Page 87 of Tempting Devil

But I wasn’t.

I was hurt.

Confused.

And a myriad of other emotions I couldn’t even begin to make sense of.

“Did I ever tell you my parents’ story?” she finally asked, moving back to the couch and sitting down.

I joined her. “No.”

“They knew each other when they were kids,” she began. “But when my mom was six, she and her parents were in a car accident. My dad thought she’d died. Turns out, my grandfather purposefully hid her away. So when she and my dad crossed paths again as adults and he realized she was the same girl he thought was dead, he was shocked. Even so, he hid the truth about who they were to each other.”

“Why?”

“To protect her,” Melanie explained. “He figured his father must have had a damn good reason to hide her away and tell him she was dead. And I think the same could be said for Sam. He has a lot of reasons he didn’t want to tell you the truth, some more selfish than others. But I also believe your safety has always been his top priority. Hell, the man snapped some fucker’s neck to save your life. You may think that the man you’ve been spending time with is nothing like the old Sam, but he’s still a good person, even if he is a bit…morally gray.” She paused, narrowing her gaze on me. “He’s not like your sperm donor.”

“But he’s taken lives,” I said softly, renewing my argument. Clinging to it like it was the last lifeboat on the Titanic.

“You knew that before you ever slept with him. You saw him kill a man with his bare hands.”

“That was different,” I argued, albeit rather unconvincingly.

“Are you upset because he’s done bad things?” She gave me a knowing look. “Or because it doesn’t bother you like you wish it did?”

I blinked, my response on the tip of my tongue, but the words wouldn’t come. Not when she’d seen past the carefully constructed façade to the true fear that caused me to push away the one man who’d always owned my heart.

I’d claimed I understood why Samuel was doing this, even if I’d never choose this path. The only reason I struggled with it was because of my biological father. He took lives without remorse and, because of that, he was a bad person.

Samuel took lives, too.

But did that truly make him a bad person?

As much as I wanted to condemn him for his choices, I couldn’t ignore the fact that my mother had taken a life, as well. She’d killed my sperm donor. And not in self-defense, like I’d originally believed.

Instead, my mother knew she’d never be free if she didn’t put an end to him. So she took matters into her own hands. Got herself the justice she and so many of his other victims deserved.

Wasn’t that all Samuel was doing now? Getting himself the justice he desperately deserved?

If I was going to fault him for his actions, I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t find my mother equally guilty.

“He may not look like Samuel anymore, but his heart, his soul…” Melanie clutched my hand in hers. “That’s still Samuel. Maybe it’s a little darker than it used to be, but there’s a little darkness in all of us. Are you really willing to lose him all over again?”

“I…” I squeezed my eyes shut, my thoughts a jumbled mess.

Flashes of memories flooded my mind — moments when it was just us. When he didn’t have to pretend to be someone else in front of Liam or James or even Melanie.

In those quiet moments, he was Samuel, despite his insistence that Samuel was dead.

Maybe he just needed me to show him he was still in there. Show him the things he endured hadn’t destroyed him.

I jumped to my feet, my mind spinning. “I’m sorry. I?—”

“No apologies necessary.” She waved me off as she stood. “Go get your man. And when you’re done screwing his brains out, tell him he owes me a visit. And some of that smoked brisket he used to make. I’ll forgive all his bullshit for some of that.”

“Duly noted,” I said as she enveloped me in a hug before I rushed into the guest bedroom and threw all my things into my bag.

As I drove away from Melanie’s apartment, I tuned out the constant buzz of sirens and helicopters circling overhead. Instead, all my thoughts were of getting to Samuel as quickly as possible and praying it wasn’t too late for us to have a second chance. That he’d forgive me for the perpetual seesaw I’d been on lately.