Page 30 of Midnight Kiss

“It matters because I want to know,” she said.

I had never encountered anyone who was genuinely interested in me. It was a confusing feeling. At Sanguine Nox, I had been a weapon for evil, and with the U.C., I was a tool for good. For the good of humanity. And Cassia? She had always wanted something from me, for personal gain. Almost every vampire I had encountered had behaved selfishly.

The last time I had spoken with someone who was interested in me, for me, had been with my mother, centuries ago.

My chest hurt, and I stroked my palm over it.

“Alex. Please. Look at me,” Emily said. “I don’t know what you’re holding back, but you can trust me.”

“I’m not holding anything back, Emily.”

“Fine. If you’re going to lie to my face, I’m going to leave.” She spun on her heel and walked off, her hips swaying. My gaze strayed over her body, the oversized sweater that hinted at what might be underneath, the jeans she’d chosen for today that cupped her curves just right.

Let her go. Just let her go.

But I needed the book.

I growled under my breath, hating every part of this, from my confusion to the pain this would cause her.

I caught up to her and grasped her arm, spinning her around so she collided with my chest.

Emily let out an adorable squeak. “Alex, what are you?—”

“My mother was killed when I was eleven years of age,” I said, gritting my teeth. “I didn’t know my father, even though he was a wealthy man.” A French nobleman. “And when she died, I had no one left until I was adopted by a man who treated me to years of abuse. I don’t like to talk about who I am. I don’t like to share feelings. I don’t enjoy wanting to tell you these things and having to hold them back.”

Her jaw dropped.

“In fact,” I said, pressing a thumb to her bottom lip and pulling on it gently, “I don’t like the fact that I want you, Emily. You have worn down guards I’ve had in place for years. But now, every time I wake, I think only of you. I wonder what you are doing, thinking, who you are talking to, and why they are not me. I curse your friends for having the time with you that I want. I curse the day I met you.”

“Alex.”

I cupped her cheek with one hand, drawing her closer, pressing her soft, warm body against me, heat rising in my body, an overwhelming desire that threatened to destroy what little control I had left.

“Most of all, I hate the fact that I can no longer resist you.” And then I brought my lips to hers and claimed her mouth.

She whimpered against me, and I fisted a hand in her hair, deepening the kiss, parting her lips to taste her fully.

The kiss was breathless, her fingers caught on my coat, pulling, demanding more of me, and I gave it to her willingly, losing myself in the moment, even though it had to end.

I stepped back, releasing her suddenly, aware of how embarrassingly aroused I was. I shifted my cloak to cover myself, my gaze fixated on her lips, bruised red with the intensity of the kiss. Fangs lengthened in my mouth, and I kept it closed to hide them from her.

“Alex, I’ve never felt anything like this,” she whispered. “I’m afraid.”

My fangs still hadn’t retracted yet, and I forced myself to look away from her, from the rapid breaths that lifted her chest, her breasts pressing against the thick wool of that sweater.

“Alex?”

Finally, I cleared my throat. “I’m afraid too,” I said, and then extended a hand to her. “But we will work through it together.”

She took my hand, and we started the walk back to my car, the fluttering of her mortal heart a painful reminder of my failure. Now that I had kissed her, there was no going back.

11

EMILY

I’d spent the day at work, thankfully not sick and throwing up, thinking about him. The kiss had been unbelievable. Like nothing I’d ever experienced before. How was it possible that kisses could feel like that?

It was silly, but I was kind of worried that it had meant more to me than it had to him, but when he’d stepped back, his eyes practically burning gold in the morning light …