Page 53 of The Brooklyn Way
He eyed me. “Don’t get fucked in this car.”
“Twenty-five days.”
“But we can talk, text, and video chat, right?”
“Not the first four days, Cameron. Let me get through the prayer retreat. I want to be open to hear from God so I can get clarity.”
“I got your clarity,” he mumbled softly.
“I heard that. Stop it. If it’s meant to be, I’m gonna come back to you.”
He shook his head. “I don’t like playing with old wives’ tales. It’s bullshit.”
“When I come back to you, I want to be whole.”
“You lost both of your parents. You’re never gonna be whole again. If you base coming back to me on that, we might as well call it right now.” He threw up his hands, and my heart sank.
“Not whole like that. Maybe whole wasn’t the right word. I want to come back to you with confidence that my motives are pure.”
“They’re pure. Your heart is too pure for your motives not to be. But you need that. You’ve told me a thousand times. So I’mma let you have it… even though I don’t want to.” He kissed my lips. “Four days. If I don’t hear from you on day five, I’m coming to New Mexico… finding whatever building, tent, wigwam, or teepee you’re in and I’m knocking all of their shit over.”
I laughed from deep down in my stomach. One, because it was funny, but two, because I knew he would do it.
“Penny for your thoughts.” Big Red’s voice was soft as she sat on the bed across from mine in the hotel room in New Mexico.
The church chartered a bus, but Big Red had bristled at the thought of a twenty-hour long bus ride. So, I’d flown from Jackson Island to Londynville where the two of us boarded a plane. We’d been the first ones to arrive and the hotel manager was kind enough to let us check into our room.
“Nothing’s on my mind,” I lied. “Why’d you ask that?”
“Because you look like a woman who’s reminiscing about some… sweet memories.”
I curved her statement while still opening the door for us to discuss my plight. “I’m tired of only having memories of the people I…” I caught myself before I could say the word ‘love’. “I’m tired of only having memories of the people I care about. At some point I want some of these people to stay around, to not… leave me.”
“I know what it’s like to lose your parents,” she empathized. “Not in the same manner that you lost yours… not tragically. That certainly wasn’t fair and I hate that for you. I’m sorry that you don’t have them here to guide you, to love on you or to offer counsel. But your gentleman friend…”
I cut her off with my laughter. “Gentleman friend? You’re so formal, Big Red.”
She gave me a smirk-- her eyes twinkling brightly. “What should I call him, granddaughter? Your boyfriend? Your man?” She wiggled her eyebrows comically. “My future grandson?”
“You play too much. Just call him Cameron.”
“Cameron didn’t leave you, Brookie.”
“But what if he does?” I whispered.
Big Red stood up, crossing the space between us and pulling me into her arms. I was going through my suitcase but the fact that my hands were full didn’t deter her. “Aww, my sweet Brookie baby,” she cooed. “Finally, finally, you’ve given voice to what it’s been all along. All this time you spent dancing around it, running from it, making excuses… Are you finally ready to talk about it?”
“I love him,” I admitted as she released her embrace. “I’ve known him for years, but I’ve only really known him for a few months. Who falls in love this fast? Is that even possible? Maybe I’m just enamored with him. Maybe it’s limerence.”
“It’s not a crime if it’s love. No one can put a time limit on when you can develop feelings of love.”
“He wants me to consider moving to Chicago to be with him.”
She shrugged her slim shoulders. “You were born and raised there. Lived there until you were twenty. It wouldn’t be like what you did with Vince. It would be going home.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “And my mama’s family is there. I mean, I’m not particularly close to her aunt and uncles or their children but they are there. Still, I really love Jackson Island. I’m happy there. I feel like moving to Chicago would cause me to start visiting Targets again.”
“What?”