Page 33 of Something Forever

I shrug, my nerves already starting to come on. My stomach is churning with anxiety. Why did I think I could handle this? Why didn’t I realize Liam would be sitting right next to me when I inevitably freak out? I should see if they can switch our seats. Maybe there’s an empty one in the exit row.

“Whitney?”

Liam’s voice jolts me out of my spiral, and I force what I hope looks like a real smile and grab my bag. “Yep! Let’s go.” I inject as much cheerfulness into my tone as I can, but it doesn’t help — I sound frantic.

As we make our way onto the plane, my fingers and toes are tingling with a familiar dread, and it only intensifies when we take our seats. When they finish boarding and announce that the doors are closed, my chest starts to feel tight. Gripping the sides of my seat, I inhale, willing my heart to stop racing.

You’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine.

The pilot comes over the intercom, announcing that we’ll be taking off soon. I think I hear a flight attendant say something nearby, but I’m starting to really feel like I’m going to be sick.

Nope, not fine.

“Y’alright?” Liam’s deep voice interrupts my panicking.

I think I manage a nod, but all I can feel is the growing tightness in my chest. I’m starting to feel like I can’t breathe, like I really might be losing air.

“Are you sure?”

I’m going to die.

“Whitney?”

I can’t do this. Why did I think I could do this? I just can’t.

“Are you okay?”

No. No. No.

“Whoa, Whit. Breathe. Just breathe.”

I want to speak, to tell him that I’m trying to breathe, but I can’t. I feel the warmth of his hand on my arm, gripping it lightly.

“Come on. In for four seconds. Breathe in — one, two, three, four. And hold it for one, two, three, four. Now exhale. That’s right. Just like that.”

I listen to his words. I let them be a tether, something to hold on to, to cling to in desperation. Something about the soft commanding tone in his voice makes me want to listen. I keep breathing like he says until I hear the pilot announcing that we’re cruising at 10,000 feet.

Opening my eyes feels like a herculean effort, but I manage to blink a few times and focus on the feeling of my body in this seat. I take another shaky breath, and exhale with a whoosh.

I’m okay. The worst is over. We’ve taken off.

Except now that I can breathe normally, the embarrassment is setting in. I don’t dare look to where Liam is sitting beside me. His hand is no longer wrapped around my arm, but I can still feel him. I can feel his gaze heavy on my face, warming my cheeks to a bright shade of red. My nose tingles and there’s pressure on the backs of my eyes, a telltale sign that I’m close to tears.

Do not cry.

I blink furiously, forcing the tears back, praying they don’t break through the dam I’m building inside. Brick by brick, keeping my emotions locked away.

“Is that what you meant when you said you’re a nervous flier?” Liam finally asks from beside me, his voice surprisingly soft.

“I guess,” I squeak, a shudder running through me. I rub my hands over my arms, feeling suddenly cold.

Liam reaches above me and closes my AC duct, pushing it away from me. “Does that happen every time you fly?”

I shake my head. “I try not to fly that much. I drive whenever I can.”

He nods but doesn’t say anything else.

Flattening my lips into a straight line, I take another deep breath. “Sorry. And… thanks.”