Page 39 of Malevolent Hearts
Éanna’s attention stays on Rohan, tears dancing down her cheeks. “I taught my daughter how to run when things get tough, to hide away from the monsters under her bed. But you…” Her eyes find my mother again, and her hand sweeps through the air, gesturing towards me. “You taught yours how to slay dragons. If anyone is at fault here, it’s me.”
My mother wraps her arms around her friend, drawing her into her chest and embracing her. Together, they lean on each other as the consequence of their pasts and presents collide.
Feeling like an intruder, I inch towards Rohan, where he’s perched on the last step of the stairs, elbows resting on his knees with his head in his hands. When he hears me approach, he lifts his gaze. “She keeps pushing me away. How the fuck am I supposed to be there for her when she won’t let me near her?”
I place my hand on his shoulder. “Let me talk to her.”
He nods, and I acknowledge him with a tip of my chin before making my way up the stairs.
Once I reach the top, I halt outside Saoirse’s room. Drawing a deep breath through my nose, I raise my hand and tap my knuckles against the hardwood.
I’m met with silence, so I try the handle, and thankfully, the door opens. I find her standing by the window, her silhouette outlined against the sunset filtering through the glass.
“Saoirse, you can’t keep pushing Rohan away,” I implore, my voice tinged with urgency. “We need each other now more than ever.”
She turns to face me, tears glistening in her eyes. “I know. But every time I look at him, the guilt… It’s suffocating me,” she whispers, her voice cracking with emotion. “How can I keep living my life like nothing happened when half of my heart is gone?” The raw honesty in her words strikes a chord deep within me, a shared burden of grief and remorse that binds us together. “I love Rohan, but right now, I can’t give him what he needs because I’m barely fucking breathing.”
Suddenly, I’m struggling to carry the weight of all the hollow hearts in this cabin, especially when my own is struggling to beat. Ignoring the ache in my chest, I make my way across the room and pull Saoirse into my arms. “Shutting Rohan out won’t bring Liam back. Nothing will. But I promise you, I have a list of names involved, and I won’t stop until each one is crossed off my list.”
I can’t change the past, but I can control how I react to it. Time to dethrone the current kings, once and for all.
Twenty-Two
Cadden
The Past
And now, in the halls of my heart, she does reign A queen of beauty, a princess of pain For love, like a rose, has its thorns and its grace And in her embrace, I find my soul’s place.
—Cadden James Connelly
As I lead Beibhinn up the winding staircase of my lighthouse, anticipation swirls in the pit of my stomach. The air around us is thick with the scent of salt and sea, creating a backdrop to the moment I’ve spent the last few days meticulously planning.
Over my shoulder, I steal a glance at Beibhinn, loving how her icy eyes reflect against the flickering light of the candles I have strategically placed along the edge of the spiral staircase that circles the lower floors of my lighthouse.
She’s quiet tonight, and her lips are curled into a sweet shy smile. Although I love seeing this side of Beibhinn—the reserved, uncertain teenager—it is foreign to me. Deep down, it makes me miss the snarky tilt to her mouth that’s normally there. I’ve become accustomed to her bite of sass, so seeing her nervous is a little unsettling because it makes her harder to read.
With every step, my heart picks up pace, terrified of the thoughts racing around her head. At the beginning of the summer, I never would’ve thought I’d be so far gone for the girl with the bad attitude. But now I can’t imagine my life without her in it. Knowing she’s heading back to Killybegs tomorrow makes me feel things I never thought I’d feel, which is why I’ve decided to make the most of every moment we have left.
Once we reach the top of the concrete stairs, the library finally comes into view. The glow of a million fairy lights surrounds the space, illuminating the room in a romantic glow. Looking at the open space now, there’s a possibility I went a little overboard. I hold my breath and wait for her reaction. When she says nothing, I chance a peek over my shoulder.
Her wide blue eyes capture all my attention until, finally, she expresses her thoughts aloud. “Oh, wow. This is gorgeous.” Her gaze flickers around the space, taking in every square inch. “When did you do all this?”
I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to let on that it took me all day to set this up. Especially when it’s not our final destination.
“There’s more,” I tell her as I take her hand in mine and guide her across the room towards the ladder that leads to the space I’ve turned into my second bedroom. “After you.”
“Wait!” Her eyes narrow. “We’re not staying here?” Confusion weighs down her brows. “What are you hiding, Beast?”
“Trust me?” It’s supposed to be a statement, but it barrels past my lips with an edge of uncertainty that poses it as a question. As my hold tightens on her hand, my gaze lock on hers and I try again. “Trust me.”
Over the last few months, I’ve learned so much about the girl I’m destined to marry. Trust is not a gift she gives freely. It comes with a price and can only be obtained by earning it. So I wait patiently until she offers me a slight dip of her chin.
She drops my hand, releasing a breath. Then, she steps forward and places the sole of her Doc Marten on the first rung of the ladder. Finally, she whips her gaze over her shoulder. “Don’t make me regret this.”
Some moments are pivotal, even the smallest glimpses in time can change the course of a life. Silly as it sounds, I know I will never forget this one or the cautious look in Beibhinn’s eyes as she hands me the first piece of her heart and silently asks me not to break it.
Reassuring her, I offer her a sweet smile. “Never ever after.”