Page 65 of Homesick
Blake’s eyes float down my body while playing with one corner of the sheet. His mood has shifted from playful to somber, but I’m not worried about what comes next. I feel calm and safe in this moment.
“Did you,” Blake begins but stops himself. “Did you not come home all those years because of me?”
My own face drops at his question. It’s the last thing I’m expecting him to bring up right now. I let out a heavy sigh and yank the sheet up to my chin for protection. I let my eyes drift anywhere but Blake’s face as I let the words tumble out.
“At first, yes. You were my light for so long I forgot how to see in this town without you. Every little thing would remind me of you. There was a time that I couldn’t even go to the farm because every corner was painted with a memory of you.”
I pause to collect my thoughts before continuing.
“But then I started to use it as an excuse. It was hard to picture myself in this town without you, but it was even harder to picture my life without this town. I pushed everyone away just so I could try and figure out what that kind of future looked like. I thought I needed a fresh start, but I just ended up pushing away the people I loved the most. I didn’t really realize that until this summer, though.”
At some point, I had curled my feet into my body, hoping to bring myself comfort. I had relied on myself for comfort for so long, it became second nature to curl up into myself.
Blake is silent for a moment, but then he grabs my tiny frame and pulls me into him. He presses his face into my hair and strokes my arm with tender care.
“I’m so sorry you felt like that, Wren. I hate that I was the cause of your pain for so long,” Blake whispers into my ear. “Can I tell you something?”
I lift my head from my cocoon and connect my eyes with his.
“I haven’t felt like I’ve fit into this town without you, either. Every memory, landmark, and road sign in this town was gray without you in my life. I was starting to worry I was going colorblind.”
I smile at his cheesy joke, and he returns my gesture.
“There was a point when I wanted to start fresh again. I looked for vet programs as far away as possible to try and get you out of my head.” Blake stops for a moment, as if the next part is hard to say. “It’s almost like karma is finally catching up with me.”
“Don’t say that,” I beg and cup his face with my hands.
“It’s true. Right when I get you back, I have to fuck it up all over again. Maybe I can push my program back?—”
“No, you’re not going to do that,” I state as I sit up a little straighter. “We’re going to figure this thing out, but that doesn’t mean you sacrificing your dream.”
Blake looks at me and a warm feeling begins crawling up my chest. His eyes bubbling with a feeling that I forgot for a while. “Thank you.”
“For what?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“For giving me another chance,” he says before leaning down to kiss my forehead. He takes his hand and tilts my chin up before leaning his forehead onto mine. “I’m one hundred percent in and I want you to know that.”
Three little words weave their way into my mind at this moment, but I keep them close to my heart for now. I never stopped loving Blake, even if I was lost for a while. I know how I feel, yet it’s hard to say the one thing that’s been gnawing at my brain. I’m scared those words don’t have the power to make everything okay.
I shake the uneasy thoughts from my mind and save them for another day. I bury myself into his arms and hope those little specks of doubt will go away once we figure things out.
* * *
“How’d everything go,” my brother asks when Blake unlatches the trailer.
Images of Blake’s face between my thighs threaten to reveal a guilty shade of red on my face, but I reel it in when Chris’s eyes graze over me.
“Except for the whole breaking down thing, it was a good trip. We got you this,” he says as he reaches in his pocket for the Big Foot keychain we got my brother. Chris has always been a believer in Big Foot, so it was only natural that we snagged him a souvenir.
“No way! I completely forgot the Big Foot convention was this weekend. Damn, I should’ve gone.”
I chime in and say, “what did the doctor say about your leg?”
“What?” Chris questions, forgetting the fib he told to get Blake and I to go to the auction. “Oh shit. Yeah, he said everything looks great.”
I smile at Chris while shaking my head. Doctor’s appointment my ass.
“Well, it looks like you two are getting along better. I guess twenty-four hours trapped together is all it took,” Chris gleams confidently with his hands on his hips.