Page 8 of Jonathon, After All
“I see…” Jonathon had replied, agreeing in the moment.
But they all would have been better off if Leo and Sabine had been hiding an affair. Like the tutor, the entire trajectory of Jonathon’s life could have been different if both he and Leo had better distractions while at Schönbühel.
Jonathon had stopped looking for Leo’s name in headlines and articles after Austria’s mysterious new margrave was rumored to be courting a famous Austrian model and philanthropist. He’d told himself that looking and knowing would only make it hurt worse. Then, Jonathon set out to get his revenge by rubbing it all—their lost love, Leo’s betrayal, Jonathon’s heartbreak—in Leo’s face.
Somehow, Leo hadn’t noticed or he hadn’t cared and Jonathon was realizing that he’d been suffering in silence, for all his antics were worth. Leo believed they could greet each other like friends, unaware of the massive crater he’d left in Jonathon’s life. That had been worse than a slap in the face or being laughed at. It meant that Leo believed himself forgiven and Jonathon had been forgotten.
He felt even more defeated and lost as he silently scaled the fire escape with a large duffle bag on his back and tiptoed into Milo Ashby’s room from the balcony. He’d known that their secret affair would come out at some point. He would have eventually snapped, Muriel would have finally found a clue and put the pieces together, or he’d cross paths with Leo and drama would ensue. Jonathon had planned glorious speeches—only to choke—but he had never thought about what happened after the truth came out and he was finally free.
His old life was over. There was no longer any point in living an extravagant lie for likes online and to get Leo’s attention. Muriel would probably forgive Jonathon in time but she would never try to marry him off again. No man worthy of her notice would want Jonathon after he’d proven that he was not only shallow and brainless, but also volatile and given to dramatic outbursts in public.
I could try being myself again and see what he’s like these days.
Jonathon had already traded his tacky flesh-colored suit for a simple white T-shirt and jeans, relieved to leave that part of the past behind. With the weight of Leo’s lies and his disappointment no longer weighing him down, Jonathon found a pair of scissors in Milo’s desk and went to the bathroom to finally cut ties with the thing he loathed the most: his hair.
It was an unanswered cry for help and every inch had left Jonathon feeling more and more helpless. Worth less and less as the years passed and Leo lived happily ever after as the perfect margrave and eco hero.
“You better have been perfect and it better have been worth it,” Jonathon said to the mirror, grabbing hold of his ponytail.
He glared at it as he hacked through the thick bundle and tossed it at the wastebasket. “Ha!” Already feeling empowered and triumphant, Jonathon shook out the choppy bob and tilted his head from side to side, assessing. “I think I see him,” he murmured to himself, recalling that he liked his hair longer on top so he could hide his eyes.
Jonathon hadn’t kept track to see if Leo had saved all the things he’d set out to save or if his transition to Margrave of Hessen had been a success. Jonathon didn’t want to hate the world for keeping them apart and Austria for getting Leo. It would only have made Jonathon feel even more insignificant and foolish for believing he had a chance. Who was he, compared to the fate of the world and all the power that came along with being a prince?
“I might be nothing, Leo, but I’m done being your clown.”
With that, Jonathon went to work, hoping to find a fresh start with a new haircut.
Four
Twenty-four hours after the gala and there was still no sign of Jonathon. Leo was at his wits’ end. He hadn’t slept and had spent the hours after Jonathan fled pacing in front of the windows in his suite, waiting for news.
“What do you mean, you can’t find him?”
Markus’s head hung as he delivered his report. “We’ve heard that he left his phone and a note for his aunt. She believes he snuck into the building some time during the night but we don’t know how long he was there, what he did, or what he took with him when he left, but I’m working on it.”
“She believes?” Leo advanced on Markus. “Did you ask her why or how Jonathon could have snuck in?”
“No, sir.” Markus shook his head. “Ms. Hormsby has refused to cooperate until she’s talked to Mr. Hawthorne, but the housekeeper, Tilly Weston, mentioned the letter and the phone to one of the doormen.”
“Really?” Leo’s head pulled back and he blinked at Markus. “I seem to remember Ms. Hormsby as being a strident and obtuse woman. Silly, even. But I assumed she would be more accommodating, given her connection to my grandfather and our history.”
“She says that her loyalty to her nephew comes first and that she cannot believe he would do such a thing without a very good reason.”
“I…” Leo paused, surprised to find that he agreed with Muriel. “I undoubtedly owe Mr. Hawthorne a lengthy apology. Security cameras?” he asked hopefully but Markus grimaced.
“I’m working on it but I don’t anticipate that I’ll have much luck without a warrant.”
“Scheiße!” Leo clutched his forehead as another ache blossomed inside his skull. “I can’t use my title in Austria but I can get anything I want there. Here, all I have is my title and it’s practically worthless. I’m going to have to talk to Muriel Hormsby.”
“You need to rest. You haven’t stopped moving since we got off the plane. It’s been days since you slept,” Markus urged gently, but Leo threw up a hand.
“How can I sleep? I’ve spent the last decade believing I did what was best for Jonathon and that he was happy. Clearly, I was wrong and he’s been hurting this whole time. I can’t rest until I fix this.”
“I beg your pardon, sir, but what if this isn’t something you can fix? What if Mr. Hawthorne is simply being…irrational? There have been other incidents.”
“No. You don’t know him,” Leo said, shaking his head. “Jonathon Hawthorne is one of the most gifted and intelligent men I have ever known. He could be…sensitive and stubborn, but I would never describe him as irrational.”
Leo hadn’t needed a security team until after he left Schönbühel and had formally taken over duties as Margrave. Unlike Max, who had been a quiet, stable presence and generally approved of until his divorce and the public learned of his homosexuality, Leo had been a controversial Margrave from the very beginning.