Page 117 of Love Marks
I shake my head, my whole body stiffening at the reminder of his lies. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“What you saw was a mistake. After that night at The Phoenix, when the story broke, I told our CFO, George, about what had happened, or what I thought had happened. I explained that an employee at The Phoenix had leaked the information, but that she’d been fired. Apparently, that wasn’t enough for him. He hired a private investigator to find you and sent that letter to your landlord trying to get you evicted. He gave the folder to me as some sick, twisted gift. Said it was for my birthday. I told him to stay the fuck away from you and reverse whatever damage he’d done, or I’d kill him.”
His voice is fierce, and his fists are tight at his side. My legs wobble beneath me. Oh god. It wasn’t Wesley. It was someone else, and he tried to stop it. Tried to protect me.
“I know I fucked up in the past and said a lot of unforgivable things, but I thought you trusted me, Quinn. You just saw that stuff and immediately assume the worst? Do you know how shitty that makes me feel?”
“Wes—” I start, but he cuts me off.
“No, let me finish. I need to say this.” He inhales raggedly and runs his hand through his hair, looking more frantic by the minute. “I’m sorry that you saw that. I didn’t want that to happen, and it must have been really…scary and confusing to find that. I wish you would have come to me, but I understand why you didn’t. I’m sorry that I didn’t make you feel like you could talk to me about it.
“Now, about the medical bills. I shouldn’t have done that behind your back. I see that now. I just thought you’d be too stubborn and proud to take my help if I offered it, and when Joe told me at his party how much you guys have been struggling…I just feel like you don’t talk to me about that stuff because you’re worried about upsetting me, or talking about money, but I want to be able to help you. I want to take care of you. It feels awful knowing I have plenty to spare and that you don’t have enough. I hate it.”
At this, I can’t help but interrupt him. “You think I don’t? You think I like living like this? Seeing how the other half lives and coming home to my shit?” I scoff, shaking my head.
He shakes his head. “No, of course not. But I can’t change the way things are. I can only try to do the right thing where we’re concerned, and I’m sorry that I misread the situation. It must be even harder for you, and I understand why you’re hesitant to share this stuff with me.”
My jaw tightens. “Yeah, because you don’t respect my decisions. You just get me nepotism jobs and pay my family medical bills without telling me. It’s not okay. Where does that leave me once you’re gone? Jobless? Homeless?”
He clenches his jaw. “Why do you keep saying that shit? Why do you think I’m gonna leave you?”
I say nothing.
He sighs, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry. Next time, we’ll make decisions together. I won’t make them for us again. I swear.”
A shiver rocks through me. “I told you I didn’t want money to be a thing with us. After everything that’s happened to me…why couldn’t you just respect that?”
He blanches, his face etched in disbelief and horror. “Fuck. I didn’t…I didn’t think about that. I was just trying to help. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Quinn.”
It’s quiet as his words settle between us and I can’t help but soften at his apology.
“I’m sorry, too,” I choke out. “I’m sorry for what I said to you on Saturday. I was angry and exhausted, and I thought my mom was going to die. I was really scared. I’m sorry that I hurt you just because I was hurting.”
Wesley’s frown seems to lighten. It definitely does as he steps towards me, relief coloring his features, his arms reaching for me.
I step back. Again. Away from him.
As much as I believe Wesley’s words and his heartfelt apology, I can’t do this. It hurts too much. I thought I was ready, but I’m not. When I thought he’d betrayed me…it felt like I was cracking in two. Like I was dying.
He hasn’t done anything wrong. I see that. I’m the wrong one. I’m not strong enough for this, for the pain that comes along with whatever it is we’re doing here. Wesley deserves better. He’s standing here, open, communicating, trusting, and all I can give him is shitty apologies.
It’s better this way. Better that I walk away now before I fall for him even more. Before he realizes how broken I really am. He’d just leave eventually, and it would hurt even more than this.
“What?” He asks, confused. He reaches for me again, but I shake my head. “But — are you still mad about the grant thing? Or the…” He swallows. “What George did?”
I shake my head again, a coolness settling inside me, replacing the burning. “I’m not mad anymore.”
“Then—” He blinks, still not understanding, and I swear my heart breaks right then. Just splits down the middle. It feels like I’m being ripped apart.
“I understand why you did what you did and I’m not mad, but I think it’s best if we take some time. Apart.”
“No—”
“It’s too much.” I have to keep it together. I can’t cry. Just a few more minutes. “When I thought…” I can’t get the words right. It hurts too much. “I can’t do this. I just can’t. It’s too much. I’m sorry.”
He moves towards me and grabs my hands, shaking his head frantically. “Quinn, we can figure this out.”
“No, we can’t,” I insist, pulling my hands away from him.