Page 68 of Homesick
I clear my throat and take a deep breath. Just get it over with, I tell myself as I juggle all the ways I could begin this talk.
“Blake told me about trying to get me back after we broke up.”
Emma hardly reacts to my words. She simply sits up in her chair and smooths out her shorts before turning to me.
“I figured it would come out eventually. Once you two finally gave into each other.”
“Are you clairvoyant or something?” I question before slumping back in my own chair. I should probably be upset Emma kept this small detail to herself all these years, but I’m not. All I want is to understand why she did what she did.
“No,” she says with a lighthearted laugh. “It was only a matter of time. You kept eye fucking the guy every time he was in the same room as you. And you wouldn’t shut up about him all summer. I felt like we were thirteen again and you would spiral if he breathed in your direction.”
Emma gives me a moment to respond, but I stay quiet.
“I don’t hate Blake, Wren. When I told him to get lost six years ago, I felt like I was watching my own life flash before my eyes. When he pulled that ring box out of his pocket, I was terrified you’d have to put your dreams on hold just like I did when Colt proposed.”
My heart stops. Ring box? My hands fly up to my chest, willing my heart to restart itself. My breathing is , and I feel like my head is a cloud ready to float away at any second.
“Oh, shit. He didn’t tell you about the ring, did he?”
I swallow hard. “Nope.”
Suddenly my mind zips back in time to a few months ago when Blake drove me home from the bar. I thought the ring hanging in his mirror was odd, but it never crossed my mind again after he shoved it in his glovebox. I should’ve known by the way he snapped at me, but it didn’t click.
My life would’ve been so different if Emma wouldn’t have stopped him. I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.
“I hope you can forgive me. I know it wasn’t my place,” she says pulling me out of my epiphany. “I should’ve told you a long time ago, but it seemed like you were really thriving away from Honey Grove. I didn’t want it to suck you back into this small town. But I think I was projecting my own issues onto you because now that you’re back, you seem so much happier.”
“I do forgive you, Emma. I wish you would’ve told me sooner, but I understand why you didn’t,” I respond while looking down at my own finger now. “I think Blake and I are going to give it another try. The only issue is he’s the one leaving Honey Grove now.”
Emma lifts her head, and her eyes brighten when they meet mine. “Tell me everything,” she says as she pats the seat next to her.
I spend the next twenty minutes clueing Emma in about every single detail and she just sits there and listens. She lets me vent about all my insecurities surrounding our relationship and doesn’t interject once. I’m kicking myself for thinking she’d judge me for going back to Blake. She’s my biggest supporter, even when she doesn’t approve of my decision.
“And now he wants to take a semester off so we can spend more time together. It’s just a lot, really fast,” I finish, finally taking a breath.
“What are you going to do?”
I lean back in my chair and take a sip of the wine Emma placed in my hand a few minutes ago. I’m not sure what I want, but I know I’m not ready to leave Honey Grove. So much time has gone by, yet we’re dealing with the same issue we couldn’t get past before.
“I don’t know. I can’t ask him to do that for me, even if it is his idea. It’s not a great way to start off our second shot at this thing.”
“You’re right,” Emma says, leaning forward. “It’s never a good idea to start a relationship with one person giving up something for the other. It’ll just lead to . . . resentment."
My eyes snap to Emma’s as the word resentment drips off her tongue. In a flash, bits and pieces click into place and I slowly realize my relationship is not the only one in danger of falling apart.
“Can we back up for a minute? What do you mean you put your dreams on hold? I thought you decided not to go back to school because you guys wanted to start a family.”
Emma’s eyes drop down to the ring Colt gave her when they were eighteen. I was too busy going through my own shit to ask her how she felt about the whole thing. A few months later, they had a short and sweet courthouse wedding, and I never heard doubt in her voice again. Until this summer.
“That’s true and I thought that’s what I wanted. Milo is the best thing to ever happen to me. But ever since I became a mom, I feel like that’s my whole identity. I love being his mom, but sometimes I wish I’d taken some time to find myself before settling down. Things between Colt and I haven’t been great and there are times when I feel like Milo is all I have,” she admits with a small teardrop spilling from her eye.
I quickly wrap my arm around Emma and let her rest her head on my shoulder.
“Emma, that’s not true. I know I haven’t been the best friend these past few years, but I’m here now. You’ve always been there for me, and I want to be there for you.”
“You’re not mad at me?” Emma says between sniffles.
“No. I wish you would’ve told me all this sooner, but it was for the best. If Blake would’ve proposed, my dumbass would’ve said yes. There are times when I wish things would’ve worked out, but then I realize how much I’ve changed these past six years. I’m not the same girl that fell in love with Blake when we were kids, and neither is he. I truly believe everything happens for a reason and I’m done letting the past take up so much room in my mind.”