Page 42 of Once Upon a Star

“I’m more so now than I was when we first met. You have to agree on that.”

“You were fourteen. You probably didn’t even know what the word meant.”

“No. I probably didn’t.” I laughed and it felt good to laugh with Ara. It felt good to really be telling her everything that had happened and for her to be there listening to me. “You still showed me what it was. When I went back to California, I was suddenly getting call backs. I landed my first commercial. Mom, of course, took all the credit, and I let her. It took me a while to see that I had been different; I had changed and it was because of you.”

“That isn’t true,” Ara said and blushed.

“It was. I made more friends at school. I was happier. Things were looking up but all I could think about was going back to camp and seeing you. Mom didn’t want me to go and it turned into a fight between my parents. Mom wanted me to go to a Shakespeare camp. Dad wanted me to have a normal life; he didn’t want it to be all about acting and being a star. In the end, he won, as much because I wanted to go back. The main reason I did was because I wanted to see you again.”

“And we had a few pretty amazing summers,” Ara said.

“That we did. Until my career took off, everything changed, and I screwed it all up.”

Ara leaned back and waited for me to continue. I almost smiled that she didn’t try to reassure me that I hadn’t screwed things up. I had.

“It was incredible, exhilarating to be on a movie set. It was everything that I thought it was going to be. It was fun, busy, and so exciting. I took the time to walk around, talk to people, and learn the craft. Mom was on set and followed me around a lot but she soon got bored and left me alone. Which was great. I was starting to see she cared about my career and what it would do for her as much as for me.

“I thought I had gotten some freedom but it was short-lived. Soon after filming started, they hired a companion for me. And not what you might be thinking. It was almost a guardian or someone who watched over me. They made sure I got to set on time. They watched what I ate, they kept control over my phone and social media, they told me where to go and pretty much what to do.”

“That doesn’t seem fair.”

“I was a punk teenager who was part of a major movie. They didn’t want me to do something stupid and screw the production up. I get it now. At the time, I hated it.”

“They prevented you from contacting people?” Ara asked.

“Not completely. I called you when I could; between the schedule, filming, fittings, school, and my family, there wasn't much time for anything else. I wanted to go to prom with you. I had planned on it and even tried to talk to the director to make sure my schedule would allow it. He was really cool about it and understood why I wanted to go.”

“So why didn’t you? What happened? Why did you say you were scared to go if you hadn’t been able to go?”

“It didn’t seem fair to blame someone else for my problems. Maybe they caught wind that I was scared, or they were trying to protect my career or me. I’m not sure. I think Mom stepped in because suddenly, Eric, my companion, said I couldn’t go. I suddenly had all these appearances I had to do for the movie. It didn’t leave any time for me to go to prom or well, anything.”

Ara looked away from me and I wondered if she was remembering that time. I was sure she would have seen me doing interviews, looking like I was having the time of my life, when she thought I should have been at a dance with her.

Reaching over, I took her hands in mine. “I should have called you. I should have explained it to you. But they kept me so busy. There wasn’t time and when I finally could, too much time had passed and I felt like you needed more than just a phone call.”

“I would have appreciated the call,” she said.

“Yeah. I see that now. I thought you wanted more, you deserved more than another one of my apologies. I thought I would still have time with you, that I could make it right. I stupidly thought that you wouldn’t have moved on and found someone else.”

“What are you talking about, someone else?” She moved away from me.

“I turned eighteen right after the film came out. My obligations were done and my companion was no longer needed. I was free. My parents were in a trial separation and I was so angry at them that I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. All I wanted to do was go to you, to talk to you, and tell you everything.

“I had this huge plan figured out. I was going to go to your school. I wanted everyone to know that you were my girlfriend, and I figured you would have liked that grand gesture. I was growing in popularity and thought it would boost yours as well.”

“It would have. No one believed that I knew you,” Ara said.

“I’m sorry about that. That never should have happened.”

“So, what did?” Ara asked, telling me to continue with the story.

“I showed up at your school. I had flowers, the apology planned out in my head. I had wanted to take you to see the movie. I wanted to be there with you when you watched it for the first time. I wanted to tell you my plans and see if you wanted to be a part of it.”

“What were those plans?” Ara asked.

“I thought about going to school at NYU. You were hoping to go there and if you had gotten in, I wanted to as well. The acceptance rate was low but I thought I might have an in. I didn’t care. I just wanted to be with you. I wanted to continue with my career but I wanted to do it with you next to me.”

“So why didn’t you tell me any of this? Why didn’t you show up? What happened?”