Page 62 of Homesick
Blake stares at me with his eyebrows squished together. A few seconds later, something seems to click in his head as his entire body unravels across from me.
“You didn’t know.”
I stare at Blake with the same confusion in my eyes, begging him to explain more. I can feel a fluttery feeling intensify in my stomach.
“A few days later, I came to your house with the—well the details aren’t important. I came to your place to talk, but before I even set foot on the porch, Emma stopped me. She told me you didn’t want to see me and that I should leave you alone. After that, I knew you needed time. I just didn’t know you’d need six years,” he says with a smile.
Most of my depressive period after the break-up blurred together, but I can clearly remember the day he’s talking about. I clench my hand into a fist and dig my fingernails into my skin. Emma should’ve told me.
It’s almost as if my body can’t decide whether to be upset or sad. I wish Emma would’ve told me the truth, but it’s been six years now. I can’t change the past and getting mad about something that happened so long ago feels pointless.
There is no use in getting angry until I have all the facts. I have spent too long holding a grudge over simple miscommunication. I’m not going to let that happen again.
“Wren,” Blake says, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I’m sorry. I should’ve tried harder to talk to you. I should’ve reached out. I should’ve—please say something, Wren.”
I’m not sure what to say. I’m caught between hurt and reason and I’m not sure which way to turn.
I’m hurt that he felt like he couldn’t talk to me, but I understand why he felt like he was protecting me. I’m not sure where to go from here.
“Why didn’t you try to reach out again?”
Blake leans back in his seat and takes another swig of his beer. I look down and realize the waitress has brought our food sometime during my mini meltdown. I stare at the burger sitting on my plate, but I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.
“I guess I was scared,” he says before pushing away his own plate. “I was scared that you’d be better off without me. Or you’d look at me how you’re looking at me right now. With the same hurt in your eyes from that night.”
I blink, unaware of the frown beginning to take shape on my face. A single tear drips down my cheek, but I refuse to let the rest follow.
“I am hurt, Blake. I’m hurt that you felt like you needed to lie to me. I might’ve stayed, but that wasn’t your decision to make. You used to be the person I told everything to, and I thought you felt the same way about me. I was there for you throughout your mom’s entire treatment, but then you decided that you wanted to push me away. I understand that you felt like you were doing the right thing, but I don’t understand how you could pull away at such a pivotal moment in our relationship. It’s like the moment we endured even a little bit of hardship, you decided I wasn’t worth it and threw me away.”
Blake’s shoulders slump over in his seat and his eyes turn the pale teal color of the sky right before a big storm. He takes a deep breath before he steps up to bat again.
“I know the way I handled things was wrong and I’ve had six years to think about what I might’ve done differently. If I could do it all over again, I’d talk to you about how I was feeling, and we could’ve worked through it together.”
I blink away more tears, keeping my lips pressed together. I’m not sure what to say next. We could spend all night talking about what we’d do differently when we were young, but that doesn’t fix the past.
“I’ll sit here and apologize for hours upon end if that means we can be us again. I meant what I said when I told you Honey Grove hasn’t felt like home without you. You’re my person, Wren.”
My heart sinks at the sight of the man sitting across from me. I haven’t opened my heart to another man these past six years for a reason. I was holding out for him. He’s my person, my home, and no one stood a chance next to Blake Fisher. He’s it for me, but it will take time for us to get back to the way things were. Time we didn’t have.
“Where do we go from here?” I sigh. “Even if I admit I still have feelings for you, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re moving away in less than a month.”
Blake leans back and takes a minute to assess me. I can feel my heart racing in my chest, begging me to let him in.
“Yeah, I know.”
We’re both silent while we eat our food. Every few seconds, I look up and catch Blake’s stare, but both of us are speechless. After years of resenting Blake for ruining us, I’m tempted to fall back into his arms. The truth is, I miss the feeling of being his, but things are more complicated than that.
The ache in my soul seems to grow as I realize he’s just out of reach. I know I can reach out and touch him at this moment, but my touch will be meaningless. Everything I’ve ever wanted is sitting across from me, but in a few weeks that all will change. I feel defeated.
CHAPTER 22
“You can take the bed,” Blake mumbles when we enter the ancient motel room. I swear I see dust rise from the comforter when I plop down on the edge of the bed.
“And where are you going to sleep?”
“I can take the floor. It’ll be fine for one night.”
I roll my eyes and let out a heavy sigh before saying, “that’s ridiculous. We can share the bed. We’re both adults here.”