Page 33 of Vicious Devotion
It’s a beautiful day, sunny and bright, with a blue sky almost completely devoid of clouds, perfect for the forty-five-minute drive into town. Bella looks out towards the passing scenery for the whole of the trip, never at me, and I can’t help but wonder what she’s thinking. Behind me, I hear Cecelia and Danny exclaim as we pass pastures with horses and sheep, the occasional donkey grazing along with them. They’re not used to seeing this much livestock, only the occasional passing farm in upstate New York, and their excitement is palpable. But Bella is silent, her hands curled in her lap, her gaze fixed on the window as the landscape rolls by.
I park the car near the main plaza. I see a small smile on Bella’s lips as she slides out of the car and looks around, and it lifts my spirits. Her gaze sweeps over what we can see of the town, and I circle around to her, glancing in the same direction.
“It’s a sleepy little place,” I murmur. It’s what would be considered busy today, plenty of people out on the sidewalks and sitting outside at the few cafes, but compared to the bustle of New York, it’s nothing. I know that’s what Bella’s thinking, as Cecelia and Danny slide out of the car and join us.
“In ordinary circumstances—” she lets out a breath, surveying the plaza again. “This would be a nice place to have children. Less scary than New York can be. They could have a lot more freedom.”
The wistful tone of her voice startles me. Bella has never said anything about whether she does or doesn’t want children of her own, only that she doesn’t want to be forced into an arranged marriage by her father, where she’ll be obliged to provide heirs for her husband. Truthfully, I don’t think she knows for sure whether she does or not. But the way she says it only increases that ache that’s settled in my chest, because it makes me think of what it would be like to raise those children with her. For her and I to have a family here, to add to the one that she’s so seamlessly become a part of.
The thought of how that would come about tightens every part of my body, my blood suddenly thrumming with the ever-present desire for her.
“Can we go?” Cecelia asks in a high-pitched, frustrated voice that yanks me abruptly back down to earth. “I’m ready to go shopping.”
Bella turns towards her, that small smile on her lips again. “It’s not going to be anything like shopping in New York,” she confides. “But we’ll still find some fun things. And look how pretty it is.” She gestures outwards with one hand, at the rustic shops with painted shutters and the tall stone church, the cafes with wrought-iron fenced patios, and the cobblestone plaza. “Nothing like what we have back home.”
“I’m ready to explore,” Cecelia declares, tugging on Bella’s hand. Danny stays close to me, and we set off, armed with a list that Agnes gave me this morning of things needed for the house.
“You take them to look for clothes,” I tell Bella, once we’ve stopped into a small coffeeshop for caffeine. “I need to check on one of the suppliers for the estate.” The horses and other livestock we keep have an entire list of needs all to themselves. I want to find out what orders have been placed recently for that part of the operation, and get a better idea of what future buyers need to commit to. I also want to make sure I’m familiar with what suppliers we’re using, so I can do my best to ensure they don’t lose business when the estate changes hands. “I’ll meet you at Pane e Vino.” I gesture towards a pretty cafe across the street, built of rough-edged stone with blue-painted shutters and bright flowers spilling across the edges.
“That sounds fine.” Bella smiles at me, taking Cecelia and Danny by the hands. She hesitates for one second, as if she’s not quite sure what to do before she leaves, and then turns to lead them in the direction of a different cluster of shops.
I would rather go with her. The desire to stick by her side stays with me, as I check in on feed suppliers and the shop where the estate places orders for wood, tools, and the supplies needed to keep the masonry in good repair. My thoughts keep drifting back to her, again and again, and by the time I’ve finished my rounds and start to walk towards the cafe where we’ll meet for lunch, I feel anxious with the need to see her again. I feel certain of my promise that today is safe, but I didn’t realize how little I wanted to let her out of my sight.
When I get to the Pane e Vino, Bella and the children already have a table outside in the sun. I join them, seeing that there are sparkling glasses of water already poured, Bella looks over a menu with Cecelia as she takes a sip from a glass of rosé.
My chest aches all over again. Everything about seeing her there with them is right. It feels right, down to my bones, beyond just the feelings of desire that I have for her. She belongs with us. I know that, as surely as I knew that I was getting in over my head from the first moment I touched her.
I sit down across from Bella, sliding one of the menus in front of me. “Where are all the bags?” I glance around, raising an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me you didn’t find anything.”
“Oh, we found plenty,” Bella says with a laugh. “All three of us got some new clothes. And a few other things, too. I took the bags back to the car while we were waiting on you.”
The ease with which she says it, the familiarity, only increases that ache.
The server, an older woman with dark hair in a tight bun, brings us bread and a dish of olive oil as we look over the menu. Cecelia, ever the more adventurous eater in the family, tries a dish of anchovy spaghetti, while Bella orders a veal bolognese. Danny and I opt to share a pizza, and I order more wine, which Bella sips at. I raise an eyebrow when she pours a second glass, and she shrugs, laughing softly. It makes my heart beat faster, the moment I hear it.
“I’m technically off of work,” she says teasingly. “So I think I’m allowed to have a second glass of wine, right?”
“You can do anything you want,” I tell her, with a sincerity that makes her glance up at me, her expression faltering ever so slightly. But I mean it. I would let her do anything, give her anything, make anything that she wanted happen if I could. I’m gradually realizing, more and more, what Bella means to me. How much further these feelings that I have go, beyond simple physical lust.
I’m afraid to put a name to them. If I had to guess, I’d say that she is, too. But I can’t be sure of anything about what she wants, with how fraught everything is around us.
The conversation turns to their shopping, to a shop full of trinkets that Cecelia took an interest in, and some of the other things they purchased. “We should get the groceries after this, right?” Bella asks. “And then head back?”
“I want gelato,” Cecelia announces. “I saw a shop just across the street.” She gestures, and I glance in the direction that she’s pointing.
“Well, we’ll get the groceries that Agnes put on the list, and then we’ll get gelato right before we go home,” I promise her. That seems to please her, and she turns back to her spaghetti, which I’m astonished that she likes. But I’ve yet to see a food that Cecelia won’t eat—the exact opposite of Danny, who tends to be a picky eater.
The list that Agnes sent with me is long. Some things are grown or otherwise made on the estate—there’s a lush garden for a great deal of vegetables, chickens for eggs, and goats that provide some milk and cheese. But there’s plenty of other things that need to be purchased, and after lunch it takes us a good hour or more in the market to collect everything. Bella and I carry the bags back to the car, tucking them in the back before walking Cecelia and Danny across the street to the gelato shop.
The shop is small and quaint, built of pretty cream-colored stone with a multicolored stone path outside, and black shutters on the windows. Inside, it smells heavily of sugar, and we pause at the back of the line, looking at the menu.
“The chocolate almond sounds good,” Bella murmurs. I can feel the tension wafting off of her, and I have a feeling that it’s the crowd of people inside a small space.
“Wait over by the window,” I say softly, gesturing towards a long granite bar that runs along the back wall, with dark wooden stools next to it. A few people are eating their gelato there, but most are at tables or outside. “I’ll take the kids up to get theirs.”
Bella shoots me a grateful look, retreating back to the spot I pointed out. I take Cecelia and Danny up to the counter, where they both want to try flavor after flavor. “It’s time to pick one,” I tell them both after the fifth or so taste-test, and Cecelia picks the strawberry and sweet cream. Danny, after a few more moments of deliberation, picks the cookie crumble.
As they’re trying to make up their minds, I glance back towards where I left Bella, and my stomach instantly twists as I see that she’s talking to someone—and who it is.