Page 14 of The Little Things
Mom’s head came up, her expression softening as she smiled at me. That smile was always a punch to the solar plexus. It was the very same smile she’d given me when she brought me home for the very first time. At first, I didn’t understand the meaning behind the gentle look, but now I got it. It was love. Pure, unfiltered, and unconditional. “Hi, honey. You’re just in time, it’s almost ready.”
“Would have been ready sooner if your grandfather would stop cutting in, trying to steal a bite of everything,” Grandma grumbled, but it was all in good fun. She and my grandpa had been giving each other shit their entire lives. Pop once said it was how they kept their relationship from becoming dull. Mom said bickering was their love language. I knew it to be both.
“Wouldn’t have to steal food if you weren’t always tryin’ to starve me to death, woman.”
Grandma hooted out a laugh. “Please, I’m not going to take the time to starve you to death. If I wanted you dead, I’d do it quickly. I have a nice, firm pillow at home that’s perfect for the job.”
I let out a bark of laughter as I moved to Lennix, placing a kiss on the top of her head before moving around the island to do the same to Mom and Grandma. Dad got a quick, back-slapping hug. Same with Pop, only not as hard.
“Smells great in here. Can’t wait to dig in.”
Dinner went the same way it always did, with good conversation, a lot of laughs, and incredible food. Although, I didn’t miss the way my mother’s gaze kept drifting in my direction every few moments as we ate. I could sense her worry, and I hated that I couldn’t fake it well enough to put her at ease.
Fortunately, she seemed content to wait until we had a bit of privacy before starting her game of twenty questions to make sure I was all right.
“I spoke to Alma earlier today,” Mom said as everyone tucked into their desserts. “She asked after Rae, wanted to see how she was doing.”
Something about that didn’t sit right with me, twisting my stomach into an uncomfortable knot. “If she wants to know so bad, why not ask herself?” The words came out a little harder than I’d intended.
She arched a single black brow, that creepy mom intuition of hers always seeing more than I was comfortable with. “She has. She was just concerned that Rae wasn’t being completely honest is all.”
I shrugged, trying to rein my temper in. I reminded myself that Alma and Roan weren’t bad people. I didn’t know them well, they’d moved away when I was a teenager, but I knew enough to know they loved their daughter. I also trusted Rory and Cord’s opinion above all else, and there was no way they’d be friends with shitty people. My gut reaction to think they’d dumped their problem child off on us because they didn’t want to deal was off the mark, but it was difficult to remember that when every goddamn time I closed my eyes, I saw her crying that first night.
“Hal says she’s good, so I guess she’s good,” I answered with a shrug.
“Hal says?” Mom asked, pinning me with a look that had the hairs on my arms standing on end. “You aren’t working with her?”
Damn it.
“I’ve been drownin’ in paperwork this week,” I defended. “It’s not like I can keep an eye on her twenty-four seven.” But I could have at least watched out for her a little. “I trust Hal. He’s a good guy, and he’s taking care of her.” A whole hell of a lot better than I probably would have, considering I couldn’t seem to quit snapping at her.
She hit me with a disapproving glower that I’d seen more times than I could count, and each time, that look had my nuts shriveling back up into my body.
Fortunately, before she could jump down my throat, my little sister spoke up, directing everyone’s attention to her. “I’ve met her. Talked to her a few times. She’s really sweet.”
Lennix’s excitement at having another woman around the ranch was palpable. Sure, she was friends with most of the ladies who worked at the lodge, but at the end of the day, they all went home. Rae actually lived on the same land.
“Kind of nervous,” she continued, and I couldn’t help but get sucked in as she gave her impression of the woman. “A little unsure of herself, but I think she’s tougher than she gives herself credit for. And she’s really pretty,” she tacked on, looking straight at me and waggling her brows. “Bet it’s only a matter of time before all the cowboys start asking her out.”
That coal in my gut that had been smoldering since she showed up here caught fire. Something sharp and uncomfortable slashed through my insides. “She’s here to work, not date. This isn’t one of those bullshit reality dating shows you love so much.”
“Don’t be such an asshole,” Lennix threw back, ripping off a chunk of her dinner roll and throwing it at me, bouncing it right off my forehead with perfect precision.
“All right, that’s enough.” My father’s deep, commanding voice cut through the air, effectively stopping our arguing, like it always did. Lennix and I didn’t fight often, but when we did it never lasted more than a handful of minutes thanks to Cord’s authoritative tone.
“She calls Zach Grumpy Cowboy,” she added, and that goddamn twist in my gut got even tighter.
Both my Mom’s and Grandma’s heads whipped around in my direction. “You’ve been mean to her?” Mom asked in that universal mom voice that made all kids, no matter their age, feel like shit.
“No, I haven’t—that’s not.” Fuck my life. “I’m gonna fix it, all right?” What else could I say? It wasn’t like I could defend my shitty behavior. I knew I’d been acting like a dick and it ate at me. “I’ve just been dealin’ with a lot,” I admitted, finally saying the words out loud. It wasn’t an excuse, but the truth that I was willing to stop avoiding. I gave my mother my full attention, my gaze drilling into hers as I confessed, “I see what I’ve been doing, and I’m gonna correct my behavior, I promise.”
There had been a lot of growing pains between me, Rory, and Cord the first few years after I came to live with them and the adoption went through. It wasn’t that I was a bad kid, but twelve years of abuse and neglect, of fending for myself, had created barriers inside of me that weren’t easy to break down. I could snap when I didn’t mean to, say something rude without thinking, and hurt their feelings, which inevitably led to me spiraling because I hated hurting the people I loved.
It took some time, and I had to relearn a lot of the things I’d been forced to teach myself, but one lesson Rory taught me that always stuck was that I was allowed to fuck up. It was human nature. But I was always supposed to take responsibility for my mistakes and do what I could to fix them.
The anger faded from her expression and her features went soft, a lot of the worry she’d been trying—and failing—to mask melting away. I wasn’t hiding from her anymore, she could see that, and she knew there was no reason for her to be concerned. “That’s all I ask. I know my boy, and he’s nothing but good.”
That was something she started saying in the very beginning and had never stopped. She believed it wholeheartedly, and it was that faith in me that helped me become a man worthy of the family I’d been lucky enough to find.