Page 61 of Tempting Devil

No wonder he seemed like he wanted to murder Liam when he showed up at the hospital after the attack. It was a miracle he didn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to stomach being in the same room as someone who’d betrayed me like that, causing me to suffer unimaginable horrors.

Gideon may not have gone into detail about what he’d endured, but he didn’t have to. I saw the scars that marred his body from years of having to fight for his life —literally —so that a bunch of depraved assholes could profit off him.

The idea made my stomach churn once more, and I rushed into the bathroom, where I dry heaved until there was nothing left inside except bitter resentment and raw hatred.

I splashed cold water onto my face, trying to wash away this awful feeling. Deep circles framed my eyes, a physical manifestation of the turmoil within.

The weight of everything was too much. I needed to get out of here. Clear my mind. Find some sort of peace in a world that was spinning more and more out of control with every second.

I rinsed out my mouth and headed back into my bedroom, changing into a bikini before slipping into my wetsuit. After tossing a towel and a change of clothes into my bag, I slid on my flip-flops and continued downstairs, grabbing Gertie, my surfboard, on the way.

As I walked the short distance from my townhouse and toward the beach, awareness prickled my nape. It wasn’t the same as when I knew Gideon was watching me. This was more chilling, making me feel like a standing target.

I glanced around, looking for something out of the ordinary. But I didn’t see anything. No one lurking in the shadows. No suspicious cars. Just a quiet neighborhood in the predawn hours.

Trying to find comfort in Gideon’s assurances that he’d made sure Liam couldn’t hurt me, I continued down the sandy path, coming to an abrupt stop by The Daily Grind when my gaze fell on a familiar figure sitting at his usual table.

I hadn’t seen Gideon since our hike together on Monday. It was Wednesday.

But that hike felt like a lifetime ago now.

Hell, our night together before that seemed like a lifetime ago.

I was a different person back then.

I still thought Samuel was dead. Thought Gideon could be my future. Thought Liam had my best interests at heart, despite our disagreements.

How quickly that all changed.

Now that I knew the truth, I couldn’t help but see parts of Samuel in Gideon as we silently stared at each other. Like the way he sipped his coffee. Or the way the corner of his mouth always seemed to twist up on one side whenever he saw me. Or the way the vein in his forehead throbbed whenever he tried to decipher a particularly hard crossword clue.

These reminders of the man I loved simultaneously broke my heart yet filled it with hope at the same time.

Without either of us saying a word, I turned from him and headed toward the shore. The early morning light painted the ocean in shades of pink and orange, casting a serene glow on the waves. After dropping my bag on the sand, I attached the tether to my ankle, then set my board on the water and paddled out.

Even though I tried to brace myself for the chilly temperatures of the west coast waters, it still sent a shock through my body as I plunged in.

Regardless, the frigid ocean revitalized me. Reminded me I was alive.

Once I paddled to just past where the waves broke, I pushed myself into a sitting position, my legs dangling on either side of the board. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and let myself sway with the gentle rhythm of the ocean. There was something so soothing about disconnecting from reality and surrendering to the movements of the unforgiving sea, allowing it to guide me wherever it pleased. I couldn’t control it. All I could do was adapt.

Sort of like this situation with Gideon.

No matter how much I wished I could change what had transpired, it was impossible. All I could do was go with the flow, make the best decision for me based on my current circumstances. Not what I wished could be.

I opened my eyes and let my gaze wander toward the shoreline, drawn to the lone figure sitting outside of The Daily Grind. Despite the lies, despite the deception, despite the betrayal, I felt comfort with the knowledge that Gideon was watching me.

Shouldn’t that count for something?

Shouldn’t that count for everything?

Shifting my attention away from him and back to the horizon, I saw a wave building in the distance. The timing seemed perfect as it steadily approached. Flattening my stomach against the board, I began paddling and hoisted myself onto my feet when it crested beneath me, a grin tugging on my lips as I moved with the swells.

After the past few days, I didn’t think anything could make me smile, but something about surfing had always helped center me.

During those few moments of utter terror and absolute bliss as I rode a wave into shore, I didn’t think of anything else. Not about Gideon. Or Samuel. Or Liam. It was just me, my board, and the ocean.

Which was why, once I reached the sand, I grabbed my board and paddled out yet again, savoring in the invigorating sensation of the salty water on my face and the cool breeze ruffling through my hair.