Page 99 of Love Marks
I take a deep, steadying breath and wait a few moments before I’m sure I can speak. “Thank you for telling me.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say. It hurts so fucking badly to think of you like that. I want to kill him.”
Her eyes widen and she lets out a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh. I squeeze her closer to me.
“You are beautiful, Quinn. You are smart, loyal, passionate, and kind. I am constantly in awe of you and I don’t ever want you to believe a single word of whatever that asshole said to you.”
She sighs into my arms. “Wes.”
“I mean it. I’m sorry that I said that or if anything I’ve done has reminded you of those memories. Don’t ever be afraid to tell me to stop if I cross a boundary, please. I need to know that you feel safe in everything we do.”
She nods. “I do. I do feel safe with you. I’ve never told anyone about that night. Not even my mom.” The sharp vulnerability in her voice makes my chest ache.
“Thank you for trusting me with that. Thank you.”
She settles into me, our bodies curled together. I run my thumb along her back, brushing softly along her spine. “You’re not…” I swallow the lump gathering in my throat. “You’re not doing that anymore, are you?”
She shakes her head fervently. “No. I haven’t in a while. Years before I met you. After that night, I swore I was done, that I’d figure out some other way to make money.”
I inhale a shaky breath. “I know you don’t like to talk about money, but can you just please promise me that if you’re ever in a bad situation and you need help, you’ll come to me first? That you won’t put yourself in harm’s way because of your pride.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can promise that.”
The ache in my chest intensifies. Someone hurt her. Someone told her she was worthless. Helplessness crawls up my throat and I have never felt so out of control, so out of my depth.
My voice drops down to a whisper. “Please. I won’t ask anything else of you. Just please promise me this one thing. I need you safe.”
Finally, she nods against me. “Okay. I promise.”
My sigh of relief settles over both of us. The silence in the room is heavy with the weight of our confessions. Quinn nudges against me, pushing her ass into me. “I really do love it when you take control.”
I wiggle my eyebrows, feeling lighter. “Oh, so you like it when I order you around?”
She swats my arm, rolling her eyes. “In the bedroom only. Don’t get any ideas.”
There’s only one problem. When it comes to Quinn, I have lots of ideas. Too many. Ones of us together, in the future, something close to forever. Ones where she is mine — truly mine. An image of hope forms in my mind and just for a moment, I let myself hold on to it. I close my eyes and savor the taste of it, sweet and delicious and completely out of reach.
* * *
We don’t stay at Quinn’s long. We’re both emotionally drained from that conversation, and I think we just need to rest and decompress. Still, she’s eager to hold up my end of the bargain and go see my apartment in Dumbo, so she packs a bag while I wait in the living room. It’s not until we’re saying goodbye to Pete for the night and heading towards the front door of my building that my stomach drops with a wave of nerves.
Nobody has seen this place. It’s been my secret corner of the city and the thought of someone seeing it — or worse, judging it — has my stomach fluttering with nerves. But after all we’ve said tonight, I feel safe with her.
Letting her into this part of my life feels like a big step. I don’t know if she realizes how much it means to me, and right now I’m feeling too raw to tell her. Better to just rip the band aid off.
I guide us inside to the elevator and we’re quiet on the ride up. I so desperately want to know what she’s thinking.
“You’re staring,” she smiles at me, twirling her hair with one finger.
Instinct tells me to look away, but I don’t. I hold her gaze, letting my own smile loosen. “You’re beautiful.”
The elevator doors slide open, and I clasp her hand in mine and step into the open room, bracing myself. I hadn’t been coming here much, but yesterday after Quinn left, I felt the tugging urge to return. I told myself it was just to check on the place, but I knew the truth.
It was our conversation about piano. Yesterday, for the first time in years, I sat down at that grand piano in the corner. I didn’t play. I just sat there and ran my fingers on the keys, letting myself feel the guilt and anguish and fear that crept up from the bench, from the instrument itself.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to play again, to put myself through those feelings again, but having Quinn by my side, getting even a glimpse of her fierce belief in me, makes me feel something I’d scarcely let myself feel these days. Hope.
“Wow.” Quinn’s voice breaks into my thoughts as she tears her hand from mine and walks over to the windows. “It’s incredible.”
Her face lights up as she takes in the view of the bridge and skyline behind it. I watch her scan the exposed brick wall next to her and then turn, taking in the rest of the room. She runs her fingers along the bookshelves that cover the far wall, examining the titles, and after what feels like an eternity, she finally turns to me, her eyes glowing.