Page 36 of Mending Mayhem
I checked the inner lining to be sure my knives were there and slipped it on before grabbing the keys and following her downstairs. When we stepped out the back door, I hit the key fob, unlocking the van.
She stopped and put her hand on mine. “I thought we might walk.”
“It’s twenty minutes on foot. Five if we drive.”
She took the keys from my hand and locked the doors. “It’ll give us time to talk.”
My slow exhale heated the back of my throat. Talking wasn’t my thing. Feelings weren’t my thing either, and that was exactly what she wanted me to talk about. I chewed the inside of my cheek and gave her the most insolent side eye I could.
She put the keys in her pocket. “It has to come out or it’ll fester and make you crazy.”
Something inside my chest pinched, and pressure rolled upward, shrinking my throat and threatening to come out as a sob. What the actual eff, Em? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, willing all my insides back to their normal state. It didn’t work.
“We had sex.” My voice was a whisper over the lump in my throat.
“That much I knew.” She laced her arm through mine and guided me to the sidewalk. “I had to cast a silencing spell on your room to give you privacy.” I caught her grin from the corner of my eye.
“Thanks for that.” I stared straight ahead as we strolled down the street, arm in arm. “It won’t happen again.”
She waited a beat for me to elaborate. When I didn’t, she asked, “Did he hurt you?”
“No.” My answer came quickly. He had done the opposite of hurt me.
“Did he force you?”
“Goddess no. I wanted it as bad as he did.” A gust of wind blew my hair in my face, and I tucked it behind my ear. “It was good.”
“And that’s a problem?” she asked.
I blew out a hard breath, trying to find the words to express how I felt. “Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because.” I tugged from her grasp to cross my arms. “I’m running a coven and trying to break a curse so we can mend the veil and stop the fabric of reality from unraveling around us…and I am screwing it up every chance I get. I don’t have time for romance.”
We reached a crosswalk and waited silently for the little red hand to turn into a green walker. When it did, I started to step into the intersection, but Ash stopped me with a hand on my arm.
“You don’t have time, or you don’t deserve it?” She tilted her head, compassion drawing her brows together, and the pinch inside my chest turned into a vise.
My lower lip trembled as I opened my mouth and closed it again. It still trembled, so I caught it between my teeth and held her gaze, unable to speak.
She clutched my shoulders. “You do deserve it, and he would worship you if you would let him in.”
I tried to laugh, but my sob betrayed me. Tears gathered on my lower lids, and when I attempted to blink them back, they spilled down my cheeks. “This is the second time you’ve made me cry in as many days.”
“It feels good to let it out, doesn’t it?” She wiped my cheek with her thumb the same way Mom would do when I’d hurt myself.
Another sob-laugh rolled up from my chest. “Have you always been this smart? You see right through me.”
The light turned, the red hand flashing before going steady, and Ash pushed the button again. “I don’t see through you. I see you.”
I swallowed, nodding my head and willing the lump in my throat to loosen. “What do you see?” Because I sure as hell didn’t know who I was anymore.
“I see a strong, confident, capable woman, who’s also filled with self-doubt.”
“I’m confident I can kick anyone’s ass who crosses me, but that’s about it.” I wiped my tears and shook my hands, trying to get myself together.
“You’re not a people person, and that’s okay. You’re a full-scale introvert who craves solitude.” She shrugged. “We’re all wired differently. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love.”