Page 26 of Entangled With You
“Where do you want to start?” Dr. Sosa asks as I take a deep breath while getting comfortable on the couch in her office. My brain is a tangle of thoughts and emotions, and I’m not sure where to begin.
Ruffling my hair in frustration, I answer honestly. “I don’t know, Doc. I have so many things going on in my head. On one hand, I’m feeling hopeful about this girl I’ve been chatting with on the app. On the other, I’m feeling so guilty that I enjoy talking with this other girl while trying not to speak with Cattleya.” I can’t look into Dr. Sosa’s eyes; I feel ashamed that I’m still hung up on something that happened so long ago. It could have been fixed, if I only had spoken with her.
“And why do you think you couldn’t speak with Cattleya? Do you think that now that you’re feeling more comfortable with other girls, you could approach her, and clear things up?”
I chuckle at the doc’s question; they’re always the hardest. “I hate to say this but, I don’t know. Maybe I’m hung up on the idea of her? It was four years ago, but everytime I think about her, a rush of emotions invades my body. She’s truly the first girl who made me feel something besides lust.” I pause, thinking about those nights I spent with her, chatting until sunrise, being amazed by her witt, her drive. She was ready to eat the world at eighteen, and she’s doing just that at twenty-two.
“Maybe, I mean. I know at some point I have to. Her sister is married to one of my best friends.I know I won’t be able to avoid her forever, especially now that she lives here in Argentina. What the fuck I am going to tell her?”
Once I realize my slip, I apologize, and Dr. Sosa waves me off. “Let’s practice. Pretend I’m Cattleya. We see each other on the street, and there’s no way you can avoid me. What would you say to me?”
Taking a deep breath, I try to visualize Cattleya: those curious warm amber eyes that looked at me with undivided attention are on me, and a fire lights up inside me. A genuine smile forms on my lips. Pulling my bottom lip with my thumb and index fingers, I say, “So, how are you? It’s been a long time.”
Dr. Sosa smiles and follows my lead. “Oh, Matías, wow. Hi. It’s been so long.”
I laugh at her bubbliness. She’s definitely trying to act like a twenty-two-year-old woman. “You got her vibes down to a T, Doc. Cattleya is always so bubbly and full of life,” I say as I remember how her happiness was infectious to anyone around her.
“There you go Matías. If she’s a happy person, why are you afraid of her reaction?”
I raise my shoulders and my hands.
“I think I’m scared to confirm I fucked up my chance with her.” Releasing a long breath, I feel lighter. I finally voiced what had been eating at me all this time. “And now that I think about it, I’ve been an idiot of unmeasurable proportions,” I say as I chuckle. “I mean, if I fucked it up, there’s nothing else I can do. But I owe it to myself to close that chapter of my life. And if that’s the case, I’ll move on.”
Dr. Sosa closes her notebook. With a triumphant smile, she says, “I’m glad you see it that way. I think it’s a great course of action. Maybe we can focus next on the source of your anxiety? I think it’d help you navigate through the moments when the anxiety tries to take control of your mind.”
I raise my eyebrows in shock. “Doc, I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Even though I’m very happy to see things in a different light, I’m not sure if I can keep putting my feelings out there week after week. It’s exhausting.”
A warm smile spreads across Dr. Sosa’s face. “Of course. I know emotions run high, and it can feel exhausting at times but if you truly want to be in charge of your emotions, I suggest you continue your therapy. I’ll always be here whenever you are ready to continue.”
Nodding, I give her a smile. “Thank you, Doc. I’m glad I came. You’ve helped me tremendously.” Then I head out of her office feeling ready to move on, even though the little voice in my head tells me Dr. Sosa might be right.
Chapter 12
Cattleya Cardona
The season is flying by. We’ve only lost one game and tied two. If we win tonight’s match, we’re advancing to the playoffs. Luckily for Tinta, most of the teams have stadiums in the Buenos Aires Province, so I’ve been able to come home every night. I’m sure I would have snuck him into the hotel with me, but I’m just glad it hasn’t come to that. I didn’t realize how much I needed a companion until he showed up in that cardboard box. I look forward to coming home every day, not only to unwind from training. but also because I know he needs me. And he’s growing up so fast, I can’t believe my little Furball has gained a pound in the last month.
Chatting with Mati has been a dream; he’s every bit the man I remember from all those years ago but better. Not sure how to describe it but he feels more at ease, not worried about my reactions anymore. Ever since that initial freakout, he’s been chill and so into me. Sometimes I worry he likes Milena more than he ever liked Cattleya, and it’ll be hard for him to reconcile that I’m both. He has mentioned a couple of times that he wants to either try a FaceTime call or meet up. So far, I’ve been able to get away with telling him I’m away for work. I know I’ll have to face the music sooner rather than later, and I would rather do it in person than to give him the shock of his lifetime through a screen where he can simply disconnect. I know I’ll owe him a big apology after not telling him upfront who I am, but I hope he can see my side and forgive me. It’s truly been a magical time chatting with him.
It’s a rare week where we’re playing on a Wednesday rather than a Sunday, due to the men’s team needing the stadium this weekend. They advanced to the quarter-finals in an international tournament, and since their team is the one that brings in the big bucks, they get preferential treatment. Maybe if we were treated equally, we would be able to bring in more revenue, too. Regardless, I’m excited to get a free weekend for once. I bought a car not too long ago, so I’m driving down to La Plata to see her. The trip is quiet and uneventful, the only noise in the car is Tinta’s purring as she naps in her carrier.
“You’re here!” Sofi shouts as she opens the door and embraces me in a huge hug.
“Hey, sis. How are you?” I ask as I move inside.
“Not too bad. I’m so glad you came. I bought a ton of junk food. We’ll have a movie marathon tonight, just like we used to do when we were living in Medellín.” A sense of nostalgia spreads through me; growing up with my sister was such a gift. I’m thankful I still get to have these moments with her though, another reason why I moved to Argentina.
“And your hubs? Is he going to join us?” I ask as I walk toward their guest room to leave my bag.
“Oh, he and Marco are spending the weekend in Alamo Peaks with Luca and Karina.” I wonder if Matías is going, too. He didn’t mention anything last night while we chatted. “And if you’re okay with it, we’re grabbing brunch with Dani tomorrow.”
“Are you kidding? I’d love that. Maybe she’ll let me peruse her designs and see if I can buy something,” I say as my sister inspects the backpack holding Tinta.
“You brought the baby and didn’t tell me? Oh, my God, I need to hug him.” My sister croons as she removes the backpack from my arms and scoops Tinta out. True to being the consentido (spoiled) that he is, he immediately buries into her chest. “Ay Cata, he’s so cute. Don’t be surprised if when you go home tomorrow, he’s not in his backpack,” she tells me with a shit-eating grin. I immediately lunge for him, and she darts off toward the kitchen. I arrive right behind her, and she’s already getting bowls ready for him while she murmurs sweet nothings in his ear.
“Wow, Sofi, baby fever much?” I tell her as she gently passes her hand over Tinta’s fur.
“Oh, yeah. I’ve been jumping Franco’s bones every second he’s around but so far nothing.” I laugh at her picturesque description of having a healthy sexual relationship with her husband.