Page 7 of Homesick

When I feel a buzzing sensation in my pocket, my mind assumes it’s Blake and he’s changed his mind. But when I look at the screen, I see Emma’s contact photo. I debate on letting it go to voicemail, but I know better. If I don’t answer now, she’ll keep calling.

I clear my throat and wipe the snot from my face before answering, “Hey Em.”

“Wren? Are you okay? It sounds like you’ve been crying.”

And just like that the tears begin to fall again.

“I’m on my way,” she says without any hesitation. She always knows when I need her. Seconds later, my phone falls from my hand and onto the pavement.

* * *

I make direct eye contact with Blake, and my feelings from earlier come back to bite me. All I can think is of course, he’s gotten hotter after all these years.

Now that I have the chance to really look at him, he’s devastatingly handsome. It appears he’s finally gained the ability to grow facial hair because he has the perfect amount of light scruff that makes him look more manly than the boy I once knew. I can’t quite make out the rest of his features in the dim lighting of the bar, but I think if I were any closer, I wouldn’t be able to keep my cool.

Six years ago, I hit a low point in my life because of him. When I moved away for college, I was dead set on making it work with Blake and it was heartbreaking when he didn’t feel the same way.

We had a plan to go to the same school and eventually move back to Honey Grove together. But knowing what I know now, I was naïve for thinking first loves are forever. When he decided he didn’t want me, it made me feel like I couldn’t be loved. Hell, it took me a long time to learn how to love myself again.

I finally break my stare after getting bumped into by some couple drunkenly holding onto each other attempting to dance. I take that as my cue to end this prolonged standoff that no one asked for.

I start walking toward my best friend when Blake is suddenly pulled away by a petite arm connected to a small blonde girl.

A wave of nausea hits me when I see her wrap her arms around him and I feel the crowded room closing in on me. My heart is beating in my ear drums, and I feel my body overheating as my breathing becomes uneven. I turn around and head for the bathroom.

Thankfully there isn’t a line which is rare for a bar crowded with intoxicated humans. I find an empty sink and splash my face with cold water, ignoring the fact that my mascara is probably going to run. I need to calm down before I have a full-on panic attack and become front page news tomorrow morning. I can’t do this here.

I sense someone burst into the bathroom, but I can’t hear anything over my own heartbeat right now. My body is going into shutdown mode.

I look up from the sink and see Emma in the reflection of the dirty mirror. She turns me around and I can read her lips telling me to breathe in and out. I follow her directions and focus on my breathing.

After a few minutes of Emma holding me, I finally get my breathing and heart rate under control. The heat begins to leave my body and I experience a wave of coolness from the fan above us.

“Are you okay?” Emma asks as I snap out of my almost-panic attack. I take a sip of the wine cooler I forgot I was carrying around and feel the relief of something cold sliding down my throat. “Yeah. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know . . . I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s been six years.”

“Wren, this is one of the first times you’ve seen him since you left. Let alone one of the first times you’ve seen him with another girl. It’s completely normal to react like that. You shouldn’t be embarrassed.”

I am embarrassed though. I don’t let guys affect me like that anymore.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

Now that I’m out of my anxiety bubble, I realize I just put on a show for some of the girls in the tiny restroom with us right now. Thankfully, Emma scares them off with her infamous dirty look.

“Do you want to leave? We can head back to my place and just hang out. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he would be here.”

I can’t leave now. If I left, he would know he got to me, and I can’t let him have the upper hand. I have to show him I’ve been doing great these past few years without him.

“A lot has happened today, but I’ll be fine. I need a drink to calm down a little.”

Not a good idea, my subconscious whispers in the back of my head, but my pride stamps it down.

Emma looks reluctant, but she agrees and takes the other wine cooler from me as we exit the bathroom. My eyes scan the crowded room for any sign of my ex-boyfriend. I can’t be ambushed like that again.

* * *

After three more wine coolers, two shots, and one vodka Sprite, I’m feeling warm and tingly all over.

The crowd is working in my favor now as I let loose and dance with Emma in the middle of the bar. We’re perfectly shielded from any irritatingly handsome men with dates that are entirely too perky to compete with.