Page 41 of Tipping Point
She will always be my burden.
Guilt washes over me.
And here I am, feeling free, and wondering about Camille, if after this year maybe I could…
Could what? The way I spoke to her, told her to get out…
Does it matter? I look at Grace, her face practically unlined even though she’s aged fifteen years. She doesn’t even look serene; she looks like nothing at all.
I had taken that from her, and I had dedicated my life to atone.
And yet.
I touch the letter in my pocket. I can only imagine what it contains, the life I have robbed them of, the accusations, the anger and despair. And with everything wrapped up, and with the end of my contract looming, I have spent this year on the track taking more risks. I spent this year reaching for things I haven’t allowed myself to experience before.
Camille’s face looms before me.
I hoped that by coming here, I would finally feel free. Free to follow through on my decision.
I’ve spent a lifetime making sure I have nothing to live for, and suddenly it feels like I have everything to lose.
8
Chapter 8
CAMILLE
“She’s doing better.” Dixon’s voice is factual and emotionless.
“Well, that’s good, right?”
He sighs. His face is blurry, pixelated, the signal weak. They’re out in the countryside at his parents’ house. They love his wife like a daughter.
“Not really, Cam. There’s often a period where people get stronger. It gives you this false sense of hope.” His voice takes on a dull tone. Hopelessness. Things are progressing a lot faster than the original diagnosis.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“You’re doing it already. I saw the footage so far. They’re dividing it up chronologically and by each team. The edits are starting already.”
I’m impressed. “Must take a big team.”
“Huge.” He grins. “It’s going to be great. By the way, hows Spielberg?”
I am sitting on the small balcony of my hotel room in Spielberg, Austria, and looking out over the village nestled below the hill. The races follow summer weather, so it’s a sunny day. We’d had a heavy shower earlier, but the sky cleared up nicely. I take a sip of coffee from a big cup and give him a smile.
“It’s great. I thought nothing would beat Le Castellet, but this view is breathtaking.” After Montreal, we filmed the race in France, and now Austria.
I have been filming for three months straight. After Monaco, we had really gotten into the swing of things and gotten used to the pace. Now we grew restless and bored on off days.
“Did you see the crash last week?” I ask, sitting up straighter. “We all knew Ollie was going to have a podium finish, but that overtake from Lucien Rousseau in the last lap had all of us on our feet.”
“Home soil.” Dixon smiles. “It makes them push harder.”
“The Vanderbilt team went crazy. It’s their first podium finish of the season.”
“You know…” Dixon grins. “I never thought I’d hear these words come out of your mouth.”
We laugh together.