Page 8 of Knot Innocent

With a wave of her trembling hand, she says, “A mistake. One that I won’t be repeating.”

Birdie then pivots and steps toward her car. Worried by her actions and unsatisfied with her answer, I reach for Birdie’s arm to stop her. An image of my father grabbing my mother pops into my head, and I immediately drop Birdie’s arm as if it were a live wire. I’m frozen, not believing that I just put my hand on a woman.

Birdie takes the opportunity to slip away, and I’m too afraid of myself to stop her a second time.

Birdie

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit!

Shaking fingers struggle to hit the start button after I’ve escaped safely to my car. What have I done? My heart races at all the ways tonight went wrong. First off, me showing up at all. That was a whole lot of stupid.

And, of course, my bad decision had to be combined with bad luck. Never at any time did I ever consider the possibility that I could run into someone I know during one of these sting operations. Now that I have, I fear my whole world is about to come crashing down around me.

I lean against the headrest and blow out an unsteady breath. The cold air blowing from the vents chills my skin, which is already experiencing cold sweats. Using my sleeve, I wipe my forehead and then rub my clammy hands over my leggings.

I fumble to turn on the heat and attempt to settle my nerves with logic. Difficult, but not because of my run-in with Bastien. I’m now wondering what might have happened if he hadn’t been there.

“Stop it, Birdie.” You were miked up and had cameras everywhere. Though foot traffic was light, you were in a prominent location in a public place. The guy grabbed you out of anger, but there’s no way he would have made it out of the area with you. Weeks of work were wrapped up with a successful sting tonight. You should feel proud.

I present some valid points. While I know all this to be true, it doesn’t stop my insides from quaking. Sure, I got what I needed from the target, but not without having the cripes scared out of me.

Despite my many precautions and the likelihood of a safe outcome, I’m glad Bastien showed up when he did—correction, pretended to leave and secretly hung around like he did. Deep down, I admit that Bastien chasing Predator Tom away was much safer than facing the extremely slim chance that Tom carried a weapon and planned to use it.

The problem is that it was Bastien that scared that guy off. Maybe not so much that he was the one who came to my rescue but that it was someone I work with. Not good. Someone like Bastien will expect an explanation. I count myself lucky that he let me leave.

If Sadie had been the one to happen by, I wouldn’t have gotten out of there at all. I don’t think Bastien planned to let me leave without being deposed, so I count myself lucky. I don’t understand why Bastien suddenly checked out, but I wasn’t going to wait around for him to recover. Not that I don’t fully expect to be bitten in the ass about it later. Now that I think about it, preparing for that eventual confrontation is scarier than squaring off against Tom.

The shaking in my hands is finally gone, and not seeing Bastien anywhere around, I think it’s safe to leave. Sighing, I back out of my parking spot and point my car toward home.

Before I’ve even left the retail district, I’m playing armchair quarterback to my own game plan. God, I feel like an idiot. And lucky. Meeting the mark without police or any other kind of backup was the worst kind of stupid. The only thing dumber was revealing the sting to Tom to try and scare him off when he wouldn’t accept that the fifteen-year-old had changed her mind.

If I’m ever in a solo sting operation again, I’ll stay in character and be better prepared with a full-size taser. Scratch that. No more solo stings again. Ever. After tonight, I never want to imagine being close enough to a target to need a stun gun. The bruising on my arm from Tom’s grip seals that deal. Just thinking about him touching me gives me the heebie-jeebies.

I crank my car’s heat to the max to ward off the chill and check the mirror before turning at the next intersection. Great. I have a tail. I guess Bastien recovered from his stupor and decided to follow me home. That likely means he’s changed his mind about letting me off the hook.

After pulling into my driveway, I stall as long as possible by cleaning up discarded receipts and gum wrappers in my door bin. If I’m going to get the lecture I expect, I’ll need the extra time to brace for the impact.

The dark sedan rolls past my house without stopping, and I breathe a sigh of relief. He apparently just wanted to be sure I got home okay. I’m sure I’ll catch hell later, but at least I have time to come up with an acceptable explanation.

I shove the car door open, the wind from an approaching storm providing a bit of resistance. The gusty breeze blowing since yesterday finally brings with it the smell of rain. The scent fills my lungs as I step out of the car and walk to my door.

Usually, I’d stop and soak it all in, but a shiver works its way down my spine, chasing me inside. I’ve always enjoyed the subtle changes in the weather, but instead of questioning why, I chalk it up to this weird night and shake it off.

My tension fades only slightly once I’m secured inside my home. Hoping it will help, I take the time to prepare a cup of warm lavender milk before sitting at my desk. The subtle fragrance wraps around me like a blanket as warmth seeps into my fingertips from the heated mug.

A few sips of the calming drink and several deep breaths go a long way to settling my frayed nerves. The wind still whips outside, but I’m not bothered by the sound.

I power on my computer now that I’m on a more even keel. All of tonight’s footage gets uploaded and sent to Detective Cooper, hoping he’ll get Predator Tom off the streets quickly. I don’t expect Cooper’s reaction to my meeting Tom alone to be any better than Bastien’s, but whatever. It’s too late to worry about that now.

With the case closed on my end, I take the time to archive the files and head to bed early. I’ve not gotten a lot of sleep lately, and tonight’s sting should quiet the demons for a few days, at least.

I sigh long and loud because I’m still awake when my dick clock ticks past ten p.m. However, it’s not thoughts of what happened to Meals keeping me up this time. I can’t stop thinking about Bastien and what caused him to freak out and freeze up like he did.

Undoubtedly, our brief encounter caused him to experience a wide range of intense emotions. His facial expressions cycled through surprise, confusion, protectiveness, and definitely anger. Bastien wasn’t angry at me at any point. His rage was directed at the man who put his hands on me.

It’s no wonder the night left Bastien in such a mess. I’d probably have the same reaction and suspicious thoughts if I saw Sadie out on the street in a dress and heels. What I don’t get is what happened once it was all over. Instead of giving me the third degree, Bastien shut down completely. The man looked as lost as he did the day I found him with bloody knuckles.

I wonder again what chased him into the woods that day, what had him so outraged that he’d risk injury to purge his fury. With Bastien not being the talkative type, I’m sure he isn’t the feelings-sharing type either and probably wouldn’t have answered if I’d asked.