Page 7 of Hawk
When Gideon got locked up, I told myself I was going to do better. I needed to work on myself in order to attract the kind of man I was looking for – one who wouldn’t lie to my face. A hard worker. A man who put nothing before his wife and family. A man who wasn’t more concerned with hanging out with his motorcycle club buddies while I stayed home eating dinner alone, hoping that one day, he’d appreciate me.
Finding out I was pregnant right after he caught that charge threw a wrench in those plans. I had life growing inside of me – a life we created – so all of my time went to ensuring that I ate healthy and took my vitamins. I wanted to give my baby the best possible entrance into this world. I didn’t care about anything else for those long, nine months – just my baby girl.
When Lilly arrived a healthy seven pounds, four ounces, it was only then that I felt like I could breathe. She was healthy. She was perfect. She was a happy baby. She’s a year and three months old now, walking and definitely has her father’s personality. And eyes. And nose. She looks just like him with that gorgeous creamy brown skin, resulting from our ethnicities.
She’s my little angel. I thought I was doing her and myself a favor when I met Cash. I was waitressing—my second job—when he caught my eye. Knowing I wasn’t in the market for love, I kept my professionalism intact and provided him with good customer serve. He provided me with a one-hundred-dollar tip on a bill that was only twenty-eight bucks. On the receipt, he wrote his phone number. I called to thank him for his generosity, and what did I do that for? He asked me on a date and we were seeing each other for the better part of eight months.
Things were good with us for a while. He was generous – I never knew what he did for a living because he never told me, but with a name like Cash, I could take several guesses and probably be right. But what did I care? He took me to lavish dinners, bought Lilly clothes and shoes, paid the rent at my apartment and any other bills I asked him to chip in on. He was eager to do anything to help me. Everything was perfect…
Perfect, until he started hitting me. It began with name-calling, pushing and shoving. Then, I was supposedly cheating on him, so he punched me in the face. With that first lick behind him, it was easy all the other times that followed. And I stayed there – a victim – numb to the abuse.
Now, I’m running for my life and my baby’s life to get away from him. Cash knows where I live, so I don’t stay at my apartment anymore. I refuse to worry my parents about this, so I’ve been sleeping in my car with Lilly. If Child Protective Services knew this, I’d lose my daughter, so I kept it quiet.
Now, I can’t anymore. She’s not only my child. She’s Gideon’s, too. Doesn’t he have some obligation to protect her now that he’s able?
I start my silver Elantra while Lilly is still asleep and drive to where I know I’ll find him – his motorcycle clubhouse. I don’t want to go there, but I don’t have any other choice at this point. When I pull up in front of the brick building, I see a gang of motorcycles parked out front. I brace myself for the rowdiness of it all. They stay partying – no one sleeps, it seems, and the environment is definitely not suitable for a one-year-old.
Here goes nothing.
I don’t want to go inside and subject my baby to cigarette smoke, scantily clad women and men who look like they could crush your skull with their bare hands. I’m currently on the run from one of those, and he’s not even in a motorcycle club.
I take a deep breath, turn off the car and look in the backseat at my sleeping beauty – my most prized possession. My Lilly. I can’t let her down – not this time.
“Ah’ight, girl. Do what you have to do for Lilly,” I coach myself.
I get out of the car and open the back door to unstrap Lilly. She’s still sleeping at the moment, and I’m trying to keep it that way. It’s tough carrying around a toddler when they’re asleep. It feels like she’s gained an extra five pounds simply because she’s snoozing. I manage to hold her and my ten-pound purse while I walk to the entrance of this brick building I’ve only ever been to once in my life, and that was when me and Gideon were first dating.
Those were the days.
He was always wild and reckless. I was safe and mature. I wasn’t what you would call innocent, but after a while, the charm of Gideon’s bad boy ways wore off. I wanted something more in a man. Something that felt more stable and like home. I needed a law-abiding gentleman who wouldn’t have me looking over my shoulders, waiting for the po-po’s to show up with allegations of wrongdoing.
But getting back to the matter at hand…
I haven’t stepped a foot inside and this place it’s already intimidating. There’s a sign on the door and a banner on the wall of the building that reads, Sin City Motorcycle Club, with a picture of a skull – the same image that’s on the backs of their leather motorcycle jackets. And what’s even more intimidating than that is, one of the members – I think they call him Wraith – is standing at the entrance with a beer bottle and a cigarette. He’s wearing a red and black checkerboard shirt with the sleeves cut off, showcasing his arm tattoos. He has black studs in his ear. His eyes look menacing like he’s a trouble starter. His beard is so thick, he could hide contraband in it.
As I walk up to the door, he says, “You look a little lost there, sweetheart. This is a members-only club.”
“I know, I just—”
“Then be on your way, darling. This ain’t no place for a lady and a child.”
“Wraith, is it?”
He looks dead at me, blows a puff of smoke in my face and asks, “How you know my name, gul?”
“Wraith, it’s me – Ivy – Gideon’s…I mean, Hawks, ex-wife…well wife.”
“That’s you, Ivy?”
I grin uncomfortably. Now, he recognizes me.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so! Get your tail on up in here.”
He opens the door. I follow him inside. There’s a haze of smoke that makes the smoke he blew in my face look like nothing. I don’t want to inhale, and I definitely don’t want Lilly smelling these toxic fumes. I need to find Gideon and get out of here asap!
The place is packed to the brim. I hear a lot of cheering and hollering.