Page 27 of His to Worship
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There turns out to be no ‘almost’ about it. The moment Kuvier realizes what I want, he gives it to me and makes absolutely no comment when I promptly give it to Renata. The conversation with Kuvier about Renata taking his place on today's scavenging trip goes similarly my way. If I were a different woman, the power I seem to hold over this man would go to my head.
“Can you find out where he’s taking me?” Renata asks as she wraps her shoes in furs and ties them together with sinew string.
“Sure.” I drop the pile of furs in my arms by the fire and head out of the crate to where Kuvier and Enikk stand, heads pressed together.
“...vaktu masva khesi toh—” Enikks words cut off the moment they hear me approach and Kuvier is at my side in an instant. I’m disappointed that I don’t catch any words I already know. Though, I did hear that word ‘khesi’ again. I make a mental note to ask Kuvier about that another time.
“Is wrong, Sedona?” Kuvier asks in halted English.
I correct him automatically, “‘Is something wrong, Sedona?’”
We’ve both been great about fixing grammar in each other’s language. I think Kuvier struggles more with ours as there are more filler words than his. In his language, everything is succinct and uses as few words as possible to convey meaning.
I choose to answer him in his language, asking through some effort where Enikk and Renata will go.
“Nuku xiixii.” Trap xiixii. I scramble for a second to remember what a xiixii is, and then an image of a small meerkat like animal pops in my head.
“That’s all.” This I say in English, giving a shrug to convey meaning as well. Kuvier presses a hand to my lower back and I fight to ignore the weight of it through his cloak.
“Go back inside?” He asks it as a question and not a command. I consider, but shake my head.
As much as I won’t admit it to anyone else if they asked, I like being near Kuvier. It’s weird and strange, and despite the fact that I’ve been in love before, the need to be near Kuvier is stronger than anything I’ve felt. But I’m not in love. That would be insane. Regardless, the fact that a goat-lion-man hybrid creature has managed to worm his way into my heart is definitely something I struggle with. But, Kuvier’s sweetness makes it an easier internal fight.
I stay out there with them for a while as they talk and sharpen weapons. It’s not much longer after that when Renata joins us, covered in furs up to her eyes and clutching the scythe like a lifeline.
I let her know the plan, and Enikk and Renata are heading out. Renata seems almost excited as she leaves. She’s clearly more at ease with a large weapon in her hand and the promise that I’ll send Kuvier after her if she isn’t back by the time the second sun sets.
Kuvier and I watch them disappear into the swirling white abyss—the snow hasn’t stopped in days. When they are out of sight, I leave his side and head back into the crate, knowing he’ll follow. He does, and stands watching me as I carefully lay out the furs a few feet from the fire. I place them close enough to feel the warmth but not too close to be overwhelmingly hot.
Stepping back, I eye my handiwork. I’ve maneuvered the furs into a larger, flatter version of the way I spread them to sleep. This’ll do.
With that, I walk over to where Kuvier sits, watching me and chewing at oftii jerky. I stop in front of him and hold out my hand expectantly. He places the jerky in it without issue and I laugh out loud shaking my head. I offer his food back to him and he eats the last bit in one bite looking at me curiously. Trying again, I hold out my hand.
“Come here,” I say in his language. He has told me that many times, so it was not hard to learn.
He places his overly large, furred hand in mine. I guess I could call it a paw? But, it’s not exactly. He has five clawed fingers, and though the palm and fingertips are rough like paw pads, the dexterity is closer to hands. Ignoring my internal debate about his anatomy, I lead him to the sleeping furs.
“Okay, you can sleep now,” I declare, gesturing to the makeshift bed determinedly.
His eyes soften and he glances longingly at the furs, but then he glances back out to the vast expanse of snow in the direction that Enikk and Renata disappeared. He shakes his head softly, refusing my request. He denies me very little, and that makes me frown deeply, thinking carefully about what to do. An idea strikes me, and a preemptive heat crawls up my neck.
But, he needs to sleep and I think the concern he has is not knowing if something happens to me. I know just how to fix that.
Don’t ask why I’m so determined to take care of him. I’ll chalk it up to being a good Samaritan in the face of all he’s done for me, even though part of me knows it’s more than that. Either way, I sit crisscross on the furs, pulling him down next to me. He mimics my sitting position, watching me curiously, his golden eyes dim with exhaustion. I tuck one of the furs in my lap and then pat it.
“Will you sleep now?”
It’s a question this time. His eyes widen as he realizes what I am offering. We have been far less touchy the last few days. That’s my fault, I know. I feel uncomfortable under the watchful eyes of the other two, and I’ve given Kuvier less opportunities and cues to touch me. In a weird way, I’ve almost…missed him, but he’s so respectful of my space that, of course, he didn’t push it.
Kuvier folds himself over, laying his head in my lap hesitantly, trying not to hurt me with his horns. He maneuvers himself until he’s lying on his back, his horns nicely out of the way. His eyes find mine and they peer into me intensely. My breath catches in my throat and the desire for him to kiss me winds through my body with sudden fervor. The sheer force of it takes me by surprise and I disconnect our gaze.
I realize too late that I should’ve made sure I brought my sewing with me, but it’s across the fire and there’s no way I could reach it without waking him up. So, instead, I let myself sit and ponder my thoughts for what feels like a few hours. At first, my thoughts stay on what I need to do next to prepare to wake the others. But, despite my best efforts, it doesn’t take long for those thoughts to circle right back to the male resting his head in my lap.
His eyes are closed and his breathing has evened out as his chest slowly rises and falls. A small smile touches my lips as I stare at him. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps; innocent and oddly vulnerable. His usually fierce expression is softer, making him appear almost boyish. Well, more…kittenish? Either way, it’s sweet and cute and it tugs at me. I reach my hand up, hesitating for only a moment before I begin stroking his head with one finger, gliding across my favorite spot between his horns where I’ve learned he’s ridiculously soft.
It’s strange to think about it, considering everything that’s happened and the long term implications of where we are, but at this moment, I feel truly…happy. I’m willing to admit that part of that is because I won’t let myself actually think about where we are, what this means, and what I’ve lost forever. But, even in the face of denial and running, Kuvier makes me feel safe. If he weren’t here, not only would I likely be dead, considering this environment is entirely unforgiving, but I’d also most definitely have succumbed to the panic that threatens to consume me whenever I think too hard.