Page 61 of Tailwhip
Shit, now I feel really bad that he got off because of me. “You didn’t have to end your phone call; I could have waited,” I tell him.
“No, trust me it’s okay. I need to calm down before Landon gets back. He is in some serious shit; he just so happened not to tell me before coming out here.”
It’s right then that I decide not to tell Heath; it seems like he has enough on his plate. We are both quiet when Heath blurts out, “My idiot brother was fired as the equipment manager. He was caught stealing sticks, gloves, jerseys, and other things and selling them.”
I grab Heath’s hand to comfort him, the same way he has done for me numerous times lately. “I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this. Are you going to go back to DC?”
Looking over at me, he says, “No, we have a book tour to get ready for. He is an adult; he can figure his own shit out. He may be my brother, but I have bailed him out too many times. I don’t even want to be here when he gets back. Let’s go to your house and hang out!”
Once back at my house, Heath and I just hang out and go back through the upcoming book tour. He thinks it is a good idea for me to do a Q&A on my Instagram page, so fans can get to know me. Since starting it, my followers have tripled, and my book continues to get positive reviews across most platforms. I tell Heath after I get back from Vancouver, I will do the Q&A. The next morning Heath drives me to the airport where I meet Neha, who is just getting in from Greenville. She is already at the gate with Starbucks for us both.
She gets the biggest smile when she sees me walking toward her. “OMG! Look at you, so confident. Are you excited to get to Vancouver?”
Giving her a hug since she has been gone for a while and we didn’t talk while she was with Nick, I say, “I can’t wait to see Cor and relax.” We sit for about an hour and then board the plane.
36
Anthony
Tattoo Broken Hearts – Digger
Living back in Colorado has been surreal. I honestly never thought about it, even before Ashlynn. Here I am, though; I am living at my friend, Jason, dad’s house out in Black Forest area. Jason and I know each other from our skatepark days. His dad has a giant warehouse on his land and built a skatepark inside, so we had somewhere to ride whenever it snowed. His dad has since moved into a bigger house on the mountainside, but luckily still owns this one and was willing to let me stay here on such short notice. No one knows that this is where I ended up, not even Chase.
The first week here wasn’t easy, to say the least. I wrestled with the idea of taking a break from BMX to come back stronger, wondering if it was the right move to leave behind all I had built and worked for. I’ve also fought every single urge I have had to drive to Frisco and see Ashlynn, even though she said she didn’t want to see me again. I want to see her again, as selfish as that sounds. Her Instagram page has been quiet the few times I have looked at it. Just some updates about her upcoming book tour. I try to spend just about every hour of the day in the warehouse riding, to keep my mind occupied on what I am here for: my riding. I don’t plan to be gone long, but know I have to get back for the competition in Santa Cruz, so I can be there for Mateo and Noah. Leaving those two behind makes me feel worse than the rest of the team since they just came on in August after the Extreme tour ended.
I’ve gotten into a good routine. I’ve been waking up early every day at 6, eat, and get to the warehouse to ride for hours on end. I have been trying every variation of tricks I know and even trying to figure out some new ones I can try in Santa Cruz for the pro day. After riding for who knows how long–I don’t keep track–I go to the gym that’s in the basement of the house and workout for at least an hour a day. By the time I am done with everything, I am beat and ready to go to bed for the night. I haven’t ridden this hard since my early days. To be honest, it’s kind of nice. Not all days are filled up with figuring out tricks; some days, I just flow around the ramps. It’s mid-February and I have been gone from Greenville for a month and it’s the first I hear from Chase with a text.
That’s the last I hear from Chase. A cruise through New York sounds like fun, and I would love to join the team. Continuing with my riding, right as I go up and do a tailwhip and nail the landing, the door to the warehouse opens and in walks Jason with his bike. “Do you even remember how to ride that thing?” I ask him.
Scratching his forehead with his middle finger, he says, “Probably not, honestly. We’re about to find out, though. Hope you don’t mind me joining you!”
Letting out a little laugh, I say, “Your dad owns the place, I can’t really tell you no!”
Looking over, he says, “Good point. I brought some beer with me; we can drink a few cold ones when we are done.”
I shake my head. “I stopped drinking after New Years. Let’s just say I took it too far.”
Jason looks surprised. “No problem. I won’t drink any either, then! Well, let’s see if I can do anything on this thing.”
Sure enough, Jason is wobbly, and crashes more than he lands, but he gives a good effort. Finally, after many tries, he pulls off a tailwhip and lands. He rides back to where I am riding. Once I stop, he yells, “I think you only got better with age, man. You’re only twenty-two and will still get better.”
Right then, I ride fast to get some good air and pull a backflip over a rail and come up to do a 360 landing down on the deck.
“Show off,” Jason says.
I just laugh at him. “Just showing you how it’s done!” I realize since being here, this is the first time I have felt like my old self again. Jason leaves shortly after to go home to his girlfriend. Jealousy sparks in my chest that he can do that.
The next morning, I wake up at 6 AM, just like every other day. But today, I feel a heavy weight on my chest, and sadness seeps in. I try to go back to sleep, hoping I'll wake up feeling better, but sleep eludes me. I try to think why I am feeling this way, and the obvious reason is because I haven’t been drinking to numb my feelings. I skipped my riding today and did the one thing I hate doing. I go to gold camp road and hike to the spot I took Ashlynn to, the spot I would go to whenever I needed to think back in high school. It’s cold and foggy, but luckily, it’s not snowing. I find the rock that overlooks the city. I sit down and close my eyes, with the memory of that evening flashing through my mind. That was before I told Ashlynn I loved her, but I felt it even then while I held her and asked her how she managed to weave herself back into my life. The smile that she gave me only made me smile more. I think she always held that smile just for me and I loved it. She would smile big to where her dimple on her right cheek would show.
Opening my eyes looking down at the fog, I bring my legs up and put my elbows on my knees and talk to myself. “I’m going to be better for you, Ashlynn. I’m so damn sorry. I never meant anything I said.” My eyes are watering while I say this out into the open because it is the first time that I am letting myself think about it with a clear mind. “What the hell did I do?”
I drive back down the mountain as it starts getting dark out. Instead of going inside the house, I head straight to the warehouse, crank some music, and ride well into the next morning. I stop riding close to 3 AM and I am beat–emotionally and physically. I finally shut everything off in the warehouse and go to bed. Before I can stop myself, I pulled up the text chain I still have on my phone with Ashlynn. I read through our old messages and once I get down to the few from new year’s I cringe because of what I sent. I noticed both are still marked as unread; I guess I deserve that considering that’s what I did to her when she needed me most. All this still doesn’t stop my fingers from flying over my screen and typing out a message to her.
I wake up around 9 that morning, which is the most I have slept in, in a long time. I wake up again with the same feelings as the day before. Maybe going on that hike was a mistake, since it brought up memories and feelings I need to face. I ride for a couple hours and decide against my better judgment, that I am going to drive to Frisco. I get showered and dressed, jump in my truck for the 2-hour drive into the mountains. I have no plan of action or what I am going to say, but my pull to her is too strong to ignore anymore.
37
Ashlynn