’re kicking ass. It’s hard putting yourself first, but you’re doing the right thing. Do you want to know any other sex stuff? I’m an open book. Nothing’s too weird for me, okay? If you’re cutting people, clean your blade properly. If it’s someone you don’t know well who wants to mess around, it probably couldn’t hurt to get some kind of contract written up to cover you. I know I don’t need to remind you that we’re loaded, which means people will be after a payout. If they push you to the point of marking them, they could try to pull together a rape case. Just a thought. I can get a lawyer to get something together if you need it, and no one else has to know.” He studied me for a second before walking across the room to the cupboards in the corner, rummaging through them before coming back with a flat box. “Here. I don’t want you using rusty old blades or something.”
I opened it, the new knife staring back at me. The handle was leather and had skulls printed onto it, the blade itself having a leather case over the top to stop you from stabbing yourself when carrying it around.
“You’re giving me a knife to hack girls up?” I deadpanned, making him snort.
“No, I’m giving you the healthiest way to explore your kinks. Sadism is common, and there are a lot of masochists out there too. Pain and pleasure have a fine line, and some people need to cross that line. It’s okay to explore that, Ry. People like different things.” I felt better about it, but that didn’t mean I was on board with hurting people. “Don’t stress. Do some research. Explore. Just don’t fucking kill anyone.”
“I’ll try,” I said dryly, getting to my feet and hugging him. I didn’t let go, and he tightened his arms around me.
“I promise, you’re okay. Come to me whenever you want,” he murmured, and I closed my eyes to savor it.
“Thanks, Dad. I love you.”
I loved my parents so much it hurt, which was why I had to stay clean. I didn’t want them worrying or hurt because of me.
“I love you too,” he promised, patting my back before stepping away. “Go put some dry clothes on. I need to head to the shed. Your sister’s beating up all my fighters again, and I told her I’d break it up by lunch. Call me if you need me.”
“Can you tell Beckett not to beat me up? I don’t remember, but apparently I gave Emerson a black eye at Wet Dreams,” I cringed, making him roll his eyes.
“I heard. Hunter got a call last night from Lexi to let us know you were drunk and making a nuisance of yourself in the club. Couldn’t hurt for you to go there sober later and apologize.”
He didn’t like Lexi all that much, never had, but he was a real stickler about us respecting all of our connected businesses.
Well, us kids anyway. I’d heard him call her names plenty of times.
“Yeah, I will.”
“Hey, could you tell me who your friend is so I can cut them off? I assume they buy from us.”
“Uh, they don’t, and I’m not telling you where they get theirs either, so don’t ask,” I chuckled nervously as his eyes narrowed.
“Someone else is selling in Ashburn Valley?”
“No, it’s out of town.”