Page 171 of Devious Knight

Sure we talk and tell each other what we need to, but I couldn’t talk to her or anyone about this.

Kade’s parents are dead because of me. Given what happened and how it happened, how am I supposed to thing of their deaths as anything but my fault?

I haven’t even spoken to Dad. I can’t. Not yet.

I’m not a coward. I’ve never been one. But I’m using my human pass and choosing to be a coward because I can’t let people know what I did.

I’ll have to tell my father eventually because he’ll want to know why I’m not with Kade anymore. And I won’t be able to lie to him.

After the whole gallery incident, Dad and I made a pact to be honest with each other. I’m aware I’m withholding information right now, but I need more time.

Time to process, time to think, time to accept the consequences of my foolish mistakes.

Maybe then I’ll be able to figure out what to do. Whatever I choose I know I can’t be with Kade.

My heart squeezes when I think of him and the asshole voice in my head reminds me that he’s waiting for me. Waiting for me to forgive myself.

God, I can’t believe I found somebody to love me in such a way.

And I thought he was a monster. It wasn’t him at all. It was me.

Shit. Tears pull at the backs of my eyes, stinging like acid. I can’t believe this is me. The same girl who willed herself not to cry. I’ve broken down so many times in this week I’ve lost count.

At least one of those times was because I was happy. It was Saturday night at the museum when Kade waved his magical wand and granted me my wish to meet Christian Degas and work with him.

That night was my last happy memory. Throughout the week I’ve tried to get myself back on track, but nothing has worked.

I even missed an opportunity to follow Parker and Lana when I saw them sneaking off campus last night. I wasn’t thinking straight and I was completely unprepared because I was missing Kade so much.

A teardrops on to my arm and I realize it’s time to go back to campus. I can’t break down out here. All alone and depressed in a café. No thank you.

I grab my satchel, slink it over my shoulder and stand.

I make my way out of the café into the cold night air and head down the street to find my car. I had to park in the multicomplex.

“Nice bag,” says a tall man who steps out of the shadows. He has an accented voice that sounds like Eastern European. “Can I talk to you?”

He falls in step with me and my heart jumps into my throat. In the moonlight I can see he’s got a snake tattooed across his face.

“No, thanks. I have to go.” I walk a little faster and so does he.

“Where are you going sweet thing?” He flashes me a leery smile that makes my skin crawl. “Can I come with you?”

“Leave me alone please.” Great this is just what I needed.

“Can’t do that. I’m supposed to pick you up.”

“Maybe she’ll go with me, Sid,” says another voice from the shadows with the same kind of accent. A bulky man steps out of the alley just as we’re going past. “Isabelle might not like you.”

I stop midstride, my brain short-circuiting.

He knows my name.

“I’ll bet she’ll like me.” Another man follows and I realize I’m in trouble.

I was in trouble with just the first guy. It’s not like I can take on any of them.

“What do want with me?” I stutter.