Page 15 of His to Worship
A little crush when it comes with a lot of help is something I can honestly handle. It’s not like it’s a feat to be fawned over. I’ve done absolutely nothing since he came. That’s not from my lack of trying, but every time I’d try to indicate with mimes and words that I wanted to help, he would tell me no in that gravelly voice of his.
That was a word he picked up quickly, along with ‘hungry.’ I’d said both when he’d first offered me food because I’d been worried about it agreeing with me.
“No hungry.”
I’d repeated it several times, but his growl of displeasure had been enough to encourage me to eat. It had also done some unexpected things to my insides, but I was choosing to pretend that didn’t happen.
I’ve picked up a few words of my own. I now know that the dried meat is “off-tee,” and the flatbread he gave me with it is called “mala.” Both of them turned out to be surprisingly good. The meat is strange—dried, chewy, with a taste that's hard to describe—but it is oddly tender. The spices are a little stronger than I am used to, and the flavor profile is woodsy and gamey, somewhere between the taste of deer and bison. The bread has a slightly sweet and nutty taste. Overall, it was rather yummy.
One bad thing about having nothing to do is that it gives me the time to think about the others. I can’t help but second-guess if I’m making the right choice. Now that I am not freezing, starving, and alone, I start to wonder if it’s right to leave the others in their pods.
But at the same time, how much help can Kuvier provide? Yes, he can help us survive on this planet, but I know everyone is going to be looking to find a way off of this planet. Between the Stone Age tools and the trashed ship tech, I don’t see that happening. Plus, Kuvier is one person, how could I expect him to provide for eight women alone?
Plus, I have a feeling that once they wake up, coming to terms with the fact that this is where we’ve ended up won’t be easy and I don’t think it’s a reversible decision either. I highly doubt the remaining tech in the pods and crate can sustain someone going back under stasis safely. So, I’d be essentially making a life altering decision for all of them. It’s a lot to consider, and it’s overwhelming to think about for one person.
I heave a sigh and try to push my thoughts away. Instead, I turn my eyes to Kuvier. He’s moving about with purpose, efficient and deliberate, sinewy muscles flexing under the strain of his work. In the time since he had me sit down, he’s already made improvements to everything. He pulled down whatever contraption I’d built over the door. The awning he’s put up instead hangs over the doorway of the crate, flapping lightly in the wind. It’s the perfect cover for the large fire pit he’s working to build out of natural stones he’d found on one of his many short trips outside.
He disappears for just a few minutes at a time, as if he doesn’t want to leave me alone for long. He always comes back with something new in his hand, and always makes a stop with me to see if I need anything. He’ll ask me, “Hungry? Water? Cold?” The words he’d focused the hardest on learning. Well, other than my name.
I watch Kuvier closely, noting how his strong, clawed hands move deftly to arrange the kindling within the circle of stones. He uses a reed-like straw that’s bright red in color as kindling, and I can’t help but wonder if whatever plant those come from is why so many things are red around here. When he finally lights the fire, a warm glow fills the space, casting comforting shadows on the crate's walls.
As another sun sets, we’re officially down to the last one, and I feel a twinge of anxiety. This is only my second night on this planet. The first was uneventful, but there’s another person to contend with now. I wonder how Kuvier will act under the guise of darkness. Will he try anything?
But, after a quiet dinner, Kuvier surprises me. He moves around me, a bundle of furs in his hand. He takes his time setting up a comfortable space close to the pods. He gestures for me, and I realize that he wants me to lie down. I also note that he’s only built a space for one. He gives me an encouraging smile, so I stand and move over to the bedding space. Lying down on it, I’m amazed to feel it’s actually rather padded and soft. He takes the cloak and blanket from me. Once I lay back, he drapes them both over me and I am instantly warm and cozy.
With another tender look, he asks, “Hungry?”
I shake my head and say, for good measure, “No, I’m not hungry, I’m not thirsty for water, and I’m not cold. I’m warm.” I wiggle in my space to show him I’m content. Satisfied, he gives a grunt and then he moves to sit by the fire, his back to me, clearly intending to keep watch.
I lie there, wrapped in the furs he’s provided, feeling their warmth seep into my bones. They have an earthy smell that is distinctly him. It’s an odd mix of what smells like rosemary and pine, and it’s weirdly comforting. Kuvier’s figure is a silhouette against the fire and the dim setting light, the broad slope of his back a reassuring sight. He seems to take his self-appointed role as protector very seriously.
Despite the strangeness of our situation, there’s something about Kuvier that makes me feel secure. I shouldn’t feel as safe as I do, not after everything that’s happened, but his presence has a calming effect. It’s like an unspoken assurance that things will be okay. Maybe it’s the way he looks at me with those deep, expressive eyes, or the gentle touch of his hands when he helps me with simple tasks. Whatever it is, it’s enough to let me close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
NINE
- kuvier-
It does not take Sedona long to fall asleep. Within moments of leaving her to lie down, I hear her heart rate slow and her breathing even. I knew that she may feel worried about the sleeping arrangements; I noticed the surreptitious glances she would throw at the sky and me.
But, I have had every intention of sitting watch from the moment I smelled her scent and felt the mate bond fall into place. With the night falling and our closeness to the Blood Mountains, I worry over a stray zuhvit. So, I plan to sit and watch until the first eye has a companion.
As I sit, I cannot help but glance back at Sedona often. My eyes are continuously drawn back to her sleeping form as if not of my own volition. I feel this constant need to have eyes on her, to know where she is, and to see for myself that she is whole and safe. It is why I could hardly bring myself to be away from her for more than a few moments.
My mind drags me down as I think about what this will mean for my atan and village. With eight new females, this is still not enough for the number of single males. There will be hysteria when they learn that mate bonds have returned, not to mention that the females do not seem to experience the mate bonds. The elders describe the bond, when it’s felt between two people, as undeniable. It required satisfaction immediately and both parties were happy to satisfy it.
Sedona seems to respond to me instinctually, but it is not with the intensity that mirrors what I feel for her. Instead, it presents as a natural ease around me, and a subtle desire to touch me. I do not know if she realizes she does it, but every chance she has she touches me. She’s asked several times to be carried about to see outside or see the awning. Every time she finds herself on my back, she ends up stroking at the base of my horns or in the middle of my forehead where I know I am soft. There is only one softer place, but I do not imagine she will stroke that any time soon.
Regardless, her actions prove she feels the bond, but not the same, and that creates a problem. I cannot possibly bring her back to the clan before we have completed the bond and I have claimed her. It is too risky otherwise. I cannot chance someone trying to usurp my claim.
I frown and glance back at her again.
No, I will not take her back until I have marked her. When she has taken me as her own and bears my mark with pride, I will bring her and the other females, if they have hatched, back in triumph. Perhaps this will be the thing that finally atones for the sins of my father.
I spend the rest of my time keeping watch thinking about how I must go about winning the heart of my mate. The Great Mother has gifted me her soul in bonding me to her. But only my Sedona can grant me her heart and her body.
When the second sun begins to rise in the sky, I gather additional snow in my water pouch and hang it over the fire so it will be ready for Sedona when she awakens. And then, I lay down and finally allow myself to sleep.
It feels like no time at all before I am waking to the sounds of stirring outside of the crate. I blink my eyes open and sit up when I see Sedona is standing just outside, wrapped in my furs, and looking at the sky with a hand shielding her eyes.