Page 4 of Malevolent Hearts

“So, you knew I was listening?”

His tongue sweeps out, wetting his lower lip. “What do you want me to say?” He pauses, but I don’t fill the silence. Instead, I give him sufficient time to explain only to be sorely disappointed when he feeds me nothing but bullshit. “Do you want me to tell you I knew you were awake because I could feel your awareness clawing at my skin? Or would you rather me say I crossed the room and sat down next to you because I’m drawn by some invisible magnet that has tethered me to you since I was sixteen years old?”

My jaw tightens, hating how he’s concealing the elephant in the room behind the veil of pretty prose.

I swallow the fury and narrow my eyes. “Keep your poetic shit to yourself. I have no interest in hearing it.”

“Then what is it you want?”

“I want two things.” I tug on the ropes keeping me confined to the bed and use the leverage to prop myself on the pillows. “Actually, make that three.”

He straightens his shoulders, keeping his steady gaze locked on mine. “Let’s start with the first.”

“Tell me about last night,” I answer. “Did you know about the explosion? Is that why you insisted we leave when we did? Because I swear to you, if any of my family or friends were hurt and you knew about it, I’ll gut you alive.”

“I don’t doubt it, Mal.” He doesn’t flinch, not that I thought he would. If there is one thing I know about Cadden, it’s that his poker face is unmatched. I suppose that’s what happens when you spend your life wearing a mask. Finally, his shoulders rise on an inhale before dropping with a heady release. “I had nothing to do with that explosion, Beibhinn.”

“Then why the fuck did you drug me?”

“Because I was protecting you.” His tone is so matter of fact, forgoing any remorse for his actions. “We both know you would have gone back to Kill Castle, and I couldn’t let you do that.”

“Why not?”

“Next question.”

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” I bark. “Let me guess… you make a habit of carrying sedatives in your pocket, just in case.”

His shrug of indifference pisses me off. “What do you want me to say?”

“How about you tell me why you didn’t want me there? If you didn’t know about the explosion, then why the fuck were you so hell-bent on driving me away from the scene?” The questions barrel past my lips, one after the other. My need for the truth has panic settling beneath my skin. He might seem unaffected, but there’s a shadow of guilt reflecting in his dual-toned eyes. Somewhere behind the stoic tilt of his lips is the boy I gave my heart to… what’s changed?

Once again, I’m overcome by the memory of the phone call I shared with my brother. Liam assured me they were heading home. He was on his way to the car while we were speaking. I recall him mentioning how Rohan and Saoirse were meeting him there. But what about the others… my mam and dad. Aodhán.

My heart picks up pace as I silently pray everyone was out of there before anything happened. Unable to contain my emotion, it ripples from my mouth. “Say something!” I scream, needing to release the anxiety clenching my chest.

“You want me to confirm that everyone you love is safe? You want me to say the reason I took you was because I couldn’t stand the thought of you putting yourself in danger? How about I tell you that I love you too much to let anything happen to you? Is that enough, Bev? Will it ever be enough?”

“I want the fucking truth.” A tear slips from my eye, dampening my cheek as I thrash against the restraints, willing them to loosen.

“I can’t give you that.” Cadden pushes from the chair and turns towards the hatch door that leads down to his lighthouse library. Under his breath, he mutters, “You’re not ready to hear it.”

I slump back against the bed, the fight leaving my body as unwanted tears continue to fall. “Then tell me a lie.” My desperation drips off every syllable as I beg the boy I once loved to put me out of my misery.

Just when I think he’s done with our conversation, his spine straightens and he throws a glance over his shoulder. There is a glimmer of defeat shining in his dual-toned stare. Then, with three little words, he shatters any hope I had left. “I already have.”

I should have known better. The version of him I’m trying to reach no longer exists. He’s not the sixteen-year-old boy I gave my heart to, and if I’m being honest, I’m not the same girl I was back then either.

Whoever said people don’t change, was full of shite. Because one thing’s for sure… we have.

Three

Cadden

The Past

Through the eyes of a damaged soul,

hollow hearts can’t beat whole;