Page 61 of Love Marks
“Why not?”
“Why do you care?” I shoot back.
He looks taken-aback by my animosity. I know I’m being rude. He can probably see the storm clouds building above my head or the steam coming out of my ears.
“I’m curious.”
“I’m not answering. I’m not interested in whatever he has to say. Or getting my old job back.” I huff out a breath. “Satisfied? Can I get back to work now?”
Wesley just lets a lazy smile spread across his face. He looks almost relieved. He rubs the back of his neck. “It smells nice in here. I like the candles you got.”
“Oh. Thanks. They’re from my friend’s company.”
Wesley nods. “Did you want to talk still? About Sheila?”
I don’t think I can handle another minute of his presence, so I shake my head quickly. “I should probably finish up here.”
He stares at me, something unreadable in his expression. Then he nods sharply. “I’ll be in my office if you need anything.”
He picks up his briefcase and disappears down the hallway towards his office. I sit down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Things are irreversibly awkward between us. It was almost better when we were fighting. At least I knew where I stood. Now I feel like I’m walking along a balancing beam, just waiting to tip one way or the other.
I’m tired of pretending. Pretending that I’m okay. Pretending that I’m not terrified about my mom and missing Sheila and drowning under the crushing weight of being a broke adult woman. Pretending I’m not attracted to Wesley.
I close my eyes, trying to shake off my thoughts. Unfortunately, my brain is still thinking about yesterday. His boyish smile. His casual charm and disarming kindness.
Yeah. I’ve got it bad. But what can I do about it? What’s a casual way to tell your former enemy turned boss turned friend that you want to jump his bones?
What if…what if I disassociate? My flush of desire sizzles out quickly before I can hold onto it, before I can let myself truly want. Even in my fantasies, reality finds a way back in.
What if sex is all he’s ever going to be interested in with me? Nobody has ever really wanted anything else from me, but Wesley said he wants to be friends. The idea sends a jolt to my heart, a spot in my chest that seems to be aching with a constant longing lately.
A longing for…more.
* * *
I’m just about to get started on dinner when Wesley emerges from his office, rubbing his eyes. He comes into the kitchen.
“Fair warning. My mother is on the way here with about ten pounds of yarn.”
I give him a confused look and he puts on his signature smirk.
“She’s learning to knit.”
“That’s great!” I turn back towards the task at hand. I’m preparing lobster that I got delivered from a specialty market. “I actually knit hats and scarves sometimes in the winter.”
“Oh god. Don’t tell her that or she’ll never leave me alone about you.”
I stiffen at Wesley’s words, and he seems to realize what he’s said, because he chuckles softly.
“I just meant that she likes you a lot. Probably more than me.”
That sentence should not make me smile as much as it is. I flatten my mouth, hoping Wesley can’t see how pleased I am. For some reason, Lillian’s approval feels important.
“Do you mind if I work out here while I wait for her?” Wesley asks.
“As long as you don’t mind the smell.” I lift up one of the lobster tails and he crinkles his nose and shrugs, opening his laptop. I finish cutting all the ingredients and wash my hands. The sound of Wesley typing rapidly is making me anxious, so I grab my phone to turn on some music.
“Will it bother you if I play some music? I can put on headphones.”