Page 3 of Temptation: Discreet
“Explain why you left this house without permission and protection,” he asked, his voice devoid of emotion. My stomach sinks into the deepest pits of the darkest ocean. I tear my eyes away from my father, trying to hide from the way he glares at me like I’m a burden, like I’m nothing.
I swallow the knot in my throat as I glance at each of my brothers. Marcelo stares down at the center of the table. He sits to my right and is second in command since he is the oldest son. Out of all three of my brothers, he is the one who looks the most like our father. His long, wavy black hair is slicked back, and his tattooed hands remain on the coffee mug in front of him, letting the click of the rings against the ceramic cover the silence that invades the space around us.
Julian sits on my left side and is the only one actually looking in my direction. His hair is short and straight, much similar to my own. He grips the back of his tattooed neck with one hand, frowning at my silence. He's the only one that sees me, even though that is a rare occurrence, and the only one who cares remotely about what happens to me. Julian is my best friend and brother wrapped into one, but he also has the role of the enforcer. He takes joy in watching the suffering of those who want to hurt us, yet he remains silent when it comes to my father.
Rafael sits alongside Julian, but he just looks strung out like he’s hung over, still drunk or high, just waiting impatiently to return to what he does best. He has the curliest hair of us all, and if you look close enough to see, his dark eyes hide all the pain and secrets of the cartel operation. He’s the only one that could care less about what happens at this table.
“I…” I say silently, unable to find the rest of my words.
I can feel fathers stare full with hatred like I’m just the burden that resides in his home, the one who is of no use to him in this life. I can’t even apologize. I had never snuck out before but I had made a friend, my first true friend, at the Serpents Boxing Club. Sierra had invited me to go out for her birthday a few months back to celebrate at some night club called, The Diamond. I hadn’t been more excited to have a friend and an actual invitation. I hadn’t so much as mentioned it to my brothers because I knew it would go nowhere, so I planned my first ever escape which turned into one of the best nights of my life. I wasn’t the daughter of Don Alejandro at that time; I was just Catalina, just me.
I open my mouth once more, willing myself to say something, anything to make this better. My father’s hand flies up, stopping me from proceeding any further. He slams his hands down on the table causing the items to shake and the noise to ricochet around the room. I flinch at the impact, the sound bringing me back to the night that haunts me.
“I don’t want your excuses, Catalina. You know better than to sneak off without protection or permission!” His thick Spanish accent comes out with each word as he yells. He’s never been physically violent towards me, at least not yet, only emotionally. I’ve always been the shadow, a ghost in this family, since our mother was killed father has treated me differently than before. The war that he started with the Columbians caused a butterfly effect of events that snuffed out the only light in my family. They put us in a dark hole for years. My father became cold, detached and ruthless the moment she left us.
1“No tienes nada que decir?” He seethed, his anger rising at my lack of response.
2“Perdoname,” I stutter, hating how my voice comes out shaky like he can tell I fear his disappointment. His rejection is all that he’s given me since mothers death. He puts me in a cage expecting me to sit there like a bird with clipped wings, so that I can’t even try to fly away, when all I want is to spread those damn wings and fly higher and higher to the point where it would be near impossible to catch me.
Father shakes his head, not allowing me to finish the empty promises that I had at the tip of my tongue. “You will hire a bodyguard to watch her, and she is not to leave unprotected. I allowed her to finish school because that is what your Mama would have wanted. I’ll be damned if she puts herself in any more danger before she marries. 3Entendiste?” His eyes are on Marcelo, before he returns his glare back at me. My breath quickens as a cynical smile twists on his lips.
“Marries?” I hesitate; the question rolls off my tongue before I have a chance to stop myself. My mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out. I want to scream and demand that he take the decision back, but I know that I can’t.
“Si, mija. You’ll marry Ricardo’s son. We will merge our families to the Columbians. We will continue to provide them with their guns, and they shall continue to provide us with their cocaine. Everyone wins,” he says, completely unfazed.
I can feel my face paling, and my body growing weak. I have to bite my bottom lip to stop the tremble I feel as the knot in my throat continues to grow. Glancing around at my brothers, I wait, hoping that one of them will speak up.
No one does.
I’m invisible all over again.
“Julian, call up Ry. See what he can do about a new security team for Lina. Make sure we can get them started as soon as possible.” Marcelo says blandly. Julian nods, excusing himself from the table before disappearing. Father watches with pride as Marcelo takes charge. Jealousy surges through me making me wish I had been born a man so I could be seen, so I could be someone that makes my father proud, so that I could have my freedom.
“I will be returning to Mexico once you’ve hired the new security. And Marcelo, you must arrange a sit down with the Columbians here in the states to help arrange the marriage for Catalina. Ricardo has already agreed. His son, Eduardo, lives in Vegas. Take the trip to meet with him.”
“Yes, Father,” he nods.
When my father turns and walks towards the door, his guards move from the entryway to his side as he strides out of the house. Rafa exhales with a chuckle before he takes a joint from underneath the table and lights it. The skunky smell of marijuana fills the space, making me wish I could indulge in his vices to forget the reality of my existence.
“Don’t let father catch you smoking that in here,” Marcelo says before turning towards me. “Hermana, I’m sorry. I’ll make sure Eduardo treats you with respect.”
I can feel the tears form in my eyes the more I try to hold them back. I hate crying. I hate feeling weak when I know I’m stronger than what they give me credit for. Finding out I’ll be sold, that I’ll lose more than just my family, even more of my freedom, the choice to fall in love… is a lot for one person to bear in such a short amount of time. Every bit of hope that one day I’ll be worthy of a love that will shake the world, just like my mother wanted, dissipates.
Rafa extends his hand with the white rolled up joint in his fingers towards me, silently handing it over. I take it between my digits, taking a long drag of the weed holding it in as long as I can before exhaling the smoke that currently burns my throat. It’s not the first time I’ve smoked, but it’s always Rafa that gives me the courtesy of numbing my pain with drugs or liquor. I rarely humor him by accepting but tonight, right now… it feels warranted. Marcelo shakes his head, leaving Rafa and I, silently drowning in the murkiness of our thoughts.
Hours later, I stand outside on my patio with a fresh pack of Newport’s in my hand, packing them against the palm of my other hand. Cigarettes call to me the way a glass of tequila would if I were near one. It’s been my vice since I was in high school surrounded by people that were too scared to come near me. The isolation I felt at home ended up being complete isolation at school too, the guys feared to even come near me and the girls hated me for being the forbidden fruit everyone wanted a taste of. They were all cowards, spreading rumors and lies throughout the four years of that miserable place. I’m not sure why I’m surprised at the outcome of high school. College was supposed to be my fresh start, but either Marcelo or Julian would show up on campus to walk me from class to class. Never leaving me alone.
A slight breeze causes a shiver to go down my spine. The stars are nowhere to be seen tonight, but the moon shines bright. Leaning over the balcony, I let the wind flow through my hair as I place a cigarette gently between my lips and light it. The taste of tobacco fills my mouth, leaving behind a hint of menthol on my lips. As I inhale, the slight high burns my throat.
I keep my eyes on our backyard and watch how the moonlight reflects off the pool water, illuminating the yard just a little brighter. The grass has the freshly cut smell that mixes in with the smell of tobacco with each exhale.
Movement catches my attention by the tree line in our yard, and I swear I just saw a shadow moving in the distance. I shake my head at the thought. We are the only house on top of the hill along with a security team in place in a gated community with a good distance away from nosy neighbors. Not that anyone would be stupid enough to come around here anyways. My family name is well enough known within the community that they know stepping on our property means death.
I pull out my phone from the back pocket of my jeans, and pull up the messages to my best friend, hoping that she could pull me away from the horror of tonight’s conversation.
Me: Is there a way for me to just run away?
Sierra: I mean, we can try but I'm sure your family would search the world for you and kill me in the process.