Page 37 of Blinded By Hate

His eyes then go to my arm where I have my Dexcom.

I know we stopped talking but I still wonder if he ever kept the Dexcom follow app on his phone.

I always had to squash that tiny little piece of hope, wondering if he still cares about me like that or just hates me.

While he admires me I take a good look at him.

He is wearing a suit, black dress shirt, black pants, and a black coat. I have never seen him wear a suit I don’t think.

And he looks damn good in one. To the point where I would want to see those clothes on my bedroom floor.

I look at the chain necklace around his neck and it looks like the same one he would always wear in college. His eyebrow piercing still gets to me because he always looked good with that damn piercing.

My eyes go down to his hands that are by his side. He has one single ring on his finger, more specifically his ring finger.

My stomach churns again for the millionth time this week.

That must be his wedding band. But don’t they do the bands at the ceremony?

I feel his hand on my cheek and he tilts my head up making me look at him. His hand feels warm on my cheek and I want to close my eyes and get lost in the feeling.

This is the first time in five years that Hayden has touched me like this. His hand on my cheek, his chest almost brushing against mine, and his breath so close to hitting my cheek.

I wish I could fall in his arms and be absorbed by him.

It would be so easy to drown in him.

But that little voice in the back of my head always ruins it.

Yea, you’ll drown in him but then eventually you’ll just become suffocated and won’t be able to breathe.

You want that to happen again?

“Hi,” Hayden whispers before looking down at my lips and meeting my eyes again.

“Hi,” I whisper back, not knowing what else to even say or do.

“You’re here,” he says before his lips turn into a small smile, so small you can barely notice it.

“I’m here.”

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you. I missed you.”

I missed you too.

More than you’ll ever know.

“Hayden-”

“Don’t ruin it,” he says, almost begging. “Seeing you at the fight fucked me up. I wanted to do and say so much to you but you looked fucking terrified.”

Because I didn’t expect to actually see you.

I thought the world was tricking me when I saw him in the ring in person that day. I felt like it was all just a dream because it happened so quickly.

But this?

The slow caress on my cheek, the soft breathing coming from both of us, the way he’s looking at me like he is starstruck by me.