Page 118 of Sweet Madness
I bite my lip, trying not to smile.
Not knowing what else to say, I nod once. She does too. A sense of closure settles between us as she acknowledges it quietly.
As I watch her get into her car with her bodyguards in tow, I feel a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I can make things right and get the light of my life back.
Maybe…
Space Note
“Rather than hurtling alone through the void, several stars out there have a significant other.”— E
Chapter
Thirty-Four
MY GIRL
Shaw
“Tulips didn’t have a meaning until I saw you.” – S
Later that night, I sit on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in a towel from a shower with the iPad Ella left behind in hand. The glow of the screen is the only light in the room as I watch Ella’s live video stream. My heart sinks as I see her, looking beautiful as ever, yet her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
Fuck.
In the past months she’s been away, I didn’t look her up online to see how she was doing. At first, I was too afraid to, fearing that if I did, I’d go after her. Then, as the months passed, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was so filled with guilt that I couldn’t handle seeing what I’d done to her, but at the back of my mind, there was also the doubt that maybe her father was right and she was better off. Seeing that would’ve hurt like hell.
But seeing her now…
She’s lost weight, and guilt claws at me. She also has shadows under her eyes, and I wonder if she too can’t find sleep. I sure as hell can’t. I haven’t had a full night of sleep since the last night she shared my bed.
Touching her cheek with my fingertip through the screen, I think about how, despite all that, she remains the most beautiful woman in my eyes. Her presence captivates me even through a screen.
“Hey, guys!” Moonshine’s voice, though filled with enthusiasm as she greets her followers, carries an undertone of sadness. She’s wearing a pink coat with a white tube top underneath. Her hair is neatly done in a sleek back bun without a single hair out of place. She looks stunning with her makeup done. Her cheeks are pink, her eyelashes long, her lips glossy, and she’s adorned with gold jewelry.
God, she was fucking beautiful and still stole my breath away.
“Hey, Moonshine,” I whispered to the lonely room as if she could hear me.
I sat there watching as she spoke about her upcoming venture—her dream place in the city where her parents had once fallen in love, Paris. Even though my heart felt like it had gone through a meat grinder, I smiled with my entire face because she did it. She reached for the stars and made it happen.
I listened intently as she shared details. Her passion was evident in every word. Though her eyes still seemed sad, they lit up whenever she spoke about the grand opening of her new project. It was clear she was excited but also nervous for her followers to see it. Her determination and anxiety came through despite the cracks in her facade.
As the live stream continued, I wrestled with my conflicting emotions. I felt so fucking proud of her, yet it also cut me deep that I wasn’t there to share in her joy. “I fucked up, baby,” I whispered harshly, holding the iPad tighter.
In that moment, Ella glanced down briefly—I assumed she was reading the comments scrolling on her screen—and then she lifted her head, her eyes momentarily meeting the camera as if searching for something—or someone. My heart skipped a beat, wondering if the someone she was looking for was me, if she still cared amidst all the hurt I caused her.
The smile on her face dropped, and so did my heart at witnessing her reaction. But then she carried on as if nothing had happened. She continued to fake-smile and engage with the people who sent her questions or compliments while I stayed vigilant, blocking any mean or cruel comments that were sent her way. Maeve, a friend of Ben’s, was a badass hacker, and even now that Ella is gone from my life, she still hacks all her live streams, checks posts, and messages to prevent Ella from seeing any hate, just like she did when Ella was under my care.
I might not be with her, but she’ll always be safe and protected as long as there is air in my lungs and my heart still beats.
“See you later, loves.” Ella smiled at the camera, and I traced her image with my fingertips, closing my eyes to let her sweet voice wash over me and heal all that was broken. “I hope to see you in Paris, and if not, you can meet me here in two days to experience the grand opening of my very own pink planet,” she grinned, her excitement radiating through the screen.
“Way to fucking go, baby,” I whispered, pride swelling within me.
When the live video ended, I sat in silence, my lonely room still and quiet. Ella’s words replayed in my mind, her image lingering in my thoughts. The distance between us cut me deeper every day, and the weight of my mistake felt heavier than ever.
I couldn’t do this anymore.